Whenever I am at my day job, I often refer to my co-workers as cranky pants. It sounds funny but truly that is the only way I can describe them. They are all good people but cranky.
Being at my job can be quite comical. It would make for a great television show. Even though I am in the process of switching paths due to a major project, I still have to do my day job at this point and usually I am so immersed in my writing that I am pretty much at odds with the cranky pants that surround me.
As you can imagine, a vegan, peace loving, spiritual writer/blogger who also is a lawyer is an odd combination…it is even odder at work. I stick out like a billboard. Sometimes I feel like laughing out loud because it is just so funny to be around perpetual negative talk when my brain just sees things differently. What makes things even funnier is that they all think I am the weird one.
Often it is really hard for me to engage in conversations because I just don’t see the world as this horrible place. Initially, I was annoyed at having to be surrounded by people that are the complete opposite of me.
When I wake up in the morning, I am happy but the moment I step out of the elevator it is as if I walk onto another planet. I brace myself to face the aliens as I proceed to my desk. The energy is dense and tense. Every single person there is good but seems very unhappy.
Each day the conversations are all negative. Gossip is a constant as is making fun of people. Complaints are so frequent, I have yet to hear someone be happy about something. And if you are like me who never complains and is happy, you are made to feel like you are a weirdo.
The whole experience can be draining if I let it get to me or if I dwell upon it. I have learned to keep to myself and just do my thing. Emailing friends is a blessing. My husband and friends have heard enough of my observations about people at work that I have learned to just see the positive in it and let the rest go. It took time to be able to do that.
People Do Things For Reasons
Years ago I learned that people do things for reasons and the intention behind their behavior is based on what they consider to be rational. No one acts with the intention to be irrational. The human mind is so flexible that it can justify anything. I know many times I have justified eating or buying something. The same applies to how we behave.
Terrorists and criminals do their actions because from their perspective they are doing something that they think is just. Although I do not believe in violence in any form, I can understand how the mind can justify being violent.
Fear, insecurity and pain are enough motivation to justify being mean, arrogant, over self-confident, rude, angry, and so on. Yes, there are people who will do bad things simply because they have nothing else to do but that too is a justification. That is what we human beings do, we justify our behavior based on what we know and more importantly, on how we feel.
We all have been in situations where we could have behaved better but due to how we felt at that moment or for reasons that appeared logical, we did what we did. Many times in my past I have said things out of stress which looking back on looks very strange but at the time, it made total sense.
I have held this belief that people do things for reasons for a long time but I never applied it to people at work. For some reason, it never occurred to me to ponder why the people I work with seem so miserable. Having been in the position of having very little money, I guess I assumed that my co-workers should not be so miserable since they all make a very good living. When you have been in the position of having no money, you automatically think that when you do have money, there is no reason to complain about anything.
However, last week I had a realization as to why they are so cranky. The details of how all the pieces fell into place are not that clear but one day while at work, it occurred to me that the reason they are so cranky is because they have nothing to live for or a dream that sustains them. Their lives lack meaning or they think it lacks meaning.
Now you may wonder how do I know this and my answer is that the evidence is in all the conversations that I hear in the course of a day. Yes, we all have moments when we want to complain. I am not overjoyed about having to be at my job at least once a week but there is a difference between an occasional complaint and complaining as a way of life.
Running On Empty
When all your discussions are based on what clothes to wear or how drunk you got or where to eat or what movie to see and there is nothing else that brings you joy, that is an empty life. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going out to eat or seeing a movie and so on but if a person defines their life according to those things, then that is an empty life.
A life of meaning is something we all have, the problem is that we think a meaningful life has to be something huge or spectacular. Many feel that people like Bill Gates or Oprah or Nelson Mandela are examples of a meaningful life. All those people have done extraordinary things with their lives but guess what?…they are no different from you or me. They simply took what they had and made the best out of it. Their lives are as meaningful as yours.
Having a meaningful life is when you engage in living to the best of your ability. When you shine as bright as you can with what you have, then you too are a star. Fancy degrees or big homes mean nothing. Those things do not give meaning. Meaning is in the details and those details can be found in how you choose to be in the world.
If you go out into the world full of misery, then you are wasting your gifts. Many people have a tough time finding their passion, that is okay and there is nothing wrong with not knowing what you are passionate about in life because you always have a chance to figure it out eventually. But what you can be passionate about is how you choose to be in the world.
Each second of the day you have the choice as to how to experience life. Each second is a chance to start anew. People talk about second chances but the reality is that you have 86,400 (seconds in a day) chances each day to start fresh. Why waste time lamenting how tough your life is or how you wish you had more money? That lamenting will not bring you more money nor will it make your life easier. Trust me, I have tried, it does nothing except make you more miserable.
You have the power to choose how to experience the world. You want a meaningful life? Then look at how your life touches so many other lives in the course of a day. Any food that you eat has come to you through a variety of channels. The person who drove the truck to the supermarket has the wonderful gift of bringing you food. Isn’t that meaningful?
The mother who takes care of her kids and puts food on the table has brought love and joy to her family by those actions. Isn’t her life meaningful? The person who is taking care of a parent while trying to find a career is doing an amazing act of love and isn’t that meaningful?
A meaningful life is not found in actions that bring money and fame. A meaningful life is how you choose to play the game. We all have our issues that we need to deal with, no one is immune from that reality. The difference is in how we choose to deal with those issues and how we choose to be in the world. Each one of us is important and has gifts to share. Why not start sharing them with the world right now?
For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment. – Viktor Frankl
{ 31 comments }
I knew the moment I saw the title of this post that it was going to be a good one. (smile)
A few thoughts came to mind, and one was, can you wear earplugs at work? I used to do that when I worked in an office, so I could block out the white noise of gossiping, complaining, etc. that went on around me. I could always hear when someone spoke directly to me, but it helped eliminate the excess chatter in the background.
Another thought I had when I read your take on them thinking you’re the weird one was, “How grand!” I think I’d rather be weird if it means I can be “me.” Celebrate your weirdness!!
I love seeing bits of myself in cranky people. I’m in meetings once a month with like-minded people (supposedly!) who are setting up a huge metaphysical event this fall. Imagine how funny it sounded to me when THOSE people were complaining and being negative! I thought, “They should know better!” And yet in them, I realized I was seeing reflections of various parts of me. Even in my recognition that they were being negative, I, too, was being negative. I’m still coming to terms with how to deal with it, and be peaceful and unconditionally loving toward them. But it makes for some interesting experiential lessons.
Good luck surviving your Cranky Pants; and thank God they have you there to a be a bright light and to subconsciously infuse them with love.
.-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..What You Already Are (Quote from Adyashanti) =-.
Hi Megan,
The interesting thing is that once I saw that there were reasons why the cranky pants were so cranky, as I mentioned in the post, it did not bother me as much. Whenever I feel like tuning them out, I put on my iPod and problem solved.
You raise an excellent point about when we are bothered by something we see in another it is a reflection of something inside of us. That is so true and I did not address this in the post because I wanted to focus on how we all have a meaningful life. I know why the cranky pants bother me and that is because they remind me of the family members with whom I am not in contact with due to their reaction to my life choices.
Good for you for seeing how your reaction to the people in those meetings is a reflection of something within you. And as for celebrating my “weirdness”, I do so everyday and with pleasure!
Great post! Like Megan, I loved the title of this one and knew it was going to be great. I often have to deal with some pretty cranky pants people too (and sometimes I’m one of them!) and it’s not always easy, but I got a lot of out of reading this post. Thank you for writing it and sharing your wisdom!
.-= Positively Present´s last blog ..a rain-soaked realization: are you living in YOUR moment? =-.
Hi Dani,
So why do you think the cranky pants that you deal with are so cranky? As I mentioned in the post, people do things for a reason and once we recognze that reason, we can understand the other person better.
Hi Nadia,
I have to completely agree with Megan on this idea of “weird”. That you’re weird, that’s completely awesome! With normal in our world more defined by the people you work with (it’s not just there), weird looks so, so much better. And feels better.
A meaningful life – it’s there for all of us. Are we seizing that opportunity? Or are we too busy complaining, doing what we’ve always done, backstabbing, gossiping, arguing, paying lip service, etc, etc – that we miss this opportunity to be uniquely who we were meant to be.
Nadia, I’m so blessed to be here and be touched deeply by your words and the beauty that shines from you…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..Laugh Out Loud! =-.
Hi Lance,
Thank you so much for always being so generous with your support and praise.
I believe many people think that a meaningful life has to look a certain way in order for it to have some purpose. What people don’t realize (and I used to do this too) is that their lives already hold meaning…they just have to see the big picture or think outside of the box.
And I am cool with being weird….I wouldn’t want to be anyone else!
> No one acts with the intention to be irrational. The human mind is so flexible that it can justify anything.
I like that. It plays well with the idea that we’re the most important meaning makers in our lives.
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..When Your Intuition Fails You =-.
Hi JD,
We are more powerful than we realize and we truly are the creators of our reality. We just need to see ourselves in that way.
Hi Nadia .. having been through years of work, learning that critcism, negativity, gossip are actually not what it’s all about .. I honestly don’t think the world teaches us there are other ways .. it is only when we fall into a different life as I did .. and saw a business opportunity which opened my eyes to other ways oflife and then prompted me to rethink various things .. continual looking. It took a long time, as often one’s family and friends are not with you during this process.
I admire your decision to get a new project and move out of a toxic situation, that doesn’t help your health. I’d rather be on my own with my own values, than surrounded by negativity .. not always easy though. We’re here though and so many of us draw support from our positive, forward looking blogging friends.
All the best and just continue doing what you definitely do best – be there for yourself and follow your instincts .. good luck and have a happy success with the new project as soon as possible ..
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Tea containers? =-.
Hi Hilary,
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You are right, the world does not show us other ways. Actually, it does show us but they are subtle and not as loud or obvious as the other methods.
As for my project, it is a dream come true and I love every second of it. I hope to be able to make an announcement sooner than later.
Here is to blogging friends and hope all is well!
I can’t imagine going back to a corporate environment. Most people are miserable in that environment. Byron Katie says (paraphrasing) everyone does absolutely the best they can given this moment and conditions. That wisdom can help.
A meaningful life is of course wonderful but my experience is people have difficulty finding true inspiration. Conditioning gets in the way. I look at it very simply. The purpose of life is the joy of experience. The joy of being–from here inspiration rises.
.-= Kaushik´s last blog ..Call off the Struggle =-.
Hi Kaushik,
A meaningful life is truly a matter of perception. Everyone’s life is meaningful…they just have to see it. Yes, that may be easier said than done but anything worthwhile in life requires effort of some degree.
I think people can outgrow their conditioning…they just have to want it and be willing to do the work required. My past was a very rough one so if I could do it, anyone can do it.
There is a Buddhist saying that goes “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. When a person is ready to work on whatever needs to be worked on, the right resources will appear. I have seen it in my life and in the life of others. The problem is that people want profound realizations without any effort. It does not work that way.
So the joy of experience (which was a great description) occurs when someone can recognize that joy and we all can do that. Therefore, since we can recognize joy, we can recognize meaning and that is a start of a process of undoing the conditioning.
Nadia,
You are Our breath of fresh air…really! To think of you as a sore thumb sticking out at your work…seems absurd to me…but i can understand the mentality youre surrounded with.
As you mentioned its true..people often do things because they think its justified and also because its the way they have either been brought up to think….money and big cars means success…is the mantra of the youth today. Any other way seems absurd to them.
The most powerful line that truly spoke to me was…
“…they are no different from you or me. They simply took what they had and made the best out of it.”
If only we could all truly open our eyes and hearts…and work with the gifts God has bestowed upon us….there would certainly be no more complaining
Thank you as always for this wonderful post.
Lots of Love
.-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..A Happy Home Recipe =-.
Hi Zeenat,
Thank you so much for all your compassion and I think many people regardless of age think success means money and big cars. It is wonderful that there are more and more people waking up to the reality that material possessions do not define happiness or success. Bessie Stanley has a beautiful quote as to what is true success. Here is the quote:
“To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.”
May you have a beautiful day and btw, I loved how you stressed the importance of using the gifts that God has bestowed us. That is so true.
Hello Nadia!
I love it that you refer to your co-workers as cranky-pants. Anytime we can put a positive or funny spin on something that isn’t positive or funny, I think we’re doing ourselves a big favor! I see You as the normal one and the others as the “weird” ones; I would be sitting at your desk thinking the same things as you. Like you, I’m seeing the world as a happy place, filled with meaning and opportunity. I am glad that your writing career is taking off…soon you will hopefully be surrounding yourself by only happy-pants.
As for your observations about how the mind rationalizes and justifies everything—that is so true! There have been a couple of divorces in our circle recently and my husband and I get so frustrated and upset at the behavior of said parties…we always end up at how you can’t rationalize irrational behavior. What makes sense to them can’t make sense to us because we’re not in their mindset. Which is all very upsetting because it really highlights just how much truth is perception.
I really think many people are starting to understand the true meaning of life. The way you describe it is wonderful. Service to others, being and doing your best…it doesn’t get more meaningful than that! Have a wonderful weekend!
.-= Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Off the Shelf: Julie & Julia by Julie Powell =-.
Hi Jodi,
Truth is truly a matter of perception. That is one of the many things I learned while in law school….twenty people could have all observed the same thing and each story will be different on some level. Prior to law school, I believed in the concept of absolute truth and now I don’t. I do think that there are certain no-no’s in life but really each situation is a matter of circumstance. If someone steals bread to feed their family, are they bad? I don’t think so.
I agree with you and that more and more people are starting to understand the true meaning of life. I think with all that is happening in the world, people are waking up to a new reality. It may not be massive but it is a start and that makes me happy….well…I am already happy so it makes me happier!
Hi Nadia,
Thankfully I don’t work in the corporate world anymore – just all by myself in our home office. As you might guess, I don’t miss the negativity.
I like how you said we have the choice of how we want to experience our lives. No matter what we face in our daily lives, we can look at it as a setback, or an opportunity in disguise. I prefer to see it as the latter.
I agree with what Jodi said. Many people do seem to be making a shift toward finding what’s really meaningful in life. I think once we make the shift away from material things and focus on helping others, we find a greater purpose for our lives.
.-= Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..Bloggers – Defining What We Are =-.
Hi Barbara,
I agree with you, each event that occurs is an opportunity in disguise. So much of life depends on perception. We can choose how we want to experience life. It is truly that simple.
And yes, more and more people are starting to realize what is meaningful. That is one of the hidden blessings of all that has been happening in the world.
Nadia – I LOVE the title to this post!! Thanks so much for sharing it. I am amazed and impressed that you can face this day after day – like the girl in the picture -hands braced, with a smile on her face. I love the power that you hold, as you look behind the action to the person behind, the possible reasons for their choices. It also strikes me as a great love for humanity.
Thanks for sharing. (:
tam
Hi Tammi,
You are so kind…thank you for all that you wrote. Some days are easier than others but I do my best.
People do things for reasons…I find trying to figure out the reasons is the best way to go because it generates a feeling of compassion and diminishes the desire to judge.
Nadia…I laughed when I saw your post…cause I had written on a similar topic just this morning!
I love the way you define meaningful and focus on our choice in how we approach our lives and our days. I also love how you move to a place of compassion and then understanding for the world of the cranky-pants–that is so not easy sometimes!
Your post clarified even more for me why I focus on laughter and play with my clients…It is because finding our meaningful experience is not a “heady” or left brained evolution. It is an awareness from deep within us, a knowing from our hearts of what is truly “right” or aligned for each of us.
Thank you for reminding us to seek the truth we have within us. You are wonderful!
.-= Katie West/The Levity Coach´s last blog ..Dear Church Lady =-.
Hi Katie,
Thank you so much…you are wonderful too! We are all mirrors for one another…so what you see in me, is in you too!
It is interesting because the more I see of the world and people, the more I am convinced that each one of us is an amazing ball, if you will, of energy and potential. The problem is that we think there are things called limits and we get in our own way. We each have the potential to do amazing things and lead meaningful lives, we just think it has to look a certain way and it does not. Each person is meaningful and amazing and each person has a purpose. They just have to look within. All the answers are within.
And yay for laughter! I love to laugh and good for you for promoting the importance of laughing! You go, girl!
Nadia, I think you need to give your blog business card to every single person in your building. How about everyone in your town?! They NEED you. The world needs your infections enthusiasm for life.
You are a true wonder. Again, you are a gift.
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..Yes, Kids Do Say The Darndest Things =-.
Hi Jannie,
That is funny as to what happened with the word “infectious”. I could make a joke about that but I don’t know if it will come across well online. All I will say is that it made me laugh and I love to laugh.
As for the cranky pants, I am spreading my joy and they still think I am weird. I am cool with it. I have come to realize that I will just have more fun with it because their reactions are priceless.
Thank you for being you and for all the support! I am happy you are back!
infectious, that is.
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..Yes, Kids Do Say The Darndest Things =-.
hi Nadia,
)
Keep smiling, Nadia! You are a beauty! I love your positive spirit! ~hugs,
i enjoyed this blog, as I knew I would from the title ~as others here shared as well!
(i miss reading your blogs,.. much to catch up on since i’m back home and settled in!
I love the term cranky-pants! I can’t stand negativity especially when it’s a lifestyle that so many choose as a normal routine. We attract what we see in life! I realized that the other day as I was taking a nature walk with my hubby. I said to him: “You know, there are so many miracles EVERY-WHERE! I can’t believe that so many people do not recognize them for what they are.” He agreed, it is quite sad!
~I realized lately that ‘dramatic’ people will always be dramatic and attract more drama in their circle because it becomes a habitual cycle for them. It’s also a cover so they don’t have to talk about themselves in a conversation. They must want to change first and then learn to act differently. We can’t do a thing about it, except protect ourselves when it gets toxic, and refuse to participate in some conversations.
[There is this one person that comes to mind for me, when you say 'cranky-pants' .. and the other day i told myself: 'you know instead of always taking it personal or getting annoyed, i'm just going to laugh it off and tell myself she's just moody!' With this simple 'no-big-deal' shrug-off solution, it is easier to let it go and not feel bad either way. It just is the way it is. Then, if she's not moody one day, great stuff! I'll be surprised and blessed by her company! Meanwhile, at least we both won't be attracting the expected response, as I've already let it go. Boy, this can be hard to do sometimes!]
I loved the photo that you included also with the girl and the elevator! It totally is you and made me smile, cause I could feel the sunshine readiness she felt for the day! and (especially as a visonary-dreamer) I can relate how so many like to rain on our parades!
it’s good to be back! xx
Jen
.-= Jen´s last blog ..The ‘ L I T T L E ‘ Things~ Extraordinary Love =-.
Hi Jen,
Hope you had a nice vacation and thank you for all the kind things you wrote. The best way, I think, to deal with cranky pants is to see why they bother us so much and then just let it go. Things only become more annoying if we keep dwelling on them and so it is wise to just laugh at it, like you suggested.
I will definitely keep on smiling…that’s the only way to be!
Heya Nadia!
Wow. I surely never thought that perhaps cranky people think that live has no meaning — or think that it really doesn’t have any meaning.
Although it’s sometimes fun to hear what others gotta say (gossip!), I’m pretty sure that we would rather keep ourselves distant from such “conversations”. Yeah, especially if the gossiping is all about bad mouthing others!
.-= Daniel Richard´s last blog ..NEVER Doubt Yourself! =-.
Hi Daniel,
I agree, it is wise to stay away from conversations that deal with bad mouthing people. Such conversations are never fun and kind of sad on some level.
In my experience, when people feel that life has no meaning, they are inclined to be more negative than positive. It is hard for some to feel happy if they think this journey is all for nothing.
Hope all is awesome with you.
Hi, Nadia. New reader, here. I’ve read a few posts, and have fallen in love with your mind.
Ah, being unique. Being a Pollyanna. Being different, weird, strange, oddball… No matter what label others apply to us, it’s all just so many sticks and stones. When we see it’s just that we’re at different places in spiritual growth, all the harsh labels suddenly lose all their fizz. Adding humor such as your “cranky pants” helps make being unique more fun. Who wants to “join the club,” anyway, hm?
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Honor Redux, with a Twist =-.
Hi Julie,
Great to meet you and thank you so much for all that you wrote. It brought a smile.
You are so right, we each are at different levels in our spiritual growth and the more I see of the more world, the more I am convinced of it. For most of my life, I have always been the unique one. It bothered me in my teens and my twenties. However, turning thirty, took life to a whole new level and I began to see how awesome it is to be different. Now I bask in the glory of it and it has made life so much more fun. So I am with you on not wanting to “join the club”.
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