As you may recall, a couple of weeks ago I published a post called Break Free & Live. The feedback on it was amazing and there were a couple of comments that touched my heart because I knew and could relate to the person’s pain. So many of us are trapped or stuck in jobs that we do not love. We have bills and responsibilities that have to be met. We are taught that it is part of life to do a job that you do not love because that is just how it is supposed to be.
I have had the experience of feeling trapped at a job. I know what it is like to wake up each morning and dread the day ahead. I lived like that for many years until I reached the realization that I could not take it anymore. I felt like I was selling my soul to the devil everyday and I just could not respect myself for doing such a thing. Granted, looking back at my life at that time, my job was not so bad but it just did not make my heart sing and I could not find any joy in it no matter how hard I tried.
In 2004, my husband and I decided to go live in India. There was a project he wanted to work on and I just so much wanted a change, it seemed like the most logical thing we could do. What I was not prepared for was the reaction such a decision would have from my relatives on my mother’s side of the family.
Some of my relatives thought I had lost my mind. One told me that I was out of touch with reality to quit my job and live in India. When I tried to explain that I needed to make sense out of life and find my purpose, it made no difference. If anything, it added to their belief that I was crazy. One uncle went to the extreme of telling everyone in the family not to talk to me. I was effectively disowned and told that my life was not worth more than a piece of dirt. Lies were told behind my back. My good reputation was destroyed within a month of voicing my decision.
I was hurt and I was angry. Isn’t love supposed to be unconditional? Not to my relatives. I later found out that some of my relatives were afraid that I would ask them for money which never was the case. It was an eye opener of an experience.
I realized that my decision to take time out to find my bliss was a threat to them and how they viewed life. My relatives were all unhappy people who had convinced themselves that life was tough and here I was going out to prove them wrong. The odds were stacked against me and I felt the pressure of that negativity every day because even though I was out of the country, I still would know of their disapproval. I would get emails and phone calls telling me how bad I was and that I was a failure. It was a full assault on my sense of self.
I cried every day due to the weight of the pressure but I never gave up on what I was trying to do. I did find what I was looking for and living in India was one of the best decisions I ever made. We returned to America some six months later and I was scared of the battle ahead with my family.
I tried my best to make peace but nothing I did changed their mind. I had discovered a lot about spirituality and myself when I was in India. The purpose and mission of that move had been met. I knew that I had to get a job since I was back home in America but I had no idea what kind of job to pursue. I was so afraid to be trapped but then life sent me someone who taught me a great lesson which changed my perception about a job.
I was on my way back from a visit to my family where I did what I could to make the situation better. I had succeeded slightly but not as much as I had wanted. The flight I was on was four hours long and I hoped that I would be seated with someone who was pleasant. I was not in the mood to talk to anyone, the whole battle with my relatives had worn me out. So I was happy when the person sitting next to me seemed like a happy guy.
His name was David and he was heading out to visit a friend. It was the first time he had been on a plane in twenty-five years. He was a bit nervous about flying but was sure it would be okay. David was so at peace with himself, he talked to me as if he had known me for years.
We got to talking about our lives and he asked me what I did for a living. I told him my life story and all the drama with my family. He listened intently. He told me that his passion in life was music and that he had reached a realization about how to pursue his passion while meeting the responsibilities of daily life.
He told me that he has a job that allows him to do what he loves. He plays in a band in the evenings and on the weekends. He said that his wife was an angel because she understood his need to play music. By having the kind of life where he can pursue his passion, he has come to love his job. He said that although he does not love the work that he does, he loves his job for giving him a life that he loves.
I asked him if he would like to have a career in music and he said that he does, even though he may not earn much from it. His belief was that in the end, he is doing what he loves and he is happy. I asked him if he ever felt trapped and he said no. I told him that I guess it boils down to perception and he agreed.
I never got David’s business card or contact information but he gave me great advice. I went ahead and got jobs that enabled me to have a life that I love. My passion is writing and I have a day job that enables me to engage in my passion. I am not madly in love with my day job and yes, I wish I did not have to do it but I love what it gives me.
As with everything in life, it boils down to perception. If you keep focusing on all the things you do not love about it, you will be miserable. However, when you begin to notice the positive aspects of what you have, then you cannot help but feel happier.
No one is perfect and no one is immune from the challenges that come with being alive. We all have our own fears and issues. If you have a passion, find a way to express it. There are enough hours in a week to find a way to pursue your passion. The concept of limitation is an illusion. There is no limit to what a human being can do regardless of wealth, health or education.
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I sometimes catch myself thinking that I’m lucky to have a lifestyle where I never feel trapped and have the chance to pursue my passion. But it’s not really about luck, is it? It’s about the way we see the world and the choices we make. Trapped is when we make a choice and then focus on the negatives (there are always ‘positives’ and ‘negatives’ in any choice) and forget that it was a choice.
I had a similar reaction from some of my family when I made some of the choices I made. Fortunately they came around, but I think they felt threatened. I chose a way of life very different to theirs and they somehow saw that as criticism of their own choices. But they see that I’m happy and that I never judge their way of life. So they came to accept it. Took some time though.
Ian | Quantum Learning’s most recent blog post..How are you?
Hi Ian,
You are right about the power of choice. I think that is an excellent point. I am also happy to know that eventually your family came around to accept how you life. I am very happy to know that!
Nadia.
I understand what you’re saying but it confuses me.
From what I’ve read and come to believe, if we pursue our passions, the abundance follows, hence making our passion into a prosperous mode of employment as well.
Now, I only know this in theory since am struggling to make it happen, but somewhere I believe in it.
I’ve seen people follow their passions, with great energy and zeal and it comes to life, like magic. Hence I think that I need to work on my ‘energy ‘ and ‘zeal’. Remove the blockages and limiting thoughts that are stopping me from achieving the goal.
Am I being too much of an idealist here? But then I suppose everyone’s way or expereince is different. What do you think?
Uzma
Hi Uzma,
You raise an excellent question and I am so happy that you did so. You are not being too much of an idealist at all. I share your belief that if we pursue our passions with all of our energy and remove limiting thoughts, those dreams will come true. So I am with you.
I personally am doing my all to make my passions a reality but I still have to pay the bills in the meanwhile. Hence, I have a day job but my day job allows me to give my all to my passions.
However, not everyone is capable of removing those blockages and then they give up on their passions. Some people also do not go after their passions due to pressure and fear and responsibility of a family. For such people, they can still find a way to do both. That is what David’s story represented. He found a way to enjoy his passion for music while living what he thought was a responsible life. I think some people expect that going after their passion is an easy thing but it is not. It requires a lot of energy and it takes time. Many people do not have those things but they can still find a way to go after their passion as did David.
Does this clear up the confusion?
Sorry I haven’t visited these last few days, Nadia, but I have a chance to catch up now. I’ve been saving your posts as a treat to be savoured when I’m in the right frame of mind. I read every word and every comment. You can always be sure I visit because I want to.
I wish I could come over there and hug you right now. My husband and I were shunned when my daughter was a baby. By his whole family, including his mother, brother and sister. All aunts, uncles and cousins. Lies and versions were spread and believed. I haven’t seen my nephew since he was months old. My son was born with no welcome from that side of the family. They knew of his birth, but chose not to acknowledge him because we weren’t speaking at the time – punished for our ‘sins’ from the day he was born. Because we spoke our truth, quietly and clearly – once. We drew our boundary lines, said please do not do this any more, and viral condemnation ensued. People are scared of bravery, of people who have firm calm boundaries, of people who take responsibility for their own happiness, of people bold enough to shout an eternal YES!! instead of a bitter, sad little “No. No I can’t I shan’t I won’t…it’s not fair…”Bold, positive people can inadvertently remind others of their own sadness, of dreams thwarted. We can do our best to inspire, uplift and share, but there comes a time when you have to nurture yourself so you can trade in the universe’s preferred currency – which is love. Surround yourself with a ‘family’ of people who nourish you, who love the person you’ve evolved into, who don’t judge you by their own paradigms. Say yes to love, no to pain. Love them, forgive them, free them to choose you or let you go…then walk into your gift.
We have rebuilt a relationship with his mum – she’s much happier these days, not permanently exhausted and anxious any more and it’s worked out well for all of us. For my family’s sake, I used every coaching skill I had till I almost, almost gave up. But we now have a relationship built on our terms. We have one life. Being able to choose how we use it is a precious gift.
janice’s most recent blog post..Hyacinths and Silence
Hi Janice,
Thank you so much for being so open and sharing your experience. I am happy to know that I am not alone. Of course, I knew I was not alone but you know what I mean!
I agree that when someone goes after their bliss, it really does anger those who did that. It is as if their sense of the world is shaken and instead of acknowledging the possibilities of life, they want to tie you down to their reality. Kind of sad. I have no idea what the future holds with that side of my family. However, the fact that you along with Ian, who also had a similar problem, have managed to rebuild that gives me hope that things may improve. Time will tell.
I really enjoyed this post. It’s too bad your relatives felt threatened (jealous?) of your decision and I admire that you continue to keep in touch with them.
Following our passion is essential to feel that our lives are fulfilled, but we don’t have to be doing it 24/7 – especially if that leads to additional worries in other parts of our lives (ie. paying bills) and disrupts our overall sense of contentment. We likely have more than one passion and we can choose which ones we can do now (that fit into our lives/schedules) and which ones we can do later (which may better fit into our schedules at another time – as long as we don’t put if off indefinitely).
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success’s most recent blog post..The Strength of Kindness
Hi Laurie,
You are right, we can choose how we want to spend our time and find a way to express our passions. It truly does boil down to choice and a matter of perspective.
Thanks for sharing once again, Nadia. It really hurts when the people who judge us are the ones we expected the most to understand and support us. But then our happiness lies in our own hands, not in another’s opinion, and we couldn’t help others even if we stay miserable in our own lives. People are afraid of change, people are hurt by change, but after some time who knows? We can even be their greatest inspiration.
Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK’s most recent blog post..Poor People Hoard, Rich People Give and Receive
Hi Jocelyn,
Thank you so much for such a warm and loving comment. You are right, happiness lies in our own hands. I have come to make my peace with what happened. It was not easy but I overcame it. Yay!
I love your perspective on this hot topic of being “trapped” in a day job, and I wholeheartedly believe it. Viktor Frankl was trapped in a concentration camp and chose to keep a relatively positive frame of mind about those insanely awful conditions.
I think if you can get paid for doing what you passionately love, then clearly you should do it. If what you love won’t pay all the bills (maybe you love teaching, and that is grossly underpaid) then you may have to find an additional source of income that allows you to pay the bills AND do what you love. It sounds like you’ve managed to find this healthy compromise.
The tough part is, not everyone can adjust their perspective to embrace the positives of their situation. Some soul-sucking jobs really should be left behind, but many of us are trapped by the need for income and medical insurance in the midst of a recession… when options are fairly limited. In 2004 we did what you did, dropped everything and moved abroad, but selling the house was easy, and getting a job upon our return was even easier.
One of the big problems these days is that the lower level of Maslow’s hierarchy is feeling a little unstable… providing for basic needs, so it’s a great challenge to focus on self-actualization and the pursuit of happiness. I’m not saying we shouldn’t, I just… wish I knew the answer so that all my friends and family who feel “trapped” could be liberated.
Lisis’s most recent blog post..Standing Alone, Serenely Balanced
Hi Lisis,
Your comment made me sad because I know that some people cannot find the positive aspects of the situation they are in. I know many people who are like that and they end up carrying that pain everywhere they go. They then blame the world for how things are. No matter how hard I have tried to make them see that there is always a positive to be found, it gets dismissed.
Life is about choices and at the end of the day we choose how we want to look at what we have. A person can either see the glass half full or they can see it half empty.
I wish I knew what it is that makes some of us free spirits and others not. I too come from a family of caterpillars who tenaciously cling to the ground or the bark. Their destiny, of course, is to be still, go inside themselves for a while, and emerge as butterflies. If they fail to emerge, they wither and die. So many people are trapped like this by conditions that feel safe and familiar. Those who break free from the darkness know that flight feels equally natural. Call it what you will, it’s still the magic and mystery of life that pushes us toward the light of kindness, compassion, and beauty. It’s our compassion for the trapped caterpillars that causes us to feel pain. If they were free too, we would not suffer.
Hi Brenda,
Absolutely beautiful…you said it perfectly so there is nothing I can add.
One of the things I kept “hearing” in your blog post and in the comments is the notion of perception. It seems that most of us agree that our perception of our current circumstances can make all the difference in how we feel about it and choose to respond to it. But it also seems that this is where it is stopping–in the here and now. What if we changed our perceptions of the future too?
What if we thought of it as a bowl of endless riches and possibilities that all we had to do was reach in and grab a handful?
Four years ago, I left my corporate job with nothing lined up at all. Sure it was scary, but I trusted that the end result would be for my betterment and lead me further along the road to where I wanted to go. Not once during the days and months after I left my job (which I too had felt trapped in) did I have my needs go unwanted or unmet. The Universe always stepped in with a friend or a job or something that got me by.
I had something similar happen again recently, only this time I lost my job, quite unexpectedly and in a very painful way. Oddly enough, I had battled within myself for months about actually resigning this job myself. But my concern for our finances and the current state of the economy kept me holding on. Needless to say, The Universe took this decision out of my hands. And while it took me some time for me to come to terms with this loss, and while it couldn’t have come at a worse time financially, it was nonetheless a blessing in disguise and opened up the opportunity for me to write. Again, with each need we’ve had, the Universe has provided, and we have not gone without.
I say all this because I believe part of the reason for this is my new changed perception of the future. I do not put it in a box either. I trust that there is a bigger picture I cannot see beyond the many obstacles and pitfalls that riddle my line of vision. There’s another perspective beyond mine. And in that Someone’s perception, the very thing I need may be no more than an arm’s reach away. But I might have to trust and reach out my arm before I know it.
Chania Girl’s most recent blog post..The Beginning of Happiness
Hi Chania,
I have found the same thing too. Whenever times were tough, whether it be economic or social, some way or some how something would happen that would help me get by. I think when a person acts from a place of love and belief, that sends a really positive message out into the world and it comes back to you in the form of a job offer or whatever which helps you to the next step. Some call it faith. Whatever a person chooses to call it, there is definitely a guiding hand that guides us to where we need to be but we have to be open to what we are shown. That is where the perspective issue comes into play.
I agree with you too about there being a bigger picture.
I have always felt and do feel that things happen for a reason. Our actions play a part too. Along my journey, a monk told me that if you are not happy with what you life looks like, then change the picture. Meaning it is up to us to have a life that reflects who we truly are. Many people are afraid to go grab that life because fear is such a powerful emotion and when the economy is the way that it is, fear only increases.
This is a great story. I agree — perception is SO important. Attitude is everything! Thank you for reminding of us of this in your post. It was both a sad and a happy read and I truly enjoyed it!
Positively Present’s most recent blog post..break the chains of adversity in 7 (sort of) easy steps
Hi Dani,
Attitude is everything and I am happy that you enjoyed the post. And don’t feel sad about it…people are people.
Hey Nadia
That makes sense. Also I suppose its best to follow the passion, in whatevery way possible. Full time, part time, hobby , interest. The point is the following of the passion and hence creation of happiness. The idea then is not to loose the sense of joy?
On another note ,do write a post in finding one’s unique passion. I ask because I seem to have many and don’t know which one to follow wholeheartedly.
Uzma
Hi Uzma,
I am so happy you wrote back. Yes, the idea is to have a way to express that joy and not to lose it.
As for the post suggestion, thank you so much. I will add it to my list!
Family is tribal. When we “break the rules of the tribe” we are not doing as we are “supposed to” according to the laws of the tribe. Interestingly enough, you really do find out who is who when a family member chooses a road different from the tribe. It can be very painful, but important to realize these loved ones are in a paradigm where they don’t question, because a tribe follows the tribe…be it cultural, social, familial, etc…they just know, “you’re not following us” and as was said before, this is perceived as a threat (unfortunately). Important to remember is to not take it personally. Easy to say perhaps but essential to take to heart. Great post, great comments… thank you!
Hi Molly,
The imagery of a tribe is so perfect. You are right…the tribe has a set path and if one member of the tribe goes in a different way, it shakes the balance.
As for not taking it personally, that took me time to achieve that but I did it! Yay!
I love what Brenda said: “It’s our compassion for the trapped caterpillars that causes us to feel pain. If they were free too, we would not suffer.”
That is at the very heart of the matter. I know what my caterpillars need is a shift in perspective… they can liberate themselves. But, for whatever reason, they are not at that stage in the journey, and there’s nothing I can do to rush them out of their cocoons so they can fly with me.
Lisis’s most recent blog post..Standing Alone, Serenely Balanced
Hi Lisis,
As the old Buddhist saying goes “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. I am sure that when those in your life are ready to have shift in perspective, they will. Until then, keep being the loving person that you are…I have no doubt you will.
Wow, Nadia, it’s unbelievable how much opposition you faced for following your heart! That makes me so sad to hear. Not just for you, but for the people who felt so threatened by your decision. Life must be tough for them.
I am realizing now that I come from an unusually optimistic and supportive background. When I told my parents I wanted to quit my job go to New Zealand for a year, they were thrilled.
But I have noticed a lot of doubt in other people. This weekend I was talking to a stranger at a party, and my plan came up, and I he could not get past the fact that I didn’t have a better-paying job lined up down there, and that I wasn’t worried about what I would do when I got back. Just the prospect of unceremoniously leaving my current career was unfathomable to him.
Great post Nadia, I really enjoyed it. It is good that there are people like David out there, to serve as an example. I once had a teacher who said “I never met a David I didn’t like.” Neither have I, not yet anyway.
David Cain’s most recent blog post..You Are the Greatest Story Ever Told
Hi David,
Come to think of it, I have never met a David I didn’t like.
Good for you for having such a supportive family. That is a huge blessing. I am not surprised at the doubt you are experiencing from other people. I think a lot of people would love to do what you are doing but are afraid to do it. Some people have life set down to a formula and when you mess with the formula, they freak out. There will always be some people who are like that and as you said, life is tough for them.
These are great insights.
It’s a little tricky though. Many people know their passion and are held back by fear. Many don’t know their true passions. This is why intention-manifestation doesn’t work for most people. In the cluttered mind, it is difficult to connect with true intentions and passions. Releasing helps with fear, and awareness can help unclutter the mind.
You make a great point about how others react when we make decisions. Possibly, their egos are threatened, or perhaps they are wishing they could overcome their fears as well.
Thanks again for some great insights.
Kaushik’s most recent blog post..Mother’s Day – saluting the strength of women
Hi Kaushik!
I loved your line about how with a “cluttered mind, it is difficult to connect with true intentions and passions”. So true!
Hi Nadia — thanks for this story. I’m glad to hear you even found a mildly satisfactory day job.
I was not able to do that when I first left the law — but actually, now that I think about it, those day jobs were great because I did hardly anything in them and I could work on my own projects. It looks like you’ve shifted my perspective.
Hi Chris,
Happy to have been of help!
I am also happy to know that you were able to make the career switch from being a lawyer to a purpose power coach!
Nadia,
You come from a tough family. I hope your relationships with your family members are cordial again.
Life is never going to be perfect and it’s so much better when we are thankful for what we have. I try to be mindful of as many moments as possible.
Roger – A Content Life’s most recent blog post..Meditation for Beginners (Week 2) – Focused Meditation
Hi Roger,
That is all you can ask for, being in the moment and making the most out of it!
Sometimes people don’t seem to understand our passion. I remember that they are laughing at me when I first decided to go blogging but now they understand that I could really make money online.
Palabuzz’s most recent blog post..Christian Bautista in on a hospital
Hi Palabuzz,
That makes sense too. People may not understand why we love what we love and because they do not understand, they make fun of it. Good for you for following your passion.
I was dragged ‘kicking and screaming’ into a situation that to me was the worst thing that could possibly happen. What made me really angry (livid) was that I hadn’t caused it, I was the damn victim here. I was forced to use my natural ability. This in turn forced me to recognise my natural ability and not make light of it. I really did lose everything to find me (my passion). Great post Happy Lotus – thanks.
Paisley’s most recent blog post..Cheap and Cheerful
Hi Paisley!
I am happy that you did find you and your passion. Sometimes it is not a pleasant process to get to that point but at least you got there!
Nadia, another wonderful post. I think people will need to read it a couple of times to really digest the magnitude of everything you’re saying.
I think you were spot on with this: “I realized that my decision to take time out to find my bliss was a threat to them and how they viewed life.” There is so much depth to that one sentence. It is amazing how bound up in our own worldviews we can be, to the point that we find other peoples’ lifestyles threatening. I know many people who feel their life is out of their control and sucks badly, so what do they do? They fool themselves into thinking they have control by bitterly clinging to the life they think is so bad. They decide that life must be that way for everybody, always, and because they made the decision not to fight against it, that gives them a sense of control over the uncontrollable.
I will say, it can have a profound impact on the rest of your life if you have a job you like — or at least, that you don’t dislike. My last teaching job paid me embarrassingly large amounts of money, but demanded ridiculous hours and frequent small compromises to my personal integrity — it made my stomach churn just thinking about going to work every morning. I loved the place I was living and the people around me, but I could not enjoy any of it. It was all soured by the salary monster that was gnawing away at my soul.
Now I make a lot less money, but enjoy my work so much more. My work also doesn’t invade my brain in my personal time, so I can actually embrace the other things in my life — books, music, nature, spending time with my wife.
One last thing — I’m reading a book that you may be interested, called Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity, by David Whyte. It’s a very poetic journey into what work is and what it means for us all.
Sorry for the novel-sized comment! Take care.
Thomas’s most recent blog post..Why Google Chrome Matters: Netbooks!
Hi Thomas!
You (and everybody else) never have to apologize for writing a long comment!
So have no worries, my friend. I loved every bit of your comment and thank you so much for the book recommendation. I will have to add it to my list that never ends.
I can relate a lot to your experience of being at a job that paid so well but made you feel miserable. When I was at a job that I hated, I used to feel like I was selling my soul every day. I just felt like I was living this huge lie. Each day was like a pain to experience. Good for you for recognizing what you were feeling and for having the courage to change jobs. Not many people would do that but then again not everyone is hochmann!!!
Nadia,
While I regret what happened with you, I can see that you are willing to find your own path and that’s so important. We can’t let others determine our choices in life.
This post was very helpful to me. I had to make a difficult decision. I’ve been working very hard to get my blog going and then my boyfriend was given the chance to return to Switzerland ( we were there last year). He invited me to join him again. It was actually a difficult decision because I knew it would be hard to keep up with my blogging, but I went anyway.
It means making some things will be delayed, but as I sit here and literally watch clouds float by unbelievably beautiful mountains, I know it was a good decision. I may not be making lots of money, but I am enjoying my life:~)
Sara’s most recent blog post..In Switzerland
Hi Sara!
You are absolutely right that no one can determined our choices in life. I agree with that attitude. We have to listen to our hearts and do what we feel is best for us even if other people do not agree.
Good for you for following your heart and going to Switzerland!
I hear Switzerland is beautiful and I know the chocolate is awesome. What is even more important, you are enjoying your life! Yay! 
The most striking thing about your post was the hostility you received from your family. In highlighting your belief that there *is* more to life than simply accepting your lot – i.e. accepting that life is hard, and unpleasant, but let’s trudge on – you have threatened their beliefs that there isn’t.
Bravo for being brave, and I hope *their* problem wasn’t too unpleasant for you to experience.
As for unconditional love – yes, people can offer it to you, just as long as you don’t [insert condition here] lol
Thanks for sharing. My first post got vaporised (probably onto the new Starship Enterprise!
) so this is my second attempt to say “thanks” 
Steve
Steve M Nash’s most recent blog post..It’s Been Good
Hi Steve,
Welcome to Happy Lotus! Thank you for not giving up on commenting. I have no idea how your first one got vaporised!
I also appreciate all that you wrote regarding how my family reacted. I wish I could say that it was not too unpleasant. It was really tough to stand against such a powerful force but I am glad that I did. I knew on some level that what I was doing was not wrong so that made it a bit easier to be brave.
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