Prior to moving to India, I was addicted to using the treadmill for my daily workout. I knew that in the little village we would live in, there was no gym. I was not too thrilled about the idea of not exercising so I decided that I would walk around the village every morning and do yoga. There was no yoga studio where we lived so I was on my own for six months. I bought some yoga dvd’s before I left for India and a yoga mat.
The funny thing about living in India was that I actually gained weight there. Most people lose weight but not me. Between the stress that my family was causing me and the lack of an intense workout, my weight went up.
Once we returned to America, I went back to working out on a treadmill and the weight disappeared. I was convinced I would never do yoga again. I told myself that meditating was my form of yoga and that was it on the issue.
So here I am four years later and I am starting to realize that yoga is beginning to call me back. I am not too thrilled at the notion because even though my mind tells me that yoga is very good for me, I am concerned about gaining weight. It is so stupid but the women out there will understand. No woman in her right mind wants to be heavier unless she is pregnant. Pregnancy is the only time when gaining weight is acceptable.
Due to my busy schedule it is hard to go take a formal class so I figured I would have to go back to using dvd’s and do yoga from home. All that was left to figure out was to find the time to do it. Despite all of this convenience, I came to see that I was still reluctant to go ahead with it.
The more reluctant I become, the more I feel something telling me to go back to it. I have been debating this issue for the last month or so. I never reached a conclusion until the other day.
I am studying to be a mindfulness meditation teacher and for one of the classes, we did a short yoga stretch routine for about twenty minutes. It was so much fun, I realized that I could do both…treadmill and yoga. I was happy to realize that I did not have to give up my beloved treadmill for yoga.
Now the interesting thing is that once I made this connection, it occurred to me during meditation why I needed to get back to the mat. I need to work more on learning to love my body and discover its potential as opposed to feeling like it is separate from me.
Like some young women in the world, I always had an issue with my weight. Granted, I am not heavy or fat but it has always felt like a struggle to keep thin. Food becomes an enemy instead of being something that nourishes you. My friends and I have discussed this topic frequently because we are bombarded with images that remind us that beauty is only a certain size. I have friends who are so thin, they feel pressure to be heavier. I have friends who are heavier who feel pressure to be thinner. If you are happy with your size (like me) you feel pressure to remain at that size. No one seems to win when it comes to weight.
When my mom was dying from cancer, it made me realize that the body is something we take for granted. We all have at one point or another abused our bodies whether it was through food or alcohol or drugs or cigarettes. We are sometimes unaware that our body is connected to us. Mind, body and spirit are all connected for a reason. When one is out of balance, the other two suffer. How many times have we stuffed ourselves with food only to feel extremely tired or down?
Ever since I was sixteen, I have been a vegetarian and that choice has made me more aware of what I put into my body. However, that choice has not made me love my body more. I think the time has come to make peace with my body and I think yoga is the way to do that. At least that is why I believe I feel drawn to go back to the yoga mat.
I will keep you all posted and if there are any yoga experts out there, please feel free to share any advice you have!
Author’s Note: On Tuesday, I published a post entitled Conscious Capitalism. Jeff Klein, who works with John Mackey of Whole Foods, contacted me and informed me that the total sales for 2008 for Whole Foods was about $8 billion as opposed to $1.86 billion. Thank you, Jeff, for providing me with the correct figure.
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I have back problems which make exercise a minefield, but I do own one ‘exercise’ video. It’s called Yogalates and is a combination of Pilates and Yoga. The novelty appealed to me. It lessened that feeling I have with yoga of always doing it ‘wrong’ no matter what benefits I feel.
My one piece of unsolicited advice for anyone with weight issues? Eat nothing for a few days to rediscover what real physical hunger feels like, where you feel it in your body and how it shows up. That makes it easier to ask the question “Am I really hungry? If not, is it thirst? Or what am I really craving? Love, attention, control, comfort, a rest, a reward, a friend to celebrate with, consolation? Discover that, and you can then go out and get your real needs met.
This piece made me want to wrap you in a huge hug. You don’t have to be thin and light – or pregnant – to love your body just as it is. We all adore you here, just as you are. When you love yourself enough, healthy eating and exercise routines follow. I can so imagine you loving yoga some day – the image in my mind of you doing yoga resonates with what I know of you. It’s so sad that the yoga has become symbolic of the pain you experienced as a result of your decision to go to India and a scapegoat for the weight gain that resulted from the change in your exercise routine and you feeding yourself the love you weren’t getting from your family. I think you nailed it on the head here:
I think this is the start of a wonderful new phase for you! Let us know how it goes.
janice’s most recent blog post..Sharing the Seattle Journey
Hi Janice,
You are such a sweet person!
Thank you for the hug, I send one right back to you.
I think you made a really great point that “when you love yourself enough, healthy eating and exercise routines follow”. That is so true. I think a healthy love of self is something that so many people do not have. I am much better than I was and I could even be better at it. It is funny, people always comment to me about how I am always optimistic and happy. I always tell them that it is best I am at peace with myself and I see the world as this amazing place so why be sad or miserable. However, I know in my heart, I could even love myself more which makes me wonder how much more happiness that would bring.
I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said that the best love affair there is in life is the love affair one has with themselves. I think that is so true because I think that in the West, many people hate themselves.
Some scientist asked the Dalai Lama how does a person cope with self-hate and His Holiness did not understand the question. They tried to translate it to him a few times and he still did not understand the question. He found it strange that someone could not love themselves. So maybe it is a cultural issue too.
Nadia,
My wife is a yoga teacher and I suggest you try several classes at various studios. There are many types of yoga and some are better for your body than others.
I lift weights and run, so exercise is not new for me. I’ve taken my wife’s class a few times and I’m surprised by how hard yoga is to do. My wife makes it look easy, but I’m really inflexible.
Also, there is much more strength training in yoga than I realized. This would be good for you if you only do aerobic activity.
Good luck!
Roger – A Content Life’s most recent blog post..My First Zen Experience
Hi Roger,
Thank you for sharing your experiences, Roger. As I said in the post, going to a class is really hard for me because my life is so full of so many things. I do know that I like Ashtanga. I am using dvd’s by Rainbeau Mars and just purchased one by Shiva Rea.
Hi Nadia,
Glad that you have returned to yoga. I started it about 6 months ago and I LOVE it. And Roger is completely right — there are many different types of yoga. Some have a lot of strength training and can be really hard.
Body issues are tough even for people who are thin. I know of someone who is underweight and has lots of issues with food. Even though she should gain weight and there is lots of pressure to do so from family, our society tells her that being thin is best. With the conflicting messages, it’s hard for her to actually gain weight.
Thank you for sharing. It was a joy to read.
Vi | Maximizing Utility’s most recent blog post..Introversion and Shyness
Hi Vi,
That is awesome about you and yoga. I am so happy to read that you love it. Yay!
I appreciate you sharing the struggles that your friend has with being underweight. So many people think it is people who are heavy who struggle with it. However, like you, I have friends who are underweight and they are just as frustrated. It is amazing to me that something that should be so simple (loving our bodies) has been so complicated.
I know exactly what you mean… I have a whole issue with food/ exercise, though I’m not really over or under weight. The whole thing just seems like it requires so much effort and constant management. I will tell you that, as much as I dislike exercise, I managed to do Yoga and Pilates for well over a year… I was even teaching it at Gold’s Gym at one point (which I can hardly believe now!). Yoga was the one thing that never felt like WORK… it was like spending an hour at the spa and coming out in better shape.
Can’t beat that!
Lisis’s most recent blog post..What I Learned From A Stripper
Hi Lisis,
I appreciate you being open with your struggles with food/exercise. That is awesome that you taught yoga and pilates. Have you ever thought of going back to it?
I’ve been thinking of joining a yoga class. Strangely, I always sit in yoga-like positions and am naturally quite flexible. I find it extremely comfortble.
In my opinion, food is not respected for what it is. Food is life-giving. Eating too much or too little is a symptom of imbalance. However, food is also a symbol of abundance at times – like festivals. Food is powerful.
Paisley’s most recent blog post..The Last Word
Hi Paisley,
I am so happy that you brought up the importance of what food really is which is that it is meant to nourish. You are right, food is powerful.
Yoga is extremely comfortable the more you practice. I know from my experiences, the more I do it, the more relaxed my muscles feel and I also feel more centered.
I’ve only ever done yoga once (fell asleep half way during the meditation segment and woke up when the class finished heh heh), but I know what you mean about getting in touch with the body. Many of us tend to ignore the body, even after we begin a path of personal/spiritual growth. But it’s just as much a part of us and our overall happiness and well-being. Good luck with your explorations in Yoga, Nadia!
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net’s most recent blog post..Love and Compassion Can Defeat Suffering And Depression
Hi Albert,
You are funny with how you feel asleep in class.
When I first started studying meditation, I used to fall asleep. It lasted for about two weeks and then I never fell asleep again. Anyway…back to your comment. It is interesting that people ignore the body even though they may be on a path of spiritual/personal growth. I think we are disconnected from our bodies. I think what awareness teaches us is that everything is connected. Hope all is well, my friend. 
Nadia, I think you’ve put your finger on a hot button for most of us women. Like you, I think a lot of us (me most definitely included) are endeavouring to love our bodies and act in whatever way we discover that that means.
What I can tell you is that I discovered an amazing yoga class that focuses on heart-opening yoga positions. The instructor is a marvelous woman who consistently reminds us throughout the session to “listen to your body”, “honor your body.” She tells us, “If something hurts, don’t push it. Do what you can do. ” Which is not to say that we are all slugs and never striving to do better, but she reminds us that yoga isn’t a competition. No one is going to get points for having the best downward dog that day. This is about us. No competition at all. Needless to say, I have learned to be much easier and forgiving of myself, both physically and otherwise.
I am excited for you and your venture into yoga and hope you’ll share more with us.
Hi Carla,
I like the philosophy of your teacher. How compassionate.
You are right about how so many people may engage in competition when doing yoga but there is no need for it. I think the same is true in life too. I think so many people think that there is a limit on abundance so they do whatever they can to get ahead.
I will definitely keep you all posted and thank you for sharing how you are trying to love your body more too.
I’ve never tried yoga but I’ve always been curious about it. It’ll be interesting to follow your journey back to the mat. If, along your way, you discover any good dvds, I’d appreciate knowing about them…maybe that will get me to start doing yoga myself.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success’s most recent blog post..Body Language Communicates
Hi Laurie,
When I lived in India, I used Sacred Yoga Practice by Rainbeau Mars which I enjoyed. I just ordered one DVD by Shiva Rea and I will let you know how that goes for me.
When I was in my early thirties, a friend of mine opened a dance exercise studio next door to where I worked. She tapped me to be the door lady, checking everyone in, b/c I could get there early. I did this three days a week for three years, and then the miracle happened. I got pregnant after ten years of marriage! I’ve always attributed my hard-won pregnancy to finally getting healthy.
Brenda’s most recent blog post..Just Dance!
Hi Brenda,
I have heard similar stories too. It is amazing how everything is connected (mind,body and spirit) and when one area is out of balance, it easily effects the other two. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Nadia – I am not a yoga expert, but I have had a similar experience the last few years. Although I had done it off and on over the years, I had never felt pulled to do physical yoga regularly until recently (like you, I have meditated for years, and done others forms of exercise, including martial arts.) I think what I have realized is that it releases pent up negative energies from my system better than anything else – it smooths the flow of energies through the chakras etc., even if you are not consciously focusing on that, because that is what the poses were originally meant to do. And for some reason at this point in my life (42, not sure where you are in in yours!), that has become more necessary. I also don’t do it for long periods of time, and I intersperse it with other more aerobic activity. I think it helps clear me out tremendously.
Lisa (mommymystic)’s most recent blog post..Spiritual Experience vs. Realization (or What’s The Point, Anyway?)
Hi Lisa,
I really appreciate you sharing your experiences on yoga. A lot of what you wrote makes sense to me. I think a lot of tension and stress gets locked within the body and stretching it is a great way to release it. Of course, a person has to release it emotionally too. So it wouldn’t hurt to do both.
It is great to know that it has been of great benefit to you. It is always nice to hear a first hand account so thank you. Hope all is well.
Hey Nadia
Yoga is my way to peace and mindfullness. I couldn’t imagine what I would be without the experience of unity that Yoga gave me. I was able to touch the core of my being in a deep Yoga practise. Yoga centers one, and it is a brilliant mind and body union. The dichotomy dissipates. Mind, body, spirit operate as one.
Also, try different practises to see what suits you. Hatha, power, astanga. Astanga or power Yoga is much faster and one really sweats it out. Brilliant exercise . Also why did you think that it has to be an either/or situation with the treadmill and yoga. Like you said, it really is an ‘and’.
I do sun salutaions to stay in shape. The more , the merrier
Hope you do become a yogini. Actually you probably already are one.
Hi Uzma,
Your love for yoga is very apparent in your comment. That is awesome.
As for my experience, I do prefer power and ashtanga because I like my workouts to be intense. If I don’t sweat, I feel like I didn’t do anything. Plus I used to dance for 12 years so it relates to that too.
As for being a yogini, in a technical sense, I am one. When I was initiated, I was taught about the four major yogic paths that compromise Vedanta. My teacher was big on learning all kinds of traditions so we studied Hinduism. I remember Bhatki, Raja, Jana, and Karma. However, in the West, most people associate yogini with the physical form of yoga.
Hope all is well!
Yoga makes us present. I didn’t understand this many years ago when I first started with yoga, and then it was no fun; it was a “should.” When the shoulding is gone, it takes on a happier quality. Interestingly, many forms of exercise or movement are very much like yoga when we remain present–lifting weights with very slow repetitions for example.
Kaushik’s most recent blog post..Zen Rebellion
Hi Kaushik,
I agree with you on the “shoulding”. I have always loved to exercise and it is never a chore for me. If I don’ do it, I truly miss it. However, many people exercise for the wrong reasons and that is why they may not stick with it.
Hope all is well.
Hmmm, as Uzma mentioned, isn’t doing yoga also activity/release for the brain— as one, meditate while yogo-ing…. ; ) For sure being bombarded with what ‘women’ are suppose to look like, is forever discouraging– an unfortunate caveat to what really matters: health and happiness. I was pleasantly pleased when my brother told me my “extra weight” was just fine, because it came from eating good foods; it was healthy weight, — I felt better immediately!!
Hi Molly,
Nothing is better than having a healthy weight. Good for your brother for recognizing it and bringing it to your attention which in turn allowed you to share it with all of us!
So many times woman are told to look a certain way and some men want women to look a certain way. So your comment shows that not everyone is under that illusion. Thanks!
hi Nadia, going through your post i feel that u becoming more inclined towards yoga n its benefits.well , i am from india n also practising it since long.like to suggest u pls do add some pranayam (breating exercises) to your yoga schedule n see the miracle.
regards
Manish.
Hi Manish,
Welcome to Happy Lotus! Thank you for the suggestion. When I was studying with my Buddhist Master, we did pranayam daily and it definitely does wonders. Nothing makes the body feel more relaxed so quickly than pranayam.
Do it! Exercise and having an active live is very important. It’s relaxing, reduces stress and healthier of course.
Best of luck.
David LEO’s most recent blog post..Let’s fight against 24000 daily deaths – campaign against hunger
Hi David,
Welcome to Happy Lotus! Have no worries, I workout daily. I am just thinking of adding yoga to my schedule.
I enjoyed reading about your experience. I can’t believe you enjoy the treadmill though. (Just because I get so bored on it! I should probably do it more but it’s just so uneventful.)
Sometimes we eat because we’re unaware of what’s bothering us on a deeper level. In my opinion, there is often a lack of connection, a lack of inner connection to our higher selves, which is what yoga is helpful with – both physical and non-physical types of yoga.
All the best to you on your journey. PS I agree with the suggestion re: pranayama.
Darla – ShareYoga.com’s most recent blog post..Write a yoga haiku. Win a pink Yogitoes yoga towel!
Hi Darla,
You are funny…thank you for being candid about your lack of love for the treadmill.
As I recall, yoga means to yoke or to bring together. So your opinion about how yoga helps create a connection makes total sense. It is obvious you are a genuine yogini!
Hi Nadia
Yoga is a great way to care for our bodies and I love the spirit of it as well. I use to follow this Yoga master name GEO, but he moved to Hawaii.
You just inspire me to going back to yoga class again. Thanks
Giovanna Garcia
Imperect Action is better than No Action
Giovanna Garcia’s most recent blog post..What is truly important in your life?
Hi Giovanna,
I am happy that the post provided some inspiration. Yay! Good for Geo to moving to Hawaii!
Have a great weekend!
hi again Nadia, thx to u for acknowledging my post n first vist to your lovely n meaningful blog.hope to get u in touch here with coming posts.
Good day to u
Manish
good luck with the yoga!..
Hi Ava May,
Welcome to Happy Lotus and thank you for the well wishes!
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