One of the people that I have admired since I was a teenager is the singer Madonna. When she first became successful, I remember there being a huge debate on whether she would last. Many thought that her career would not stand the test of time. Here we are, some twenty years later and Madonna is still successful.
Back in the 1990, Forbes Magazine did a cover story on Madonna. The title of the story was America’s Smartest Business Woman. I read that article at least twenty times and it proved to me that there was more to Madonna than met the eye. I no longer have the article but I remember that the author made the point that Madonna ran her career brilliantly and that she was far smarter than she let on.
As with anything I become impressed with, I research it intensely so off I went to read every book there was on Madonna. With each book, a general consensus emerged which was that Madonna was extremely ambitious and worked hard. Some said that she acted like a star long before she became a star. Of course, many people criticized her ambition and work ethic.
I remember watching the documentary of Madonna’s Blonde Ambition tour called Truth or Dare and thinking there is no way I could be that tough. I was impressed with how disciplined she was but I knew that there was no way I could be that strong. I could be strong in other ways but being that strong with other people is enough to make me want to run the other direction. And yes, this is coming from someone who is trained as a lawyer!
Anyway, as the years passed I noticed that I was never too comfortable with the whole notion of ambition. I think society values that trait in a man but not in a woman. Please know that I do not intend to make this post into a discourse on sexism but rather to point out the fact that an ambitious woman is dangerous to some. Why is that?
According to the dictionary, ambition is defined as: an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment. It does not sound too dangerous but yet it is in the mind of others.
Granted, there are some who go to extreme measures to achieve their goals. They resort to negative techniques such as backstabbing which is not good at all. It is far better to achieve success while being kind. However, being kind and being strong is not mutually exclusive.
I often have struggled with my ambitions. I have never been the kind of person who felt comfortable talking about my achievements. I used to feel afraid of discussing them for fear that no one would like me. I then noticed that by not talking about my achievements, people began to underestimate me which did not make any sense.
If you talk too much about what you achieved, people are threatened by you. If you do not talk about it, people underestimate you and sometimes treat you very badly. So what to do?
It recently occurred to me that the best thing you can do is to own up to who you are. If you have achieved something, be grateful for the achievement and acknowledge it. If you talk from a place of gratitude, your tone and manner will be conveyed to the other person and there is no fear of being viewed as arrogant or having pride.
There is a story that is told in India about a snake who got tired of children being afraid of it. Because of its desire to be loved, it followed the advice of a wise man to be more loving and stopped hissing when children were nearby. Eventually, the children started using the snake as a jump rope and it got upset for being disrespected. The story ends with the wise man telling the snake: “I told you to be loving but I did not tell you to forget to hiss”. The moral being that it is good to be kind but know your value and acknowledge it when need be.
We all have something to be proud of because we each have something to offer to the world. We each have skills and qualities that are uniquely ours. Own up to what those talents are and share them with the world. There is no sense is pretending to be insignificant because no one is insignificant.
{ 38 comments }
Poor snake!
Madonna is a real character; I think the secret to her success is that she has always insisted on being herself, no matter how popular or unpopular she is at any given time. And it look like she works like hell. I don’t really worry about how much or how little I talk about my achievements. I am now comfortable with being both underestimated and overestimated.
David Cain’s most recent blog post..Same Purpose, Different Styles
Hi David,
Good for you for being now comfortable with both being under and over estimated!
Yay!
Nadia,
Madonna grew up near to where I was raised, so I started following her music pretty early. I think she was Valedictorian of her high school graduating class, so I know she’s smart.
I like your middle way approach to dealing with accomplishments – you don’t try to hide what you’ve done but you also don’t boast.
Roger – A Content Life’s most recent blog post..Your Mindful Eating Mission
Hi Roger,
Thank you! The middle way is the best way to go when dealing with anything in life. After having enough experiences of life on either extreme, the middle is the best method. I guess sometimes you have to exhaust everything until you finally settle on one thing. Of course, following the middle way is easier said than done. I still am trying to master it.
Hi Nadia,
I agree — I think Madonna is extraordinary and fascinating. The woman seems to have no limits. She decides what she wants and she goes for it, no apologies.
Maybe I find her so fascinating, because I am so different. Similar to you, I’m uncomfortable with too much ambition. For example, I’ll often want to really good at something -not the best- just really good. I don’t set the sky (or beyond) as the limit…it’s safer for me to think “close to the sky is the limit”…I’m not sure why I feel like this, but there it is.
I think I need to take your advice, and change my thinking: Own up to my talents and share them with the world. Thanks for another great post Nadia!
kirwin’s most recent blog post..Two Weeks of Menu Planning
Hi Kirwin,
You have many wonderful talents which are obvious from all that you share with your blog readers. Your recipes rock, so trust me, you have a lot to offer the world.
I agree with you about how Madonna has no apologies for what she has done. I respect that trait because it shows that she has no regret which is absolutely wonderful in my eyes.
Nice post ¡¡
My personal experience shows me that either if you try to be the most interesting and gifted man in the world or to be the humblest person, you will finally when trying to convince people.
There is a simple yet powerful way to show yourself and be between the other people: be yourself, which should include gratitude for what you have achieved and joy for having the opportunity to live with that. Being honest and simple should mean an advantage, even in business world, and yes, it comes from a person (like you) trained as a lawyer and working as that for fifteen years.
Hi Angel!
Welcome to Happy Lotus! Great advice…be yourself. Sounds so simple but yet it can be so hard. And you are right that being honest and simple are both advantages even in the business world.
Cool on the lawyer part, what kind of law do you practice?
“You will finally fail when trying to convince people” is what a meant to say.
Sorry
Angel Vallejo’s most recent blog post..Neil Gaiman
I enjoyed this post, Nadia, because I’ve done the dance too between knowing when to tout my accomplishments and when not to. Growing up, I was a very competitive child and was determined to win. To come in second place was to come in last. I accomplished many things, but I felt smug about them. Then at some point I went the opposite direction. I ceased to actively compete. I downplayed everything I did, even if done well. This wasn’t a solution either.
While I still do try to live in the happy balance, one of the things that has helped me is to simply acknowledge when I do something “good” or that I’m proud of, and to accept praise when it is given to me rather than brush it off with an “It was nothing” or “Anyone could have done it.” No – it wasn’t nothing. Yes – anybody could have done it but I did it.
I do a little happy dance around the house sometimes. When I’ve done something I’m glad about, I wiggle/bop around and say, “Yay, Carlita!” I don’t even do it consciously anymore. And I think this is good.
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Hi Chania!
Thank you so much for sharing your exeriences when dealing with accomplishments. And I am happy to know that I am not the only one who does the happy dance when accomplishing something! Like you, I have learned that it is okay to be happy at having achieved something and with time, I feel more comfortable about it too! So yay for us!!!!
The part of this that spoke most clearly to me is this line:
“However, being kind and being strong is not mutually exclusive.”
This is something that I have struggled with for a long time. I have a bad habit of letting people run over me when I try to be kind, and sometimes I lose my kindness when I try to be strong. Finding that balance is tough for me.
Jay Schryer’s most recent blog post..One Year of Love
Hi Jay,
I struggle with it too, my friend. It is really hard to be kind and yet strong. I think when a person has a soul that is sensitive (I use that word in a very positive sense) and loving, it is hard to find a way to be firm. However, there is a way to be both and I guess each person has to discover what works for them. I do think I rather have to deal with learning how to be firm than to have to learn how to be loving. So good for you for being the loving and kind person that you are!
“It recently occurred to me that the best thing you can do is to own up to who you are. ”
Perfect!
There is a great deal of angst about fulfilling desires and self-improvement–GTD, spirituality, Law of attraction–and there is nothing wrong with this; it’s just a little upside-down. When we come completely own up and accept, without judgment, who we are and have become, change manifests miraculously and effortlessly.
Thanks Nadia!
Kaushik’s most recent blog post..Being present – how to be present with what is already present
I think that, right there, is an excellent definition for what it means to live life with maturity.
This also ties into a seeming paradox in Buddhism — one must have the ambition and drive to be enlightened, but one must not be attached to enlightenment as a goal. Basically, you have to find a way to express your path without making it into a “point A to point B” thing where you judge yourself the whole way, as if it were something you could quantify with mathematics and mile markers.
Be whatever you are, wherever you are. Greatness and peace aren’t destinations, they are expressed through action in this moment. The best way to express those things is by letting go of judgments of your past achievements or your future goals, and by simply creating your best self in every moment.
Thomas Hochmann’s most recent blog post..Cocio
Hi Thomas,
Excellent point about the importance of creating your best version of yourself in each given moment. I love it!
I really enjoyed your thoughtful post, Nadia.
For me, the older I get, the less I think about my achievements and the more I think about others’. Not that I don’t value or appreciate mine but outside of myself they’ve become less important.
I also used to be conflicted with kindness and strength until I realized that kindness is strength. What I’ve found that works for me is to communicate why I’ve made a decision, especially if it’s a ‘no’, then people understand are usually OK with it. Those who don’t understand tend to be the ones who lean toward being unkind.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success’s most recent blog post..Self-Expression: Is it OK?
Hi Laurie,
You are absolutely right that kindness is strenth. I often have found it funny that some people think being kind means being weak. It is far more difficult to be kind than it is to be mean.
You’re so right — no one is insignificant!
I loved this post and found it really, really interesting. Thank you!
Positively Present’s most recent blog post..rainy days and mondays…
Hi Dani,
Glad you liked the post and yes, no one is insignificant. Each person is important…actually each person is much more important than they realize.
I appreciate this blog too,…no sense in feeling down about ‘not accomplishing’ something, do it! (me)! I have done a lot of reading about who writes the books, and the stories of our ’stars’ and ’scientists’ — the ‘genius’s’ if you will (sorry for the loose grammar) hence, I am not an English teacher— anyway, interestingly enough, even Issac Newton declared his ‘discovery’ was not his own, he’d already seen and heard about it (on the Egyptian walls no less), and said so himself, similar to most every other ‘famous scientist’ that we ‘know’ about today. So, why was he picked? The same with some of our ’stars’ (interesting word too, stars that which we used to and still do, gaze at in miraculous contemplation) As we see on TV (or not if you don’t watch–good for you) they advertise particular books now— as commercials! Why? Not because these authors are somehow different and smarter than the rest of us, more accomplished— but, there is a message that for some reason— is for all of us to soak in, hear, read, repeat…. excuse my rant for it is a little off the individual realm for which you bring it back to, and that which I enjoy…. thanks for your post this morning!! and ps No doubt about it, Madonna undoubtedly has worked hard….amazingly so.
Hi Molly,
No worries on the rant.
You made some really great points in your comment. Those that we call stars have a destiny and purpose that requires them to be that well-known. However, those who are not as famous, still have a destiny and purpose which is equally as important. I remember once hearing someone make fun of someone who picks trash for a living and it really bothered me. In my mind, the people who pick up the trash, serve a great purpose. They help keep the streets clean and they do their job irrespective of weather. I have been in parts of the world, where trash is all over and because of that, there is so much disease. So the size of the audience or the size of the title means nothing because each person is important. 
Hi..
What a great post. My favorite part was the story of the snake, and the moral behind the story. You’re ending is great, NO ONE IS INSIGNIFIGANT.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than no Action
Hi Giovanna,
Thank you so much for the kind words and yes, no one is insignificant! Yay for all of us!!!!
Hi Nadia,
Great post!
I agree.. that is not a good practice to act insignificant, and also in reverse, too act too significant. We are what we are, just be and just do things to our max potential. Talking about an ideal world!
I like the story about the snake.
Nice to land here in your blog.. and btw, we have the same name. I’m Nadia too!
Cheers and looking forward to your next great post, Nadia.
nadia febina’s most recent blog post..Can Self-Sufficiency Solve World Hunger?
Hi Nadia Febina!
Welcome to Happy Lotus! It is always nice to meet another Nadia!
Thank you so much for all the kind things you wrote.
I liked your point that we have to just do things to our best potential. That is so true because I think when we do something to our best, there is no room for any regret.
Your post reminds me of the paradox parents and teachers face — how to be both kind and strong. It was always easier for me to be kind to children than to assert my strength as an adult. I’m glad Laurie pointed out that kindness is a strength.
Brenda’s most recent blog post..Poor Kitty
Hi Brenda,
You know something? I never thought about the paradox applying to teachers. That is a great point.
Laurie did a great service by pointing out that being kind means being strong. That is so true.
It’s okay to be ambitious but you cant fake ambition. I see many people faking so many traits just because they “think” they “should” have it just because someone else told them that it’s good to be that way.
You are beyond that line and and you already understand that faking won’t help anyway. And it takes a lot of experience of life and intelligence to reach at that point and I’m glad you did and in doing so you are inspiring many of us.
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Hi Sunny,
I have no idea what to say except to say thank you, my friend. It means so much to get such feedback from you and all my other readers.
Thank you, Nadia! Another great post and loads of interesting comments. The only way we can ever be happy is by sitting down and defining what success means to us as unique individuals. It’s different for everyone and if you don’t know how you define it for yourself, in all parts of your life, you’ll never know when you’re there!
janice’s most recent blog post..Claiming Your Voice
Hi Janice,
Excellent point about how the definition for success is different for each person. You are also right about the importance of sitting down and figuring out what success means to you!
Thanks for this post — I particularly liked the story of the snake. What I think it illustrates is that loving someone and setting a boundary with them, or even getting angry at them, aren’t always inconsistent with each other.
Hi Chris!
Glad you like the story of the snake! We each have to figure out how to handle the fine line between being kind and yet being firm when need be.
I don’t know much about Madonna (I know she is in the news a lot). Is she kind and strong? I have to say there are people who abuse kindness to get what they want. These people can be so ruthless you have to stand up for yourself in such a way that may be against your true nature. It really is so hard to be yourself at times (a lot of times).
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Hi Paisley,
You are right there are people who abuse kindness but that says a lot about them. I know it can be hard to be yourself at times but in the end, we all have to be true to who we are. Easier said than done, I know but it can be done.
“If you talk from a place of gratitude, your tone and manner will be conveyed to the other person and there is no fear of being viewed as arrogant or having pride.”
I really loved this line, and think that it’s also important to include in our discussion everyone and everything that played a role in our achievements. It’s never just us doing something. We come from the greater good and are affected and helped by so many (even entities we cannot see).
Beautiful post … Thank you for writing it!
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord’s most recent blog post..Tips To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
Hi Megan,
Great point about how so many factors are involved in our accomplishments. That is so true. It takes many people and other outside forces to help us achieve whatever it is that we want.
I am happy that you enjoyed the post!
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