About two weeks ago, I had to add minutes to my calling card. I made a mistake in entering some information so I had to talk to a customer service representative.
What should have taken five minutes to resolve ended up taking a half hour. I had to talk to six different people until finally I was connected to someone who knew what to do. Throughout my half hour long call, I was amazed at how rude some of the people were.
What happened to the customer always being right? What happened to kind and friendly customer service? At one point, I was so flustered, I talked to a manager in the hopes that someone could help me with my problem. The manager was the rudest of them all and all I kept thinking was do I really want to give my hard earned money to a company who treats me so badly? No.
This whole situation reminded me of an article I read a while back in the New York Times about how people no longer seem to have any manners. I think the writer had a point.
So many times I have walked into stores or gone to places where everyone is so unhappy, that a mere thank you is greeted with the human equivalent of a growl. Call me an idealist, I do not care, but there truly is no excuse for someone to be rude to another human being.
The Power of Giving Thanks
Many times I receive emails from people from around the world asking me advice or questions. I always answer each one. Many people write me back and thank me for the reply. However, there are many who do not. I realize that the absence of a “thank you” is not because they are not appreciative but they simply do not think that they have to do so.
One of my friends is a teacher and she can talk for hours on how kids today have no idea how to interact with people. She told me that when kids submit essays, many of the essays are written as if the kid was texting the essay. She said they do not capitalize or even fully write out some words. This is kind of scary.
As a result of modern technology, we rarely communicate face to face. I have many wonderful friends online whom I have never met in person. We talk via Twitter or email. Some of these friends are closer to me in my heart than some of the friends I actually see from time to time.
Since communication is so varied now, people forget that a simple thank you can go a long way. Actually, a simple thank you can make or break a job interview.
With each interview I have ever been to in my life, I always sent a thank you note. Seems like a simple gesture but you might be surprised at how much it can do. It shows that you care about the job and that you are polite. No one wants to work with a rude, arrogant human being.
Rudeness is not a form of self-confidence – actually, it is quite the opposite. A self-confident person would never be rude. An insecure person uses rudeness as a mask.
Fear is At the Root of It All
If there is one emotion that we all struggle with it is fear. Actually, fear is at the core of all negative actions, feelings and thoughts. Turn on the evening news, and fear is on display. Watch a crime show, fear is part of the plot. Terrorism is based on promoting fear. Anger is rooted in fear. Jealousy, envy, arrogance, coldness, and so many other negative human emotions are all rooted in fear.
We are afraid because we are told that we should be afraid or x, y, and z will come and get us. What has made matters even more interesting is that since we are all in the midst of a global financial crisis, we are even more afraid because there appears to be no safety-net. Fear makes us feel that we are all alone in the world.
It is very sad that as a society many of us choose to define ourselves by our paychecks and salaries. It is also sad that many people are so self-absorbed that they could care less about their fellow human beings as a result of the fear that seems to be rampant.
So due to all this mess, many of us feel justified to be stuck in our misery and to take it out on other people. When I was in the midst of my pain and misery, I was rude at times to some people. I am not proud of this but I was in so much pain, my rudeness was a cry for help. However, all it did was make me more stuck in my misery.
The interesting thing is that the ruder I was, the more pain I received from other people. If I was rude to one person, some other person would say something to me which only made me feel worse. So what you put out into the world will definitely be returned to you.
Life is A Mirror
If you choose to see the world as some mean place where no one cares about you, then that will be your experience. Choose to see the world as a place of abundance and wonderful people and that will be your experience. You get what you focus on, it is that simple.
That said, even though I see the world as a place where anything is possible, I do have my share of interactions with people who are not of the same mindset but it is rare and it always strikes me as odd. Being angry or rude will not bring you any closer to happiness and peace. If anything, it will take you far away from such positive emotions.
There was a time in my life, when I had very little money and had to live out of my car for a couple of months (it’s a very long story) but every day, I had food to eat and I did have shelter and a bathroom to use. The Universe provided in mysterious ways and during those tough times, I was a miserable human being. I was full of fear and was very sad.
However, looking back at those times, I realize that they were a great teacher. It humbled me tremendously and made me realize that there are many angels in disguise. It also made me realize the power of love and compassion.
We all have had our share of pain but we do not need to be a slave to it. Being polite is an act of kindness. You want the world to be a kind and compassionate place, then start being a kind and compassionate person. You are far more powerful than you realize.
There is no need to trivialize that power by being rude or impolite. You were created for greatness, so start being great. Say thank you and excuse me and all the other things you know you should say but sometimes don’t. Hold the door open for someone and if someone is rude to you, let it go. It is not you, it is them.
The world is at the point where the old way of being is coming to an end. We do not need more arrogance or rudeness or selfishness. We need people who are willing to step up to the plate and finally start living to their full potential.
Note: To read more about the reasons behind my new schedule change, click here.
{ 3 trackbacks }
{ 39 comments }
Hi Nadia,
A couple of months ago I had to call our cell phone carrier over a problem with our phone. Based on previous experiences, much like yours with the calling card – I went into this not all that happy, and expecting a long call and rude people. The lady I talked to was completely the opposite. I couldn’t have asked for a friendlier or nicer person to help me. And it didn’t mean I had this all resolved in two minutes – it took a while. But it was so good actually talking to her. We laughed, she asked about me – in those few minutes together, she took the time to care. And it made a world of difference on how I felt. I left that call, fully happy with the company, and what had just transpired – even though it was a problem that wasn’t my fault.
Kindness and caring, and just simply being polite – this is so good. As far as I know, we’re here once on this earth – and how do I want to spend that time? I want to feel uplifted, and feel joy in my life. And that’s the whole “mirror” idea you’ve talked about – we get what we give.
Nadia, thank you for being here. For sharing your voice so openly. For being “you”. And through it all, helping me to become a better person. You are a gift in my life, and a light unto our whole world!
Lance´s last blog ..There Is Greatness Within
Hi Lance,
Thank you so much for all you wrote. I am deeply touched. Just know, it goes both ways. I am grateful to know you and to call you a friend.
Ironically, a few days after the incident that I wrote about, I had to call the electric/gas company and I got a human angel on the other end. It was such a nice exchange and it proved to me once again, that kindness and being polite sure is powerful!
Hope you are having a beautiful day!
Thank you for being you, Nadia. You make the world a better and brighter place just by being here, and by sharing yourself with the rest of us.
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..The Road’s Still Long
Hi Jay,
You are so sweet. Now I am turning more pink after I already turned pink from Lance’s comment!
What we see in others, we see in ourselves. So what you told me is a reflection of you and all the love you have in your heart!
You know, from the time I could speak and write, my mom ingrained in me the necessity of saying or writing “thank you’s.” Any time I received a gift from someone, I had to write a thank you card. The odd thing was, my mom taught me how to do it sincerely, so it was never a chore. And the people I sent them to seemed thrilled to receive them!
To this day, the manners my mother taught me are my foundation. Since stepping onto a spiritual path, I’ve expanded what “thank you” means. It’s not just something I say when I’m the recipient of a material gift. It’s something I feel, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, when I get up each day. “Thank you, Universe, for this blessed life.”
Unwittingly, my mother built a solid foundation for me from which I could build a house (life) of gratitude. (Thanks, Mom!)
“Whatever we give thanks for, the Universe will pay attention to and expand in our lives.”
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..A Happy Mouth = Just Plain Happy
Hi Megan,
My mom was the same way too and I never understood why people would make a big deal when I sent a thank you card or whatever.
You are so right that when you are on a spiritual path the definition expands into something greater. Each day is filled with so many blessings for which we all can be grateful in some way or another!
Like Lance, I recently had “that call” with the phone/ cable/ internet company, only mine went more predictably: two hours and many tears of frustration later I hung up… having accomplished NOTHING. It’s as if these “customer service” people are trained to have no heart whatsoever and do everything in their power to make sure we do NOT get what we need (the opposite of the customer is always right… I guess that policy got too expensive).
I have gotten so used to this new system, that now I’m surprised when someone is polite!
Thank YOU for always being so polite!!!
Lisis´s last blog ..Zen and the Art of Eating Ben & Jerry’s
Hi Lisis,
You are welcome!
You made a great point that because of the way the system can be, to see someone being polite is kind of unusual. Kind of sad but I do think that there are more kind people than we realize. We just don’t hear about them as much.
I agree. I don’t mean to pick on your country, but I’ve found this problem to be much more prevalent in the US. On my most recent trip, most of the store clerks I interacted with gave no hint of a smile, no thank you, no eye contact. They seemed to be so incredibly disappointed by something, like they’d all just been told there’s no Santa or something. Several times I experienced the kind of rudeness that would get people reprimanded or fired where I live.
When I ordered a chicken sub at Quizno’s, the guy just shook his head and said “Uh-uh.”
“Sorry?” I said, puzzled.
Then, with an annoyed look, he clucked his tongue like he was calling a horse or something, and gestured to a handwritten sign beside the register. In pencil: “We dont have chicken subs right now.”
It was like he thought the sign should be all the effort he needed to put in, why waste his energy actually telling me they had no chicken. It didn’t ruin my day or anything, it just really puzzled me. I’d like to think it was an anomaly but I had a few experiences like that: zero effort to be pleasant or helpful.
I know it’s not like that everywhere, but it really caught me off guard. Up here, a casual friendliness is the norm, even for young and inexperienced workers, and I never really appreciated it until I came back.
David Cain´s last blog ..88 Important Truths I’ve Learned About Life
Hi David,
No worries for what you wrote! The part about the guy when you ordered made me laugh because I have had similar experiences in some stores.
I think the reason is because there is so much focus and worry on money. Everything here depends on money and people are scared due to the economy. People here are focused on making a living instead of living because that is what we are bombarded with daily. People view each other as a threat because they feel that they are in competition with each other. However, not all of us are a bunch of cranky pants.
That’s it. I’m moving to Canada. (And, what do you mean, “There’s no Santa”?!!)
Lisis´s last blog ..Zen and the Art of Eating Ben & Jerry’s
Thank you so, so very much for this article. Finally someone who can see the misery of our society that I see for years now. The lack of humanity is growing and growing, I have the feeling. Noone is interested in anything or anyone but oneselves. It’s all about money, status and what one owns. People are so ignorant, unfriendly and not helpfull towards others.
You know, the late Micheal Jackson was and is one of my idols. Not so much for his music and the fact that he was King of Pop, though I like his music a lot. No, it’s his heart I loved. He was one of those less people on this planet who saw with his heart. He was able to give more than others and he did. And I think, it doesn’t matter how much you give, it’s the small things that matter. Love and humanity are the most important things for all of us and the reason why we are on this planet.
Love and peace for all of you and RIP M.J. <3
Hi Sabrina,
Welcome to Happy Lotus! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I agree with you. The quantity of what we give is not as important as the quality of what we give. When you think about it, all that matters in the end is love and yet so many people do not see that because the day needs seem to be so dependent on money. This then causes people to lose sight. I think more people would be inclined to being more loving and more kind, if they knew that they had nothing to worry about when it comes to money. However, there are people in this world who think like you and I, so there is hope!
Here’s an idea for those who encounter good customer service, escalate it! You know what I mean. Ask to speak to their supervisor. And then tell their supervisor that the customer service rep did an excellent job!
Vi | Maximizing Utility´s last blog ..On relationships
Hi Vi,
That is a great idea!
Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Hope all is awesome! 
I’ve been ‘away’ for a few days and it was good to come ‘home’. Thank you, Nadia. What a lovely, long, lingering post. So many great issues you’ve touched on and important points you’ve addressed.
Like you, I acknowledge or say thank you to every single person who comments on my blog or on one of my guest posts. It’s not just genuine gratitude and appreciation, it’s old fashioned courtesy.
Courtesy is ingrained in me because of the way I was brought up. I’m making sure my kids are courteous, too, but it saddens me to see how rude some of their friends are and to imagine how the boundaries set by their parents must be very different. It costs nothing to be respectful, to empathise or to say a genuine please or thank you and courtesy has wonderful knock on effects.
Before I go to sleep every night, if I have time for no other prayer, I say “Thank you. I’m sorry. I love you.”
janice´s last blog ..Rapt Attention,Gifts and Rain
Hi Janice,
Welcome home!
Thank you so much for saying that my blog feels as good as home does. That means more than you know.
It is interesting to see the changes in the world and how certain manners have gone away. Even though we do not have children, I am often amazed when we go out into the world, how kids today are so different than when I was a kid and that was not that long ago. However, children do imitate what they see but that does not excuse the parents.
I guess when fear is such a predominant emotion, it can be hard for some to be kind. It is sad how fear has crept into so many aspects of our lives and has made kindness seem so rare.
Your prayer is perfect. It is similar to mine in some ways.
Thank you for writing this. I work in retail and notice that a lot of people seem very rude. Some don’t speak, don’t say “thank you”, or put the money in my hand. They’ll just throw it on the counter and think nothing of it.
At the same time there are plenty of people who are very polite. They’ll ask “How are you?”, and treat me like a human being instead of “the cashier”. I really appreciate them and thank them because those things make work so much easier . Sorry for rambling, just wanted throw in my two cents.
Hi Anonymous,
Welcome to Happy Lotus! You did not ramble at all and thank you for sharing your experience. When I am in line at a store and I see how rude some people are to the cashier, it breaks my heart and I always try be extra nice to make up for the person before me. Your job is a tough one because you are on the “front lines” sort of and you see all kinds of stuff. However, without people like you, I have no idea how we would get things. So thank you!
Thanks Nadia. It’s frustrating to get bad customer service. But it’s a good practice in patience. Sometimes it falls upon us as customers to be the ones to “humanize” the interaction. People are stressed, disconnected, scared of losing their jobs, underpaid, and unhappy. This is no excuse to be rude, but like my yoga teacher says, you have to think of angry people as having a disability. Would you fight with a person who is disabled? No. But they are disabled by their anger and fear, and it is our work to find compassion – remove self from situation as you did or, if you have the patience, talk to them about it. “How’s your day going?” is a great ice breaker that tends to bring a bit of humanity back into the conversation. (I’m not saying I haven’t lost my patience with customer service or rude drivers or whatever, but I just wanted to share this perspective, as it has greatly helped me.)
Thanks again.
Namaste.
Darla – ShareYoga.com´s last blog ..Manifesting: Through Yoga, Surrender with Gratitude to the Present
Hi Darla,
Thank you so much for sharing with us what your yoga teacher said and it totally makes sense. I often tell people that when someone is rude or angry, there is more to it than meets the eye. Granted, sometimes it is very hard to be on the receiving end of the behavior but as you said, it is an opportunity to master patience.
Hope all is awesome and Namaste!
This is a great post on a topic that should be a given in our interactions but, sadly, isn’t. Saying thank you and being polite and kind to others might seem like small acts, but they can have a huge impact on others and on the world. Thanks for writing this post and for sharing your experiences on your site. It’s always appreciated by readers like me!
Positively Present´s last blog ..how to write a life worth living
Hi Dani,
Thank you for all that you wrote. A great example of being polite!
Hope all is awesome!
Hi Nadia,
thank you very much for your kind reply. It makes me happy to read these positive things and gives me hope and helps me to forgive those, who don’t know better.
You know, I try to raise my child to become a strong, kind and helpful person, which she is in my opinion, though it’s hard to be light hearted these days as a teenie showing emotions and understanding towards others while the kids her age are already superficial and money-driven. It has always been hard for her to find friends with her kind of understanding of life.
I wish you all the best and would like to encourage you to keep on spreading your message, in the hopes of every pair of ears on this earth will hear it and every singel pair of eyes will read it and “MAKE A CHANGE”.
Take care
Hi Sabrina,
You are most welcome! I will keep doing what I can to help make the world a better place. As for your daughter, her situation sounds similar to mine. She is blessed to have a mother who understands and although it may be tough now, her perception of the world will be a blessing when she is older. At least, that is what it was like for me.
Have a great rest of the day! Until next time, take care too!
hi Nadia,
Another awesome post!
I would like to say – you write so well and bring so much clarity to complex topics. I really enjoy visiting your blog. Thanks for being so kind to me!! (by blogging your thoughts on a regular basis)
Hi Lotus,
Thank you so much for the kind words and for supporting my blog! I am so fortunate to have so many awesome readers!
Have a beautiful day!
I really like the life is a mirror metaphor.
I flashed back to one of my early substitute teachers that said she’s like a mirror and she’ll reflect back what she gets. Luckily she didn’t because you know how kids are with substitutes
I’m a fan of stepping up to the plate, even if it means striking out. I think it’s a numbers game. The more you get up to bat, the better the odds.
J.D. Meier´s last blog ..The Design of an Effective Tagline
Hi J.D.,
When I was in the 7th or 8th grade, we had a substitute teacher for about a few months. On the first day, one of the guys pretended that he had a different name. They did all kinds of stuff at the beginning so I know exactly what you mean!
I agree with you about stepping up to bat. The more that is done, the more chances you have to hit a homerun! So there is nothing to lose.
Doesn’t it seem like the behavior we crave from others must come from within us? I always make it a point of trying to get clerks (mostly the crabby looking ones) smiling and talking to me. Sometimes the only thing they need is for someone to acknowledge their presence and CARE. With some it has made a difference in how they now greet me. This one in particular at the grocery absolutely lights up when she sees me in her line now. And hey, it does BOTH of good!
When my kids were young they used to get so embarrassed that I talked to everybody in the stores. Now they are grown, and they “get it”. It’s not just gabby old mom craving useless discourse with everyone – rather it’s mom trying to cheer people up and spread a little gratitude and appreciation for what they do. My mom taught me long ago, sprinkle sugar where you go, especially on any sourpuss, because it could be the only sweetness they have all day.
suzen´s last blog ..Public Enemy Premiere in the Northwoods
Hi Suzen,
You are absolutely right. We are mirrors for one another. What we want from others, we have to give it to others too. I always tell people if you want to have a great loving relationship, then be a loving person.
The interesting thing I have noticed is that sometimes even if you are nice to a person, they may not necessarily respond in the same way. However, that never stops me from always trying to be as nice and polite as I can be. I will admit that for the most part, usually most people respond in a positive manner when you are nice to them. It truly all boils down to the individual and how they choose to see life.
I am happy that your example made such a positive impact on your kids. That is wonderful!
Sadly, it does seem as if customer service for many companies is a euphemism for “get rid of ‘em”. Myself, I return whatever I get. If they are rude, they’ll get the minimum politeness and firmness from me. Be nice, and not only will I be friendly and cheerful, polite and thankful, I’ll bend over backwards to make sure I do business with your company again. Certain companies seem to “get it” and provide cheerful and polite customer service. Others do not, and I do my best to do no business with them unless there is no alternative. My hope is that the businesses who get it will prosper and eventually the negative attitude of the other type will bring them down.
Now that I am working in retail again, I do my best to be my usual cheery self at work and spread the smiles. Most customers and fellow workers seem to appreciate it, but some view it with suspicion or outright anger. One man asked me “You look too happy, what is WRONG with you?” Um…I’m happy? Regardless, I’m polite – I hate it when a retail person is rude to me and I would never treat a customer that way. I grew up when the customer was always right – even if they were wrong – and the new attitude exhibited by many companies, and their employees, really puzzles me.
I think your insights are valid. We are taught to fear, and be angry and defensive by the media and sometimes by our employers who are threatening us with lay offs or pay cuts. It is a negative culture. Our only recourse is to be positive in spite of it and surround ourselves with positive people, trade with companies and stores that have a positive attitude and just walk away from negativity whenever we can.
Summer Foovay´s last blog ..Rainbows lalala
Hi Summer,
I know what you mean about how some people respond to you when you are happy. I get that too and I often find it strange. As if it is bad and rare to be happy.
It is a shame that negativity seems to be the way things are but I do think we can change it by how we choose to be in the world. Good for you for being the happy person you are and for spreading that happiness. May the world have more people who spread joy!
Hi Nadia
Life is not a coincidence, it is a reflection.
Thank You for a great post. I stumbled it!
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Giovanna Garcia´s last blog ..Lessons from Eagles
Hi Giovanna,
Life is definitely a reflection. Thank you so much for the Stumble! Hope all is awesome!
Hi Nadia .. thank you for that – I was brought up properly .. but I wasn’t always ‘good’ when dealing with people, whom I thought really should have been looking after me; however now I very rarely am rude to people who really are not helpful, disinterested .. I do say thank you and walk out; but in phone calls I ‘hang on in there’ with a positive attitude when I ring, because it will be a difficult call I know in advance, but I keep cheerful, ask for their help, keep my wits about me .. work thru the problem and quite often end the call with the rep thanking me for being more than civilised! and I tend to get the info I need.
Thank goodness for some of us having manners we can pass on .. with meaning .. that’s an important part too .. taking an interest in what we’re doing and who we’re talking to .. makes a huge difference.
I hadn’t thought about thanking organisations for an interview – I’ll pass that on to anyone I see going to an interview. It could mean the difference between a job or not – if there are two of you in the running …
Thanks – have a good Friday and weekend ..
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters
Hilary´s last blog ..What connects Babylon, Australia’s great dividing range, Eastbourne and Long Island?
Hi Hilary!
Thank you for being so open and sharing your experiences. I agree with you on the importance of passing on manners and I think we also teach by example. So if we are good to others, it may be an eye-opener to another person. In the end, we are just responsible for how we choose to be in the world!
Have a beautiful weekend!
Thank you Nadia! What a wonderful article, a lot of it really hit home for me.
I find having manners makes you stand out from the crowd. People remember you. And nine times out of ten you’ll get treated well in return. In the supermarket I always make a point of saying hello to the cashier and if they have a name badge using their name. It just makes me feel like I’m interacting with people, rather than moving through my world like a robot.
But overall it just makes life so much more pleasant. Getting on the tube to work this morning, for example. It was crowded, as always. Barely room for an ant on each carriage. Most people just barge on, with little regard for the people who are already at the edge of the carriage where the door shuts. What I always do is approach the door and say to the people crammed in there, “hello! Is there room for me?” and every time, every time without fail, they budge up and make room for me. Sometimes they even chat to me once I’m on.
I think in this culture that is growing more and more negative with every trashy reality tv show and every sensationalist gossip magazine, it is more important than ever to be kind, thoughtful and positive.
Thanks for your inspiring words. Happy weekend
green ink´s last blog ..the near-year of no hair cuts
Hi Green Ink,
Welcome to Happy Lotus! I love what you do when you enter the train if it is crowded. I have noticed that in such situations, people tend to talk more to each other because they have to be so close to each other.
Kindess can do wonders, I really believe that and thank you so much for sharing what you do to spread kindness. Have a beautiful weekend!
Comments on this entry are closed.