One of the many things that I really try to practice in my life is to be open and honest about who I am and where I am on my journey. There is no need to pretend perfection, since no one is perfect. If you were perfect, you would not be here.
In Eastern thought it is said that a person keeps reincarnating until they reach liberation. Unless you took a vow like Buddha and decided to keep reincarnating until everyone reaches liberation, chances are you are here because you messed up along the way.
This not something to feel bad about nor does this give you a reason to blame yourself. It is just a reality and you might as well just deal with it and do your best.
With all of this in mind, I recently realized for the first time in my life how much of a free spirit I am and to be blunt, it has been mind blowing. Please know that I say this not with any sense of ego. For most of my life, I have been the odd one. The one that always stood out and I never quite understood why.
Yes, there were little indications along the way. Such as when I was growing up, everyone would instinctively go right while I would instinctively go left. As with anyone who upsets the norm, people do their best to make you “normal”. I never quite understood why my perception was always the wrong perception.
Granted, my childhood had its pain and as a result of that pain, it forced me to depend on myself a lot. I never really had any peer pressure when I was a kid because none of my peers cared about me due to my birth defect.
When the birth defect was corrected, I looked like everyone else but I still was the weird one. Initially, I hated it. I hated that my name was not normal. I hated the fact that my skin was a bit darker than others. I hated that everything about me was just different.
Yet despite all that self-hatred, I was always determined to do my own thing. When I had my “near death” experience at fifteen, it just gave me more courage to do what I wanted with my life. The concept of having to do what everyone else did, never really registered on my radar. This always got me into trouble with other people.
Many people thought that I was intentionally trying to rebel. The reality was that I was not intending to do anything rebellious, I was just living my own truth based on what I knew. The idea that there was a right way to do things just never made sense to me. Rules do not register in my mind, for some reason.
Now society glamorizes the rebel but the reality is that when people are confronted with someone who does things differently, they do not like you at all. They may secretly admire you but they will do everything in their power to make you become like them.
They will use fear, insults, social isolation and many more tricks in an effort to make you think you are wrong. For example, one of my relatives told me that my life was not worth more than a speck of dirt and that no one in the family respected me. I was really hurt by that but then I realized that he was just jealous because I was actually a happy person. Nothing bothers people more than when you are happy especially if you are not doing what is expected of you.
This leads me to how I want to thank all of those readers who left a comment on the post entitled The Power of Redemption. You all made me realize yet again that my painful past was truly a blessing in disguise.
As you may recall, that post was about a man whom I had met at a party who had told the story about how if he had kneeled in the mud, he would have made a miracle happen. However, he didn’t since his suit meant more to him. I was nineteen when I heard that story and from my nineteen year old perspective, I thought the guy was an idiot.
When he was done telling the story, I walked off in disgust because first of all, he told the story with pride and second of all, no one seemed to disagree with the guy. Since this was a family party, I had to keep my mouth shut because I was already on thin ice for being the rebel. But I never forgot what happened. It took me some time to actually feel compassion for the guy who refused to kneel in the mud. Eventually, when I was in my twenties, I realized that that man was a pained person for only a pained person would be blind to the suffering of those around them.
To my surprise, when sharing that story last week, many people thought it was about money. With all my heart, the concept of money never crossed my mind when writing that story. To me, what mattered more was that he refused to help another human being and how years later when he realized what he had done, he changed his ways and redeemed himself. Thanks to all those who left comments, you all created an opportunity for me to have an a-ha moment about my life.
The irony about having a crappy childhood is that it makes you, at least it made me, very cognizant of human suffering. It is easy to not be aware of the pain of others when you are not in pain yourself or when you are so consumed with your own pain you cannot see beyond yourself. I often think if I had a “normal” childhood, I would probably be a very different person.
There were times in my childhood where people knew the abuse I was suffering and did nothing to help me. People would rationalize what was happening to me and blame me for it. The reality is that words and actions do hurt and have ramifications. Verbal and emotional abuse are real and are as damaging as physical abuse. Physical wounds eventually heal but words and emotions create dents in the soul which can last for a long time.
To justify one’s silence about not doing something to help another human being is not rational nor is it normal. It is an indication of how self-absorbed we have become as a society and it is heartbreaking. Forgive me for my tone but when I read news stories of how a young woman is being sexually violated while people watch and do nothing is pathetic.
The experts rush off and start naming such behaviors (bystander effect) as if naming the problem will do something. It won’t. To be silent in the midst of watching a crime is to be a part of that crime. There are no rational explanations for standing by and doing nothing. What are we, human beings or animals?
Call me over sensitive, call me an idealist, call me a romantic…I truly do not care. How bad do things have to get before we finally wake up and realize that we are all in this boat together? Does the world truly have to end for us to finally realize that maybe we need another way to exist?
Every action that you and I do creates a ripple effect that in turn affects everyone. Just because you may appear to be separate from another human being does not mean that you are. The best example of this ripple effect is the economic situation that the world is facing. Due to the actions of a select few, the whole world is paying for it.
For years I used to sit back and intellectualize the problems of the world. I would discuss all the issues without really doing anything. Finally, after hitting rock bottom in my own life, the focus was no more about me but on others. Pain and suffering has been a part of everyone’s life.
The question is not whether or not pain and suffering exist but rather what are you doing to help ease the pain or suffering of the world? You do not need to help millions, you can just help someone in your own sphere of influence. The quantity of the help is not as important as is the quality of the gesture.
The Holiday season is almost about to start. Peace on earth is not a pipedream. It can happen and it starts with you and me. I realize that the tone of this post may put some of you off but if you take away anything from this post, just take with you that you have the power to change and heal the world. You also have the power to contribute to the misery that is out there. The choice is yours and yours alone. Just please choose wisely.
{ 66 comments }
Insightful post. Got me thinking. Especially about being authentic and being better, which is a lot on my mind often.
Eduard
.-= Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Personal development readers vs. personal development doers =-.
Hi Eduard,
We are all works in progress. Good for you for wanting to be more authentic and better! I am sure you will achieve that since awareness is such a key step.
Nadia,
First off, please know that my heart goes out to you, and to your childhood. You are so right, that silence is like participation. It all reminds me of a time where I “did nothing”. I think I was in high school, and off at some amusement park. And I witnessed a father being very verbally abusing to his son. And I did nothing. (I felt young and intimidated perhaps). And no one else did either, everyone just ignored it like nothing was happening. That image has stayed with me – why didn’t I do anything? – and why didn’t anyone else do anything? Your story today reminds me of that, and it all reminds me that we can all make a difference – by showing compassion toward others, especially when others are in challenging moments.
Nadia, thanks so much for sharing your story. You continue to remind me on very deep levels just how truly important compassion is…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day =-.
Hi Lance,
You are so kind. Just know that my childhood was a blessing in disguise so I am cool with it and like I said in the post before this one, we are not our stories. So no worries!
Thank you for being so open with the example you shared. You are not alone in how you reacted. None of us are perfect. We all have incidents that we look back on and say we could have handled it better. The key is to learn from the situation and move forward. Based on what I know about you, I know that you are very kind so don’t be so hard on yourself. We all can be more compassionate. The key is to be aware of the importance of compassion and you have already achieved that.
My brother and I were having a discussion yesterday about ethics. He gave a talk at the college he went to, and walked away believing that ethics cannot be taught. At least in his opinion, not to college students. He felt it was something that’s either innate, or ingrained by parents.
Fear is what I think holds all of us back, whether it’s from helping ourselves out of an emotional dip or helping others who are visibly suffering. Fear can be quite gripping – as I think all of us know or have experienced at some point. It can be paralyzing. That’s not to say we shouldn’t work to overcome it; I believe we should, but the answer might not be to condemn it. It might be to love it with all our hearts. To love each other with all of our hearts, whether we’re the heroes who are rescuing others from abuse or the ones standing on the sidelines watching abuse happen. Love is the only energy that can transform our minds, bodies and souls.
I think we need to teach love, above all else, in this world – in schools, homes, businesses, churches, community centers… And think we need to stop judging each other so harshly, whether we feel we’re justified or not.
I would have liked to spend a day with Mother Theresa to see how she moved about her world, and what types of things she talked about on a daily basis, if any. Did she talk about love, or just do it?
You’ve written an inspirational post, which I’m sure will get many people’s minds churning. I hope it gets their hearts to open even wider, as well. You’ve stirred mine, for sure.
You’re a beautiful soul, Nadia! Happy Sunday!
.-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..$1 Therapy (Awesome Free e-Book) =-.
Hi Megan,
You are a beautiful soul too. And I am happy that this post stirred your heart. One of my intentions in writing this post was to move people so I am grateful that this post has done that.
As for what your brother said about ethics, I can see why he said what he said. I think some people innately are more aware of them than others. However, your point about fear is very true too. I think fear does prevent a lot of people from doing things and we all struggle with it to some level. I mean….we all have our fears and no one is immune to fear. The irony is that we forget that we all struggle with the same thing. We all want the same things and yet we view each other as potential enemies which makes no sense. Judgement is a form of fear as is standing by and doing nothing. Fear paralyzes and love acts. The question is that we do not need to be paralyzed any more. I mean…the world is pretty messed up due to all the fear that we all have put out into the world.
In the infamous words of the Beatles…”all we need is love”! So let us go out into the world and spread the language of love.
Wow, Nadia. This is such a powerful post. I really feel for you and am amazed that you had the strength to write all of this. Thank you so much for sharing it.
.-= positively present´s last blog ..words to live by: keep yourself positive =-.
Hi Dani,
Of all the comments you have ever left on my blog, this one has touched me the most. Thank you so much for all that you wrote. I hope that all is awesome.
Hi Nadia
You are an incredible soul, and the more and more I get to know you the more I love your approach about life, living and being ourselves.
Your story is so real, and it really gets one thinking to act, not just sit by and read passively – at least that is how I feel.
When you said:
“Nothing bothers people more than when you are happy especially if you are not doing what is expected of you.”
I thought, yeah, how true is that. Being the “different” one myself in some ways and not wanting to conform to the “nromal” in the last few years definitely invited some friction in from others. But it feels better to be myself and put up with some of that, than not be true to myself and live life the way others expect.
Thank you for sharing such a deep and intimate part about yourself.
.-= Evita´s last blog ..The Web of Ideas and the Future of the World =-.
Hi Evita,
You are so kind. We are all incredible souls in our own way. So what you said about me is a reflection of yourself.
And good for you for being true to yourself. That is awesome. Your courage is commendable and may more and more people discover their own truth and live it.
One more thing, you are correct. One concept that I also wanted to convey in this post in the importance of not being passive. Being passive never achieves anything. Action requires an act.
Hope all is well!
Nadia,
I am really touched by your most intelligent and sensitive post.Your understanding and feeling of the issues raised is very close to mine.From what I read we both went through
rather difficult periods in our lives. I apart from my interests ,strangely similar as your own,
also get significant relief by sty ding Eastern thinking. Everything you write is so true, honest and human. We do have to change and heal this world. Something I finally grew up for .There is so much chaos, pain, hurt feelings and absurdities. The tragedy is that few are truly conscious of this disturbing fact.
Unfortunately most people, whether we like it or not are like a herds of sheep that are happy with their shepherds. They feel comfortable in their ignorance. This makes the position of the relatively few enlightened very delicate and difficult. But that is the way it is. We have to learn to face these tough realities and learn to cope with them.
I still can’t overcome the loss of my Mentor, Prof.Russell Ackoff who passed away no October,29,2009. This is what I wrote in his memory:
Remembering Russell Askoff.
Dear Helen, Johnie, and friends, I knew this would eventually happen, yet it hurts awfully to understand that Russell Ackoff,
- A Remarkable Man, Teacher, Mentor and a Great friend of the World’s Systems Thinkers is no more among us. I am so saddened by the loss, that tears are dropping from my eys! We lost “OUR” Russ and his presence, unique thoughts and fantastic deep understanding and reflections is absolutely irreplaceable. I have always been struck by our teacher’s no- nonsense language…he enlightened us to face the basic business issues that we so often are inclined to bury under some modish fads… Yet being ages ahead of his time, he was able to make us think in a miraculous way straight into the future, about solutions before these issues were to become tomorrow’s basic business crises. Russ basically invented modern systems and design thinking. And both his personal work and theories are already surviving his death, for ages to come. His enormous heritage is yet to be assembled and studied thoroughly. He could have easily written conventionalist methodologies, handbooks and encyclopedias but he never allowed himself the liberty to restrict over people’s ideas in fields that he considered open to further developments. His honesty, tolerance, loyalty to his friends and human generosity were practically limitless. He was a living “SAGE”, something rarely known now days. For this very reason I would like to devote chapter -81, to Russ, from Lao Tzu’s self portrait in The book of the Way and its Power:
“True words aren’t eloquent;
Eloquent words aren’t true.
Wise men don’t prove their point;
Men who need to prove their point aren’t wise.
The Master has no possessions.(These no- possessions may include a house, a car, a computer, a roomful of books, and an electric toothbrush).
The more he does for others,
The happier he is. (Because he is doing it for himself).
The more he gives to others,
The wealthier he is.(The less he holds on to, the more he can give himself to others.When he can give himself completely, his wealth is infinite).
The Way of Heaven nourishes by not forcing.
By not dominating, The Master leads.”
Posted by: Michael Yanakiev at Nov 1, 2009 10:45:25 AM
Hi Michael,
So many things come to mind upon reading your comment. What you wrote about your mentor was so beautiful and touching. To call someone a living sage is such a wonderful honor and says a lot about him. I am sure that wherever he is, he is touched by your words. I know that I was.
Your words about most people being like sheep is quite valid. I think many people are scared to lead for they are afraid of what it will be like. It is hard to go against the norm and to stand out. Not many people have the ability to withstand the loneliness than comes with walking a different path.
To be someone like Gandhi or Nelson Mandela or Mother Teresa may look wonderful but it takes a lot to get to that point where you are able to really be a shephard. Plus, I think many people who do become leaders, do so because life forces them to be like that. Meaning they find themselves in a situation which requires them to make a choice and they choose to do what is right. May we all learn from their example.
Please know how thankful I am to you for sharing all that you did and for the kind words about my writing. It is obvious that you write from the heart and that is something that I value and honor.
Wow i made it to the end..
Long post but worth reading
I like your spirit Nadia and being true to yourself.
Hi Jon,
Yay for making it to the end!
Thank you for all the kind words. It means so much. Hope all is awesome.
Hi Nadia.
Wow, this came powerfully from the heart and shows us how disconnected we are and how hurtful that is.
Until we see how much this disconnection cost all of us, like carrying forever the guilt that we saw a crime and didn’t do anything to name one hurt, we will not dare to change it.
We need to become aware of how far off the game we are, however then the next step is how to do connecting behavior, which is actually simple.
Be love in action with whomever is in front of you at any given time.
We do not have to strive to become Gandhi or Mother Theresa, they did not set out to be one either.
We are just as great as we connect with our neighbors, colleagues or people here.
Thanks Nadia for this deep sharing and stirring us up.
All is well and I trust with you too, hugs and inner peace to all of us, Wilma.
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Questions, the doors to our hearts. =-.
Hi Wilma,
You are welcome and thank you for sharing your thoughts. To be love in action is the way to live for love is truly the most powerful force there is in this world. You also made a great point about how Gandhi and Mother Teresa did not set out to be what they became, they just were true to themselves which is something we all can learn.
All is well over here. And amen to hugs and inner peace for us all.
Nadia,
Thanks for your kind and encouraging words. It is also a honor for me to be subscribed to your most interesting and revealing blog. Finally I discovered a place where my soul can find shelter and understanding.
Hi Michael,
You are most welcome. I am so touched that you feel that my blog can be a place for your soul to find shelter and understanding. As a writer and human being, you have no idea how that makes me feel for in my life, I have longed to find such a place. I promised myself that when I started this blog I would be true to myself and what I believe.
Initially, I had no desire to share my spiritual thoughts for I thought everyone knew what I knew. I eventually saw that what I knew was not that common. This blog has been a work of progress as I have been. Your readership (along with everyone else) is much appreciated. I look forward to future comments should you feel compelled to leave any.
This person: “one of my relatives told me that my life was not worth more than a speck of dirt and that no one in the family respected me,” must be an extremely unhappy person and in a lot of pain to say this to another human being. One thing to remember is that comments like these say more about the speaker than who they are speaking to.
I think that the best weapon against passivity in the face of evil is awareness and compassion. Ever since I learned about the “diffusion of responsibility” phenomena, I always take positive action when I can. It starts with awareness and then becomes an individual choice.
.-= lena´s last blog ..Using "The Peaceful Scene" =-.
Hi Lena,
You are absolutely right….the comment that I shared is truly a reflection of the person who said it and not me. I remember standing there and listening to it with a sense of shock. It was surreal because who says that to another person? I mean…a kind and happy person would never want to make someone feel pain.
And good for you for taking positive action when you can. You are right that awareness is key in making compassionate choices. I think so many in society look down upon compassion as being weak. The irony is that being rooted in compassion is a sign of strength.
Hope all is awesome.
Nadia, this is an amazing post. It very closely parallels my line of thinking when it comes to the subject of human decency.
There’s not many things in life that make me more uncomfortable than hearing people joke about cruel acts towards civilians in other countries, people with different religious beliefs or people with different political beliefs all because they’re different. It’s amazing that America has significantly gotten over the destructiveness of blatant racism but there are still many people who will gladly propose violence and hatred against the people who I just stated even if those particular people don’t do anything to them first.
What would you suggest for someone who has to listen to this kind of talk in their place of occupation or when they have a loved one who spreads this kind of hatred?
.-= Tim´s last blog ..How I Lost 80 Pounds: The Most Practical Way To Lose Weight =-.
Hi Tim,
Funny that you should mention about being uncomfortable about hearing people make jokes about others in different countries. I just read some comments in response to a news story and it was shocking to me to see the level of hatred and intolerance that some people have. The irony being that the speaker usually thinks that they are superior to the other person that they are making fun or putting down.
As for my advice as to how to handle such kind of talk whether at work or with a loved one, the way to handle it depends on the situation. At least, that is my observation. For example, when a friend or a relative says something offensive, I usually say something about it. I usually will say something to the effect that human beings are human beings regardless of any perceived differences. I mean….we are all one. However, when it comes to work, that can be really hard and is an opportunity for diplomacy.
Because with a loved one, you have more freedom to say what you want. While at work, you have to be skillful in how you say what you feel. Sometimes what helps in such situations is to bring to the attention of the person that they have no idea what they are talking about. What I often do is to bring up the example of Timothy McVeigh. He was a white male who committed a terrorist act…are all white men like him? Are all Germans like Hitler? When I say that, it makes people quiet.
Does this help? If not, let me know and I can share more of what I do in such situations. Hope all is awesome.
First of all, I think that Nadia is a beautiful name. It has an air of grace, mystic and peace. “Nadia” also goes very well with the domain name of your site.
It’s not easy having gone through abuse and name calling. I have had my fair share, maybe not as traumatic but nonetheless, I know that I have not transcended all of my pain. It’s great that you are a stronger person because of your greater awareness into the nature of suffering. It makes your call to action for me even more resounding.
I recall that I used to get really miserable come Christmas time years ago. I certainly hope to do my part in bringing cheer to the people around as the holiday season start. Thanks for the reminder!
It is easy to tell that you have written this post with a great deal of authenticity. I love it! Please keep writing in the lovely voice of yours!
Namaste, Nadia.
With love,
Evelyn
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Make Peace with Time =-.
Hi Evelyn,
Thank you so much for all that you wrote and for all your support. It means so much. Funny enough, “Nadia” means hope and that is something that has always kept me going in my life. Without it, I do not know where I would be.
As for transcending our pain, I think we are all working on that on some level. We all have pain and we all want to be free from it. I think often what helps is to perceive the pain from an objective angle. The pain does not define who you are. Yes, it is a part of your journey but it is not your truth or your true core. Of course, this is easier said than done but it is doable. We are all works in progress. We all want the same things but yet we all look at each other as if we are separate from one another. The reality is that we are all in this boat together.
Namaste to you too! Hope all is awesome with you and your family.
Pain has a funny way of improving our lives. I love the perspective that you give in this post. You chosen to use your past to help people live better.
It’s hard to write about personal issues in such a public space. I know that I’ve held back on some stories on my blog.
We all have the choice we can either be a part of the problem or find a way to find solutions to the violence in our world. I too think we can create peace on earth. We just need more bloggers like you.
Hi Karl,
Thank you so much for saying we need more bloggers like me. I am so touched.
It is hard to write about personal issues in a public way but I think we need to be authentic in writing if we really want to make a difference. We are all struggling with the same pain to some degree. We all want to be valued. We all want to make a difference on some level. The human experience is pretty universal but we fail to see that and so we keep communicating from one mask to another.
As for pain….often it is a blessing in disguise. It just may take years to realize that but it is there. And we truly can create peace on earth. It starts with us.
Hope all is awesome!
I like your point on helping people within your sphere of influence. I’ve always been a fan of helping lift the underdog (my mantra is “exponential results for the underdog.”)
Your point on the ripple effect reminded me of the butterfly effect (a butterfly flaps it’s wings and causes a tsunami somewhere in the world.)
I’m still making my way through the book, Leadership on the Line and it has some pretty amazing stories of ripple effects … started by somebody being different and standing up for what they believe in. You can follow your heart or follow the crowd … follow your ideals … or take the easy road … it’s all choices. Related to these choices, I saw A Christmas Carol and I love the one-liner by Jacob Marley’s ghost … “I carry the chains I forged in life.”
Hi JD,
Charles Dickens was one of the best writers ever and “A Christmas Carol” is one of my favorites. The line from Jacob Marley that you quoted is one of my favorites because it is a great example of karma. We reap what we sow so we should be careful of what we do.
The Butterfly Effect is one of my favorite concepts too. Actually, I wrote a post about it several months ago. Kind of cool how one butterfly can do so much. Imagine what we humans can do!
Hope all is awesome!
Hi Nadia!
The depth of feelings, sensitivity and intellect on your blog is positively AWESOME! What a fabulous teacher and example you are! I experienced an outsider and abused childhood as well, compounded by the adopted factor, which always makes you feel you’ll never fit in no matter what – ANYwhere!
I feel blessed to have “met” you here! Your words, your kindness and compassion never cease to leave me in awe of the beautiful soul that you are!
Much love and many hugs,
suZen
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Tears of Fears – Veterans Day & Personal Story =-.
Hi SuZen,
What we see in others is a reflection of ourselves. So what you said about me is a reflection of you. You are a beautiful soul too who always manages to spread joy and laughter. I am blessed to know you too!
Kind of cool that our pasts are similar. I think we both coped very well. Yay for us!
Much love and hugs right back at you!
Hi Nadia:
Thank you for sharing this story…throughout most of my life I’ve felt like the odd one, too. I especially love this: “Now society glamorizes the rebel but the reality is that when people are confronted with someone who does things differently, they do not like you at all. They may secretly admire you but they will do everything in their power to make you become like them.” How true.
I know a lot of people wonder if they can make a difference in the world. I have often felt this way. But, right now, I’m convinced that if we collectively make a difference in our world in a small way, it will lead to something big collectively. Thank you for writing a very profound post and for being the odd one!
.-= Tim´s last blog ..Weekend Video Diversion: Sesame Street Turns 40 =-.
Hi Tim,
Thank you so much for being so kind and yay for us for being odd! Woo hoo!
Society does glamorize the rebel. I mean look at James Dean. Everyone honors him like he is a god but when the dude was alive, people were frustrated with how he was as a person. Kind of ironic, if you ask me.
We can make a difference in our world. We always think that the difference has to be huge. It doesn’t. It can be as simple as saying hello to someone or holding the door open for someone who needs some help. The quality of the gesture is more important than the quantity of it.
Hope all is awesome!
Hi Nadia,
Pain is inevitable–but suffering is optional and we create suffering to help ourselves awaken. Misery is the nudge we need to see that we smother ourselves with thoughts and beliefs and stuck patterns, keeping ourselves in claustrophobic fear.
With this insight, we also see our own misery differently–it was inevitable, and had to happen in the way it did.
And of course the awakening are seen as odd (except perhaps the very famous ones). Fear recedes, struggle and effort go away, compassion increases, there is greater intuition, an easier flow, far less dependence on social conditioning–many people will be attracted to this, wanting to know how, and many others will be fearful and resistant. With my family, I have been very lucky–they have been supportive or neutral.
Bystander fear is very real, and like all fear, it is simply resistance. I’m positive that each person who just stands by when they could have done something later wonders about it. The good news is we never have to go beyond the edge of fear; we can all spread compassion in the ways we want to and are able to, and it builds.
Our identification with thought and stuck patterns make us fearful and disconnected and claustrophobic and alone. This is all we have to see. It does not take intellect or courage or being different or misery or any special attribute. It is easy, simple, human, and right here.
Thanks for a heartfelt article and all the compassion you spread around.
k
.-= Kaushik´s last blog ..Getting into the flow of Awakening =-.
Hi Kaushik,
Very well said. Suffering is optional….that is so true. I have come to realize that the root of all problems is fear. Fear prevents us from being true to ourselves and true to the world around us. The best medicine for fear is compassion. For compassion is the glue that holds everything together. I truly do believe that within all of us is a seed of compassion….it is up to us whether that seed remains a seed or if it blossoms into something bigger. We have the choice as to how we choose to be in this world. We can either be part of the problem or part of the solution.
Hope all is awesome and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Nadia,
You seem to be performing miracles at your blog! Such a terrific response from so many interesting and committed people. I begin to perceive that things are much deeper than they seem, at a glance. Your two previous posts on The Power of Redemption and Face -to -Face With God: A near Death Experience are very impressive and though provoking. The ideas you generate are bringing back my optimism,that was about to leave me. A close friend of mine is writing a book on very similar issues. So visiting Death in her living room is something that we have practiced already. Never knock on Death’s door; ring the doorbell and run(he hates that). There is a great story written by Indries Shah -”On Cheating Death”, that I can recommend although a bit out of context. I also spoke with God in some of my transcendental experiences. Since I am one of the foremost experts in Eastern Wisdom, I will be happy to share with you anything that interests you more specially if convenient occasions occur or are created. I should mention in passing that my friend Andy-San has little use for creative writing .I remember him once saying that a teacher asked a class he was in to write an essay on the Question,”How far is UP?” He said
that he wrote on his paper,”Up is a direction, not a place.Therefore the question makes no sense.” I don’t recall what grade he said he received. As far as humble Me is concerned -
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. And finally:
“How do you know I am mad said Alice; You must be said the cat, or you wouldn’t be here.”
Take care -Mike.
Hi Mike,
I am humbled and grateful that my blog has helped restore your optimisim. I am so blessed to have wonderful readers (regardless if they leave comments or not) and they all have been a teacher to me on so many levels. I write from the heart and the fact that people respond to it is something that I treasure. So thank you so much for all the kind words and for sharing the stories that you mentioned.
That last line from “Alice in Wonderland” is a good one and describes human embodiment. If we were perfect, we would not be here. You mentioned that you were one of the foremost experts in Eastern Wisdom which is wonderful. If you could share more about your journey, I would be really appreciate it. It is always nice to hear other life stories for there is always a lesson in there somewhere.
I love to read stories of personal triumph and accomplishment. Stories like yours are very inspirational. To share a small story of how your blog affected me: a couple of days after reading The Power of Redemption, I stopped to help a lady change her flat tire. I changed the tire, but the spare was also flat. She had already called her husband to come to rescue her, but her cell phone died before she could give directions. I let her borrow my phone to call her husband, and he soon arrived to take over. Had I not stopped, her husband would not have known where she was. You stirred some thoughts in me about seeing someone in need and passing them by. I tend towards inaction too often, so this time, I just stopped and offered to help. Thanks for inspiring me!
.-= Eric | Eden Journal´s last blog ..The Open Mind Test – Part 2: A Great Teacher, A Little Philosophy, and A Whole Lot of Love =-.
Hi Eric,
If you were right in front of me, I would hug you. So here is a huge virtual hug. I am so touched with all that you wrote. Thank you for letting me know how my blog influenced you. I am so humbled and grateful….I could cry. Writing is a solitary experience so I write what comes to mind and what feels right. I never know how it will effect someone or even if it will. To know that my post had such an influence is amazing. You made my day! And I am sure that that lady was very thankful that you stopped and helped her. So not only did you feel better but so did she and her husband. You brought joy with one simple act. May your story be of influence to others!
Nadia,
You are a brave soul who has the courage to really look inside and confront what you see right away. Like always an inspiring post.
I loved your words, “Every action that you and I do creates a ripple effect that in turn affects everyone.”
Hi Sunny,
People are mirrors for one another….so you are a brave soul too. And since I know you….I know that is true considering all that you have been through this past year. Thank you so much for always being so kind.
And yes, each action we do creates a ripple effect. So we should be careful of what we create. Hope all is well with you and your family.
Loved this post Nadia and you hit on so many great points. For one, emotions are a very sensitive thing and many of us are “dented” for sure. In fact, many of us don’t face these emotions and our minds and bodies suffer.
Second, we are all indeed in this whole thing called life together as equals. Bottomline, we are all human. If only we would treat others the way we would like to be treated (The Golden Rule)…this world would be such a better place.
It’s amazing how the simple things can make the biggest changes.
Thanks for the great post!
Cheers,
Dayne
Hi Dayne,
Thank you so much for all the positive feedback and for sharing your thoughts. You are so right…we all have our own share of dents and we are all human. What goes around, definitely comes around. And yay for simple things!
You are a great healer and teacher, Nadia.
I guess you are referring to your surname, as Nadia is a beautiful name. I have a “funny” real first name so I mutated it to Jannie. I do believe that those of us with painful childhoods can use it to help others. We never realize what light will come of our darkness.
Yes, I’m not sure yet how I will be a wave in the pond this coming “Festivus” season, but I’ll for sure choose something, probably singing with a friend in a nursing home.
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..Mystery Blogger “Over The Top” Meme` =-.
Hi Jannie,
You are so sweet…thank you so much for all that you wrote! You are so right, those of us with painful childhoods usually take from the experience the desire to help others. Life works in interesting ways…sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to see the light.
And as for being a wave in the pond for the Holiday season, I am sure you will for your love of music just shines through and anyone who listens to your music knows that for a fact!
Nadia, thank you for a beautiful post. I didn’t find this post offputting at all. In fact, I think the points you bring up are exactly the kind of things we should be examining more closely.
The way of the world seems hopeless at times especially if you’re paying attention closely (by way of the news) to how we are seemingly moving toward soulless, dog-eat-dog self-destruction. There’s war, genocide, mass rape and who knows what else isn’t being reported on the news. And all this can be very puzzling when we consider the basics: we all have a heart, a soul and a need to connect with other human beings.
But, as a romantic like you, I believe there is hope. Just to point out a simple fact — I believe that as long as there are people like you and me who write thought-provoking posts and make thoughtful comments on blogs, there is hope that one day, we will care a little bit more about each other enough to be moved to act. As long as we have doers and activists and everyday heroes amongst us, there is hope.
Hi Belinda,
You are so welcome and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am all for hope. Funny enough, that is what my name means and hope is what has sustained me throughout my life.
I love what you wrote also about how we all have a heart, a soul and the desire to connect with others. We are all more alike than we are different. We all are looking for the same things on some level.
I am with you about how as long as there are people who are doing their best to make the world a better place, there is definitely hope. Good for you for being one of those people! You go, girl!
Dear Nadia, WOW!! This passionately expressed, right from the heart, which is how you always are, but it still always hits with such joy and excitement to see, no matter how many times I see you do it. I applaud your for being so alive. I resonate with it completely.
The things I got out of this so strongly were daring to be an individual, daring to speak up, daring to take risks, daring to do what we know in our hearts is right and daring to live that in all our actions. I am so done with lip service. I was never into it.
I know that sometimes my posts shake people up. Not in a mean or obnoxious way, but I find myself becoming more and more honest and emotional (in a wonderful way), more passionate, more real, more outspoken. And sometimes it frightens people away and I may lose a reader or two, BUT the amazing thing is for the one or two I might lose I gain 10 new readers. Through it all I feel I make more of a difference both in my own life and the lives of others. That is such a rewarding feeling.
This post really further showed me WHY you are such a beautifully sensitive being. And girl, you are a powerhouse of passionate wisdom and insight. You go for it….all the way.
Love,
Robin
.-= Robin Easton´s last blog ..When We Don’t Speak of Death =-.
Hi Robin,
Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words today. And who needs lip service? Life is too short.
You are right, it is a rewarding feeling when you make a difference in the lives of others as well as your own life. I know that writing for this blog has changed my reality so much…words cannot express the gratitude. We all are teachers to one another in some manner or form. I know that from blogging, I have come to see that I am not alone in how I view the world and that has been of great comfort to me.
And as for being a powerhouse of passionate insight and wisdom….it takes one to know one. You are a beautiful soul too and just keep shining bright!
Nadia, well wow! I am just getting caught up here, and you have really been on a roll. And getting everyone who reads you on a roll too – there is so much power behind these last few posts. I have been feeling so many people starting to roll towards this coming Winter solstice, determined to make it different, both consciously and unconsciously, and you are definitely a part of that too. I loved this post. Everything – your sharing of your pain, your recognition that that pain indeed contributed to your own compassion, the strong urge for us all to ‘walk the walk’ and not rationalize or allow cruel behavior, and your call to make this holiday season a true start of something new. Namaste-
.-= Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..Interview with Paul Martin, author of Original Faith, on the Spiritual Journey =-.
Hi Lisa,
Thank you so much! It is kind of funny how this post came to be. I just wrote it out because I was so frustrated about certain things. When I was done, I was not sure if I should publish it or not. I did not want to offend anyone or come off as a crazy woman but at the same time, I felt I had to share it. So to see all the wonderful reaction I have received has been awesome. It is so nice to know that there are so many people out there who feel the same way. I think we all feel that something has to change. I mean….we cannot descend any lower. So hopefully, this Holiday Season will bring about a genuine shift. Fear can no longer rule the day…it has to be compassion.
Namaste to you too!
Hi Nadia,
This post is an eloquent reminder of how aware we need to be in our daily lives in order to really see everything happening around us–and respond as necessary. I am glad you had another “Ah ha” moment. It’s nice that you still can have those as awake as you are!
You are a special individual, Nadia. Thank you for sharing your past, and your peaceful, loving nature with all of us. I benefit every time I read your words.
Namaste, Jodi
.-= Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..A Gardening Tale =-.
Hi Jodi,
How I wish you were right about being special. I am just a work in progress and God knows, I could be a lot better in some things. That said, please know how grateful I am for all your kindness. Thank you for being you!
As for “Ah ha” moments, may they never end for you, me and everyone else. Hope all is awesome with you and your family! Namaste!
Nadia,
You may find this talk that Kare Armstrong gave as a Ted speaker interesting. Here is the link. i hope you will enjoy it the way I did. – http://www.tedprize.org/karen-armstrong/. I hope you are enjoying the attention and love you receive from all your friends.Take care and may God bless you. I am reading and re-reading the posts you wrote and sharing your thoughts with
my closest friends. All of them are very touched and impressed.
Hi Mike,
Thank you so much for giving me that link. I just finished watching the lecture and absolutely loved it. Karen Armstrong’s philosophy is something that I whole heartedly believe. I find it cool the she also felt called to be nun. Not many people walk that path so it is always nice to meet another former monastic. I look forward to the unveiling of the Charter of Compassion and plan to keep spreading that message in my life especially since I am the product of a mixed religious background.
Compassion is what will save this world. The sooner we start to look at one another as brother and sister, the sooner the world can heal. And thank you also for sharing my thoughts with your closest friends. I am so touched and honored. Please thank them on my behalf. Have a beautiful rest of the day and God bless you too!
This sure dovetails on my post today (at awakeisgood.blogspot.com) about waking up. What does wake us up? What keeps us asleep? Can we all wake up, whether our childhoods were good, bad, indifferent? You raise some very powerful issues here and I am so glad that you do. You always give us deep pause for thought.
This is what I am leaving here with. That peace on earth is not a pipedream. We must believe! One of the Buddhist prayers I pray invokes help to not make more hells on earth by my choices, as there are already so many. That I may find the energy to help others out of their personal hells. May we all pray that our choices bring glimpses of heaven to earth.
.-= Jan´s last blog ..How Do We Wake Up? =-.
Hi Jan,
Amen to that!
I totally agree with you that our choices and actions either can produce more negativity or add more positivity. We each have the power to change the world. Every thought and action produces some kind of ripple. We just have to be aware of what we are creating. We truly are very powerful. Our being asleep only causes more pain and harm. God knows we have enough pain and violence going on in the world. We do not need more. So I am all for spreading and being compassion. Compassion is what will save the world. As the Dalai Lama so simply and beautifully said: “my religion is kindness”.
By the way, thank you for letting me know about your post. I will head over to read it sometime tomorrow. Have a beautiful rest of the day.
I am busy healing the world – one moment at a time.
Well written story and conclusion. I see that lots of folks were touched. That is healing …
.-= Patricia´s last blog ..The Life of an Apple Tree =-.
Hi Patricia,
Thank you so much…I do what I can. And I know that you do the same. May more and more people wake up to the reality that we can change the world.
Hope all is well!
Hi Nadia .. that was so well written .. and as you say hard hitting – but you have a huge power to bring to us, things that perhaps we have never experienced, nor will apparently. Fortunately there are others who are highlighting some of these thoughts, so that we may all think for ourselves and do what is right. We are in an aggrandizement society (act or practice of enhancing or exaggerating one’s own importance, power, or reputation) – the word came from Jan’s “Awake Is Good” video by the buddhist nun (Ven. Tenzin Palmo) from the globalonenessproject.
I don’t think your words are strong – I believe they are true .. as you’ve experienced all the things you talk about – and society is terrible. I watched a programme about mothers with disabled children and how other members of the particular community where these mother’s lived spat, shouted rude comments, damaged their property – albeit they have very little anyway .. it’s heart rending.
Thank you and I’m sure we all have learnt from this post and your other posts – we should have – it’s great being a part of your life .. and being able to learn from you.
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Fireworks and Bonfire Night – November 5th =-.
Hi Hilary,
You are so kind and sweet. Your comment touched my heart and here is a big hug in return. Did you get it?
That is so sad about the show that you watched. I am not surprised by it since people are capable of doing some crazy things. I wonder how we lost sight of compassion. As many have written in their comments, fear is a big component. Yet despite the power of fear…the power of love overrules fear any day. May more and more people see that truth.
Hope all is going well. I think of you often and you and your mother are always in my prayers.
Nadia,
I continue my learning experience , taking my “Dose of Tough Love.” Emily Dickinson wrote something immortal about “ love” –
Love
Love is anterior to life,
Posterior to death,
Initial of creation, and
The exponent of breath.
Wow! That’s not bad for a start. As you said in passing, “In Eastern thought….liberation.”
Then Buddha stepped in and everything felt very comfortable. The Rules, we admitted do not register in our minds, for understandable reasons :
The Brain
The brain is wider than the sky,
For, put them side by side,
The one the4 other will include
With ease, and you beside.
The brain is deeper than the sea,
For, hold them, blue to blue,
The one the other will absorb,
As sponges, buckets too.
The brain is just the weight of God,
For, lift them, pound for pound,
And they will differ, if they do,
As syllable from sound.
“Call me over sensitive, call me an idealist, call me a romantic…I truly do not care. How bad do things have to get before we finally wake up and realize that we are all ‘rocking in the same boat’ together? Does the world truly have to end for us to finally realize that we need another way to exist?” – “Every action that you and I do creates a ripple effect that in turn affects everyone.…….Peace on earth is not a pipe dream. It can happen and it starts with you and me….. The choice is yours and yours alone. Just please choose wisely.”
Owning to past neglect, in the face of the plainest warnings, we have now entered upon a time of great danger…..correct? The era of procrastination, of half – measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to a close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences….. We cannot avoid this period, we are in it now….!?
“The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problem.” –Gandhi (1896 -1948).
“Man has lost the capacity to foresee and to forestall. He will end up destroying the earth.”-A. Schweitzer, late 1950s.
Isn’t that the Real Provocation, Nadia? Now tell me how “the ripple effect”, will exactly sort things out? How can we dispel the false beliefs that are so common in the Western Mind (represented in the Vatican, Washington, Hollywood and America for example) as well as the Eastern Mind ? Lao Tzu says – “When a man is born, sorrow comes with it.” In between Buddhism was born in India about two and a half years ago as you may well know. The great
Chuang -Tzu says –“Books are only words and words, of course have value. But the value of words lies in the meaning behind them. This so-called meaning is but an effort to grasp at something and that something cannot really be expressed in words. Because the world values words, it preserves the books. But I do not value them, because what they value is not the real value of the books. What the eye can see are form and color. What the ear can hear are names and sounds. Alas! People think that from names and colors, and names and sounds, they can penetrate to the truths of reality….therefore he who knows does not speak, and he who speaks does not know. But what does the world know about it?……The ancients perished long ago and that something which they could not communicate perished with them. Therefore, what
Your majesty reads is only the dirt they left after them.”
Now days in the age of ‘Neuroscience’ , we may well start “Managing with the Brain in Mind.” (Neuroscience research is revealing the social nature of the high –performance workplace).” When people felt excluded,” says Naomi Eisenberger…provoked the same
sort of reaction in the brain that physical pain might cause.” But is this the cure from the problems we constantly stumble in?
Whether I am a right or left brain thinker will not prevent me from making a cake with my whole brain involved and eating it too.
It is obvious that the total collapse of human morale, values, religion(Christianity in particular) has lead to a completely chaotic situation where things in our world seem to have gone totally out of control and a new unified world, which is the only correct direction is yet to be born. Mass production of stupidities of no real value can not be the alternative. So let us try to heal and design a better world, put and end to our war –civilization and learn to life together better with less. Any concrete ideas generated without self –imposed constraints will be strongly needed.
But the future is not contained in the past so it is worth trying!
Hi Mike,
Absolutely beautiful! I learned some new quotes and a poem! Thank you so much for sharing. Of course, what you wrote brings many things to mind. I will do my best to state what I feel and think. Let me start with my understanding of the ripple effect.
The way I see it, each action and thought that I have creates some type of cause which in return will create an effect. So let us say that I go to a cafe and order a cup of coffee. Now I have a choice as to how I will be when I order that cup of coffee. Will I treat the person who takes my order in a kind manner or will I treat them like they are not a human being? Now the person taking my order also has the same choice as me. Will she be nice or be rude? So let us say that I am nice. Maybe my niceness will make her feel happy which in turn may cause her to be nice to the person after me or who knows what else?
The key is that we are repsonsible for how we are in the world. Education and religion informs us. It is up to us to take what we learn and apply it. It is very easy to be rude and to hide behind the idea that our actions are insignificant. Look at politics. Politicians act they way they do because they think that is what we want. If more and more of us, were vocal in our desire of how we want the world to be and we ACTED like we want the world to be, those in power would have to take notice.
People constantly complain about what is on television. Talk to a television executive and they blame viewers. They will say we put on shows that we are told people want. So obviously there is a whole lot of miscommunication going on here. People have to be what they want to see in the world. Gandhi said it best: “be the change you want to see in the world”. And that is how the ripple effect works.
Being ignorant or hiding our heads in the sand in the hopes that someone else will do what is needed, is belittling the power of a human embodiment. I forget which Buddhist Master said this but he wrote that a human embodiment is quite rare. He equated it with some type of sea turtle which takes a very long time to reach the top of the ocean. I never forgot that.
The problem with religion is that it makes people forget how valuable they truly are. I believe it was during the reign of Constantine where he gathered all the religious leaders of the time to make decisions as to what they were going to do with the Bible. It was called the Second Gathering of the Council of Nicea and it was during that meeting, where the powers that be discussed the issue of reincarnation. Some priests thought that if people were aware of reincarnation, they would not do their best in this lifetime and that it should not be mentioned in the Bible. Other priests thought that if people we aware that they had many lives, they would respect life so much more. Eventually, those who were against the mentioning of reincarnation won and as a result, we see what we see.
Granted, I have no idea if this information is 100% accurate since throughout history, stories get morphed and changed to suit those in power. What we do know is that we are responsible for how we choose to be in the world. We can either be rooted in fear or in love. When people are rooted in fear, it causes ignorance and we get events like the Holocaust and other horrific acts committed by people and not God. People allow people to do crap. Let’s face it. It is true regardless of where we live on this beautiful planet.
So I guess the more we take responsibility for how we are in the world, the more the world can change for the better. We are important and powerful. We can change the world. If people like Gandhi, Lao Tzu, Buddha, Mother Teresa and so on…could make a difference so can we. So as you can see, I am with you in believing that it is worth trying!
Hi Nadia .. thanks so much .. I truly appreciate the hugs across the pond! We are ticking along – poor Mum said it should be Derek still here and she should have gone .. so difficult, but we go on. I read her my letter about the funeral and Derek’s tribute by his niece (I was an in-law) – today Janice, the Healer visited this a.m., this pm she’s asleep.
I was watching because I have a friend, whom I met via the net & we went to a conference in NY together two years ago, and her daughter needs 24 hour care – she’s ok, but not if you see what I mean .. and I know the lady that made the programme is helping her getting extra education for her child. It’s a tough life for people with challenges.
Thanks – I’m getting back to normal .. trying to clear the decks of Mum’s birthday letters, and Derek’s letters re the funeral – not to say I have any responsibility for it – but it’s just me! So I’m swamped with letters this ‘month’ .. over 100 .. not ‘post’ sort! Real ones!
Many thanks for the prayers and thoughts .. H
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Fireworks and Bonfire Night – November 5th =-.
Hi Hilary,
You are so welcome and thank you for the update.
It is great that in this day and age of communication, you have over one hundred letters. I think letters are an art form that we have forgotten due to the creation of email. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE email. I think it is great that I can communicate with anyone in the world within seconds. However, there is something precious about letters.
And yay for getting back to normal! Love and hugs to you!
Nadia,
Your comment is a beauty! I love your great style of nailing things down,thinking without constraints and creative inventiveness. Good for you. I had an unexpected engagement so that i will consider your thoughts deeply. Since you mentioned that you are a product of a mixed religious background, I was wondering if you have a Slavic line? I myself live in Sofia -Bulgaria . You are a very attractive young lady from what I see,while i can’t figure out how to post my picture on your and J.D,s blog. Shame on me. I will be in touch with you soon since I love open discussions and keep on pondering my own head over the possible solutions. It is a pleasure to communicate with you and I sincerely hope that I am not stealing from your precious time or boring you. Take care and thanks for your responsiveness.
Hi Mike,
Well, my mother was Armenian. So similar part of the world but not exactly Slavic. However, what does it matter, right? We are all one.
As for posting the picture, go to http://en.gravatar.com/ and just follow the instructions. And no worries…you are not being boring or taking much time. One aspect of being a writer/blogger is to create discussion. So it is a pleasure. If you want, you can email me at admin [at] happylotus.com and that way the discussion can be more private. However, it you want to continue talking in a public manner on the blog that is fine too.
Have a great rest of the day and I hear that Sofia is beautiful. My mother went there and she loved it.
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