Recently one of my friends and fellow bloggers, Lisis of Quest for Balance, wrote a heartfelt post about what she referred to as the Passion Paradox. The post was written with a lot of emotion and passion which displayed her frustration that sometimes when you follow your passion it does not necessarily mean that you will earn loads of money. As a result, less money may mean that someone has to take a job that they do not necessarily love.
Her post generated a lot of comments and discussion. Many readers from around the world shared in her feelings. Some did not necessarily agree. Overall, it was fascinating to read and observe because it proved to me that the root of most human worry lies in excessive material desires .
Many people usually want more money so that they can buy more things. Actually, all you need are the basics in life to be happy. Food, shelter and clothes are what matters. Everything else is gravy.
When we lived in India, the majority of people were working to make sure that they had the basics. Yes, there is extreme wealth in India. Many well to do families have mansions that rival those that are in the Western world. However, the majority of the society are not that wealthy.
On average, when I was living there, the annual income of a typical family was around $4,000 to $5,000 American dollars. The jobs that made the most money were those that were at companies who outsourced jobs to India. The irony is that many of those people who worked at such jobs were paying the price for more money because it meant more hours. So there was an emerging trend of people leaving those jobs in order to have a higher quality life. And these are people who were earning not more than $5,000 a year.
No one in America can survive on that much money unless they are living with someone who earns considerably more. Herein lies the problem. How much money do we really need in order to be comfortable and love our lives?
When I was in college, I had a classmate who used to say that he could never live on a salary that was below $100,000. He was deadly serious. Of course, I thought he was an idiot but from his perception of life, that was how much money he thought he needed to be happy.
He calculated that between living in a huge house (to impress other people), driving an expensive car (to impress other people), wearing designer clothes (guess what…to impress other people) and all the other items which would provide entertainment he needed at least a hundred thousand dollars annually.
As I listened to him talk about money, I realized that all the things he wanted were out of a desire to show that he had attained a certain status in life. He wanted the appearance of success and in his mind, success was achieved by having all kinds of material possessions.
So often people want certain things because of what they represent to the outside world and out of a desire for enjoyment. But are they really a necessity?
My husband and I live a very simple life. We do not own much. We do not have cable television or lots of clothes. Actually, we wear the same clothes until they cannot be worn anymore. The same goes for shoes. As for a handbag, I only buy a new one when my current one is worn out. We look nice wherever we go and never look like bums.
We only buy the things that we need. Even my professional clothes are not that numerous. When I was working as a lawyer, two of my colleagues constantly made fun of my clothes because I did not have tons of outfits like they did. I never wore the same outfit two days in a row but I did have only a set amount of clothes which I rotated every week. I looked nice but apparently not nice enough. To spend lots of money on clothes has never been my thing. I just buy what I need.
In a recent study that was published in the newest issue of The Journal of Positive Psychology, a group of psychologists found that individuals who earned $55,000 and above underestimated the happiness levels of those who were considerably less wealthy.
The study found that people have increasingly worked more hours in an effort to earn more money even though it has meant less time spent with family and a negative effect on overall health and well-being. The study showed that when those who earned above $55,000 were asked if they were willing to work less and earn less they refused because they felt that they would then be less happy. In their minds, happiness was equated to money.
Interestingly enough the study showed that those who were considered poor had similar levels of happiness as those who were earning $55,000 and above. The study proved the old adage that money does not buy happiness…it buys things and before you know it, those things are owning you as opposed to you owning them.
My love for writing is immense and in my heart that is what brings me joy. I made my peace a long time ago with the idea that I will most likely have to do something else until my writing becomes a full time gig. I am cool with that reality. The way I see it, such gigs give me material to write about and that is awesome.
I know in my heart that I do not need much to be happy and so that gives me a lot of freedom in picking out jobs. Since writing is my passion, the career path for that art is quite different than if I really loved the idea of being a lawyer or if I were drawn to banking.
In my life, I have held all kinds of jobs in an effort to support my passion. It is not easy because it has not been a constant straight line but I do not think I could live any other way. A famous writer (it was either Steinbeck or Hemingway) said that being a writer is not something you choose, it chooses you. I think there is a lot of truth to that. There have been moments in my life when I wished that my passion was more practical.
If my passion was to be a surgeon, I would never have any problems making a living for that is a lucrative career. However, it is a very demanding career and you have to love it in order to do it well. I have yet to meet a surgeon who does not love surgery.
So this brings me back to money…the root of much of human worry deals with excessive material desires. Scam artists, thieves and so on do their crimes in an effort to make lots of money very quickly. People want to feel secure and to be comfortable. I want those things too but we do not need to be so extremely materialistically driven either nor do we have to sell our soul in order to pay our bills. If you have a home in a decent area, food on the table and clothes to wear….well, then….you are pretty rich.
Special note: My newest article at Elephant Journal, Is There Anybody Alive Out There? is now available.
{ 63 comments }
Great thoughtful post! I’ve come to realize that as long as I make enough money to allow me to do what I want to do and when I want to do it, I have enough. If you love writing, then you need just enough to pay your rent and food habit, while also allowing for some fun.
.-= Henri´s last blog ..The Power of Consistency =-.
Hi Henri,
Your definition of enough sounds perfect to me. I am of the same mindset and follow the same guidelines. Not everyone understands this logic but it is okay. As long as I am happy that is what matters. Hope all is well.
Hi Nadia,
Money can’t buy the real and true happiness that comes from within. Sure, it can help to provide us some level of comfort – but it cannot touch upon the true happiness we all have deep within us. So, we may have to support ourselves in some fashion to really live our passions out – and maybe that does mean doing something that doesn’t fully resonate with us. As long as we keep that passion alive, as long as we continue down that path that has deep meaning for us – then we are in the right spot. And I DO believe that it is possible to live your passion out, and not be also always doing something not completely related to that passion to sustain yourself. Maybe we have to at times. And in the end, I see “rich” as being rich in spirit, rich in love, rich in living…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..The Upside of Life (And Holiday Celebration!) =-.
Hi Lance,
A couple of years ago, I was sitting in a Starbucks waiting for a friend when this guy walked in and sat down next to me. One thing lead to another and we ended up having a discussion about money. He worked in the inner city and was of the mindset that poverty was not so much a financial issue as much as a spiritual issue. He told me that in all his years of working in the inner city, he found that people in the inner city where a lot richer in spirit than those in well to do neighborhoods. He even wrote books on the subject and was really passionate about how society confuses poverty with money and not spirit.
Your comment reminded me of that incident because like you, I think rich in spirit means something so much more than just having loads of money.
Dang it! I’ve been Lanced again! I swear, he ALWAYS says what it was I was gonna say before I have a chance to say it!
So um, yeah, what Lance said
The only thing that I would like to add is that recently, I went from living on $9000 a year to making over $60,000 a year. My overall happiness has increased, but not because I have more money. It’s because I can now afford to do what really makes me happy…giving money to others. And there’s a lot of reduced stress because I no longer have to worry about paying my bills or making rent every month.
So to answer your question…I don’t know how much is “enough”. Certainly, before I didn’t have enough…and now I have more than enough…way more than enough. So I’m guessing (for my comfort level and my lifestyle choices) somewhere between $9000 and $60,000 per year is just about right.
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..Paying It Forward =-.
Hi Jay,
Well….I guess great minds think alike. So you and Lance are both great minds.
That is awesome that you went from earning $9000 a year to $60,000. What a wonderful experience on so many levels. You are right that by having more money, it does reduce stress in regard to paying bills. That said, I also think you were given the chance to earn so much because you have a sincere desire to help others. I know that for you earning money is not about what you can buy but what you can give. Not many people are generous whether it is love or money or whatever. And I know you are a generous soul.
Hi Nadia,
You make so many good points here. I absolutely believe that less is more and what you said about owning your stuff, not letting your stuff own you, is so important! There is freedom in keeping your expenses down and your emotional attachment to “things” at a minimum. The freedom comes in many forms: being able to downsize when necessary, being able to pursue a passion that is less lucrative than your day job, being able to pick up and move fairly easily, etc.
I’m tapped out for more to say…Lance really did leave a good comment above! I second Jay–I’ve been out-Lanced, too!
.-= Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Love, Love, Love =-.
Hi Lance,
As I told Jay, great minds think alike. So since you feel you were out-Lanced, then that means you have a great mind like Jay and Lance.
I loved how you wrote about how simple living is truly a form of freedom. That is so true. Not many people see that because so much of society determines value by what we own. The irony is that when this ride is over, all the stuff we own stays behind.
Hey, Nadia! This is definitely a question I think most people need to explore for themselves… how much money is enough for you? My personal belief is that if you need more money to buy more stuff for yourself in order to impress others, that probably won’t lead to happiness.
But, as Jay alluded to, there are times when having more than our basic needs covered can greatly increase our happiness for completely unselfish and non-materialistic reasons. Being in a position to help others regularly is a great example.
Also, you mentioned sometimes wishing your passion were more practical… at least it is inexpensive, though. No matter how little you make, you can always afford to nourish your soul by writing.
One of my passions is flying, not to impress others, but because it is the nearest thing to heaven I’ve ever experienced. Being aloft gives me a whole new view of the world and all the little trivial things in it. Having the means to fly allows me to visit my family, spread out from New York to California to Costa Rica. But that passion ain’t cheap… so I haven’t flown in a decade. Part of me lies withered and dormant, perhaps never to be awakened again.
We live like you guys: a couple of outfits, no materialistic purchases, rented apartment, one car, super basic groceries and seldom go out to eat. Our survival needs are easy to cover. The higher rungs of Maslow’s pyramid are the ones getting tougher to afford… self-actualization, and being in a position to help others. There is a window of financial desire that lies between basic needs and materialistic consumption. That’s the one I’m trying to get to, and can’t yet figure out how.
Awesome post! I look forward to reading the rest of the comments, and I’m adding this to the original passion post. Thanks!
.-= Lisis´s last blog ..Ten Useful Tips for Snow Noobs, Like Me =-.
Hi Lisis,
Thank you so much for writing that one post and adding this post to it. You definitely touched on a subject that so many people are trying to figure out. It is awesome to be able to have such a dialogue.
I know how much you love flying because I remember how your eyes lit up when you talked about it as we drove up to NYC. Unfortunately, it is not a cheap passion but you just never know what the future holds. Like some people rediscover one another years later…you may be able to fly again sometime in the future. So you never know how life will work itself out.
As for what you wrote in relation to Maslow’s pyramid, it is interesting how so much of self-actualization appears rooted in financial security. I see the logic in that yet so many people who attained that state of being were mendicants. Granted, being a monk has a whole lot of security in terms of financial needs as opposed to lay people who are tying to be in the world and not of it. When you are in a monastery or convent, your needs are supplied by the organization so you never have to worry about such things. Hence, that was one of the many reasons why I almost became a nun. I loved the idea of being able to work on my spirituality and help others without ever thinking about money. However, that meant not being married and I just was not ready to give that desire up.
So I was back out in the world, trying to find my way. Ironically, that was about ten years ago. I am much wiser now than I was then but I am still dealing with the same issue….having to find a job yet again. At least, this time I know with all my heart that being a writer is what I want do until the day I die. Back then, I was not sure if I had the ability to do it. So there has been progress.
And by the way, you are not alone in trying to get to that window.
Another really great post here Nadia.
This very topic has been on my mind a lot, and I’ve been talking about it with co-workers.
There is a shift happening in my eyes. I started to notice that since I’ve been talking about going part time, or changing to a lower level position, others have been thinking about it too. Recently 4 people told me that they would consider changing their position where we were if it meant a better balance in their life. They were willing to take a drop in pay if it meant they could have time to do more meaningful things in their life – take night classes, volunteer, work another job, do art….
It comes back to passion.
I am about to talk to my employer and moving to 3 days a week – 22.5 hours a week – so that I can pursue my blogs, writing, photography, design, and love of life. I have a lot of passions and believe that I can live a renaissance style of life today. I can’t wait help others realize that it’s possible to wake up and do whatever you feel like doing – and make enough money to sustain that type of lifestyle.
Doing what I’ve been doing, I have slowly lost that urge to buy material goods. We went to Ikea recently and I had no urges to buy anything. That normally never happens. I feel we have what we need, and my happiness is coming from helping others, and going after my passions. I can login anywhere, start writing or designing and I feel outstanding. Or I receive an e-mail with questions and I am inspired by the fact that I can help them out.
I believe there is a big difference in financial security and financial desire. I believe that ways to earn income from your passions will open up to you as you move forward, and a powerful exercise to go through is one of figuring out your ‘getting buy number.’ Look at how a few multiple income streams can easily provide a secure income.
.-= Scott Webb´s last blog ..Photography Business Cards – Moo Cards Edition =-.
Hi Scott,
I am so happy to read about what has been happening with you. I was thinking about you a few days ago and it is awesome to see you again.
You are so right about how there is a big difference between financial security and financial desire. Many people lump them together which is a mistake.
One of the benefits of the current economic situation is that many people are using this time to re-invent themselves and their careers. Seems like that is happening at your workplace.
Also, your point about arriving at a “get by number” is very good advice. Once people are happy with how they spend their days, they don’t look to material items to fill the void that was once there. So your experiences when shopping at Ikea does not surprise me. When a person is happy, they really do not need much.
I look forward to hear how your journey progresses. You are definitely on the right track!
Nadia:
It’s refreshing to read your take about money and wealth. I have learned over the years, that everything is relative. Personally speaking, my spending has been cut due to my layoff and I am learning to live with less. Yeah, I’d love to buy that new laptop so I could be more mobile in getting my work done, but that is more of a “want” than a “need” right now. I guess that is a big factor in this whole thing: trying to determine “wants” vs. “needs.” Thankfully, I had been living pretty frugally when I got laid off so my lifestyle hasn’t changed dramatically.
Anyhow, I really enjoyed your post and I’ve also enjoyed reading the comments and learning how everyone’s idea about money has really changed during these times. Thanks for this!
.-= Tim´s last blog ..Picking a Word for the Year =-.
Hi Tim,
Awesome point about the distinction between “want” and “need”. So often people merge the two. I know that I have been guilty of that especially when it comes to things like books and music. I love to download songs from iTunes and buy books. Often I know that I do not need the music but I have learned to give myself some spending limits where I do not feel deprived. I think it is key to have fun and any sense of deprivation is like dieting. Not very productive.
Like you, my lifestyle has not changed much since I have been out of work. That made things a whole lot easier but I do admit, I hope to be able to be working again soon.
Hope all is well!
Dear Nadia,
You have no idea how this resonates with me today…or maybe you do
Today I am wearing my Walmart outfit and my Payless boots. The only thing of value of my person are my wedding rings.
Every six months I go through my closet and remove anything and everything I haven’t worn in 12 months. Including shoes. Off to Goodwill they go.
My husband and I don’t live beyond our means. For the first time in his 46 years of existence he bought a brand new truck. Over the lifetime of the vehicle, we figure it will cost us $0.13 a mile. Together, he and I have a game plan. An exit strategy. He lives his passion every day as a full time Army National Guard solider. As the state’s chaplain assistant, he takes care of soliders and loves every day. Seriously…he loves his job. He knows my passion is writing and teaching. He knows I’m making things happen so that one day soon I can say ciao to Corporate.
How much is enough? A roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes on my back. Internet access would be good, too
xxoo
Peggy
.-= Peggy´s last blog ..Who or What are You Breaking Yourself For? =-.
Hi Peggy,
We do the same thing too. Anything that has not been used or worn in a year gets donated. It is the best feeling in the world to not have cluttered closets. And like you, the most expensive item is my wedding ring. So great minds think alike!
And that is so awesome how you and your husband are both aware of your passions and support each other. That is beautiful. His job sounds fascinating.
You are right…Internet access would be good too. I forgot to mention that…thank you for the reminder!
Hey Nadia,
I was just in India, my 3 time, and I had some interesting discussions with my family while I was out there.
I remember on my second trip there I went to Mumbai and just before you land you fly over the slums and when I saw that I was in shock and my heart melted.
On this occasion I noticed how content people were. They were very relaxed. Even though they didn’ thave much they ran their businesses and were very chilled out so to speak. Even the little beggar children who kept running up to me for money seemed incredibly happy. I spoke to this one little girl, her name was Rupali, I asked her who that was that she was carrying…she replied…her little sister. I asked where her parents were and she replied…she didn’t have any…and yet she seemed so happy.
It’s funny that the mentality of the Indians over there is that we’re lucky to be here. I disagreed with them. They see something and yet when I was looking at them I saw something completely different and something more beautiful. Yes they were on the breadline but they were incredibly content. They thought that being in the UK must be amazing and that we have everything we want. To a certain degree true but they don’t understand the lifestyle that comes with it. I see so many people here unhappy because they work so hard, or such long hours that after it all they’re pretty miserable.
I agree with you that it doesn’t take much to be happy. I believe there is a threshold where happiness derived from wealth reaches a peak and anything else is an illusion.
.-= Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..4 Years And 6 Key Lessons From Blogging =-.
Hi Amit,
I noticed the same thing when we were living there. I visited India before but living there was such a wonderful experience. When I was there, a few people asked me if it was true that the streets in America were paved in gold. A part of me wanted to lie and tell them that there were such streets but I had to be honest. I told them about how America is a great country but people struggle to pay their bills and many are unhappy. They could not understand why people would be so unhappy.
I tried to explain the cost of living and they were so surprised to hear how expensive things were. It was a great education to see how content people were with so little while here people are so miserable yet they have so much.
When we returned to America, my first time back into a supermarket, I cried because there were 16 aisles of options yet none of the shoppers seemed to be aware of how amazing it was to have such abundance. In the village we lived in there was only about two aisles and they were hardly aisles. If you wanted orange juice, there was only one kind. Here in America, one brand alone has about 12-16 kinds.
By the way, your description of what Mumbai looks like prior to landing was so perfect. I remember seeing such beautiful high rises and then you see the slum areas. It is amazing how in that one city so much wealth and so much poverty live side by side. And yet no one seems to be bothered by it. It just is what it is and people find joy in what they can.
So yes, it does not take much to be happy. How I wish more people saw that truth. I often think it would be awesome if every person could spend six months in a country like India. It would truly change how they view life and I mean that in a very positive way.
Nadia, I enjoyed this post so much!
My hubby and I enjoy a simple life as well and have lived decently comfortably. This last year with one income has been rough but we’re meeting what needs met and I’ve learned some better money handling skills (wiser choices) then before. So, I do not regret the experience of having less and struggling sometimes because otherwise I’d be less of a steward still.
I also connect with what you shared in regards to writing, I also feel it has chosen me and I don’t mind that. I really believe in my heart that it would be enough as this first project surfaces through because we’ve adjusted to spending less.
I find often with money, we care more about having it to invest back into our dreams and I like to be able to do activities, without feeling guilty. Things like trying out tai-chi, horsebackriding, or something like that once a month or every other, maybe even a massage an odd time. I don’t think that is a bad desire. So, I guess for me I like the simple life still but it would be nice to feel that ‘my contribution’ is enough and that we could enjoy those things (artistic outlets for a little less stress in life). Otherwise I’m happy with few things and keeping it compact.
Thanks for giving me much to think about though. I often don’t know what enough is enough but I do enjoy living with less and having an imagination that’s for sure!
luv Jen
Hi Jenn,
About five years ago, my husband and I were working at the same place. So I decided it would be wise if I kept a detailed track of all our spending. I had this log where I just wrote down all the expenses. My intention was to be smart about money but then I found myself not having any fun.
I noticed that the little comforts like a magazine or book or a movie enabled me to have more fun. So I threw out the log book and to my surprise, we did fine within our budget and we were having fun. That one experience taught me so much.
So I think it is important to do some fun things just as long as it does not get out of hand. We all have to live within our means but we also should have some fun. As to what constitutes fun, that depends on the person but I think if something costs so much that the stress of the expenditure outweighs the fun…then that is a good guideline not to buy that item.
And cool on the writing.
Hi Nadia .. thanks for that .. having grown up since soon after the 2nd world war .. we had nothing as such – we had to look after anything we owned, we had to save our pocket money for the one big item we might get – eg a bicycle, we had water and squash, not fizzy drinks, etc etc Now the kids want the same as everyone else – that doesn’t help them .. and branding is not good, when it comes to personal desires ..eg new shoes, t shirt etc etc ..
We can be satisfied with less, we need to learn humility, be more compassionate, share more, offer ourselves more to help others, be caring, smile and be happy ..
here’s to a generous Christmas and New Year ..
with love to you and your family -
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspriational Stories
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Kissing under the Mistletoe – how did it all begin? and Asterix! =-.
Hi Hilary,
You are so right. We do not need much and the world definitely could use more humility and much more compassion. Actually, my post for this coming Sunday is along these lines.
And yes, here’s to a very generous Christmas and New Year! By the way, my anniversary and birthday are all around this time of year too. It is one big fesitive time!
Love and blessings to you and your mother!
Hi Nadia .. me too .. just get time to write my thank yous and the birthday pops up – not too close .. but 13 days into the NY .. usually relatively quiet in the UK due to the weather, but in SA – I made hay while the sun shone!!
Thanks – I’m going to try and post a picture of Mum, Hardwick (her stuffed dog) and me .. though it’s difficult taking pics bending over a bed! in her Christmas tinsel etc .. have to do it yet – one thing at a time ..
Love and blessings to you both too – H
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Kissing under the Mistletoe – how did it all begin? and Asterix! =-.
Hi Hilary,
So you are a fellow Capricorn too? Cool! My birthday is in December so it is one big party month which just adds to the joy of the season.
The image of making hay in the sun sound lovely and so warm. It is getting colder over here too. No snow yet but we are expecting some this weekend. Should be fun.
I look forward to seeing the pictures!
Hi Nadia,
Great post, thank-you so much for writing it. This is definitely a question that I struggle with constantly when I try to visualize my future. It is so easy to be persuaded by seducing ads all around me that try to tell me that money is equated to happiness. (Is it the recent Coca-Cola ad that says “Open happiness”?). But I definitely agree with the voluntary simplicity trend towards having less material possessions as a way to counteract this trend.
The way I see it, money doesn’t buy me happiness, but it certainly makes things a lot easier: It’s easier to be happy when you don’t have to worry about the next place you’re going to live if you miss the rent, or how to pay the bills if you lost your job.
One thing that always comes to mind when I think about money is family. If, hypothetically speaking, at some point in my life I happen to run out of money, I know I can always count on my very large and very supportive family to help me out. I am so grateful for them and the support they offer me, because I know not everyone has this luxury. I think that might be a reason why people in India are so happy, is that they have strong family relations?
Have a great day,
Andrea
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..Acceptance of the People in Our Lives =-.
Hi Andrea,
That is a great point about family. I know when I was in India, people used to tell me that they were surprised that I was so close to my family considering that I was American. They have stereotypes of Americans and one of those stereotypes (at least, the ones that I heard while there) was that family relationships are not very warm since children leave the home at age 18. I told them that even though kids leave home at around that age, many are close so that was a mistruth. They were really surprised.
You are blessed to be so loved and supported by your family. It is a wonderful gift. Some members in my family do not talk to me because of my desire to be a writer and my spiritual interests. However, my husband, father and one uncle are my biggest fans so that always help. And you are right, to have such support is great when it comes to money.
And I laughed at the recent soda ad….that is funny. How can a drink made up of chemical crap bring me happiness? I rather eat chocolate.
By the way, you mentioned how you visualize your life and the struggle that comes along with doing that. I have learned that when it comes to visualizing your future, just see yourself not lacking in any way. Someone once brought to my attention that at any given moment, we have what we need. So often our fears about money tend to be future fears. Of course, this does not mean you sit down and do nothing. It just means giving your best to the moment and what it requires and surrendering the outcome. I have found that when I do that, things happen so much more smoothly than if I had tried to force something to happen.
Have a great day too!
My husband and I live in a 24 foot motorhome. That sure helps fight materialism! Many of our friends live in larger RVs but we all have limited space for goods so we just don’t accumulate them. The freedom to explore this great country of ours is priceless. We know people who travel around the country working as disaster relief staff, Habitat for Humanity crews, wildlife area tour guides, etc. One couple’s income is solely from their travel newspaper and how-to books and blogs. As he often says, the beauty of the sunset is not dependent on the price or size of your RV. The RV community is full of positive thinking, truly caring people. You are welcome to join us anytime.
Hi Linda,
Thank you for the invite. My husband and I were talking about doing such a trip in the future. So you never know, we might cross paths.
That is so awesome that you two are living on a 24 foot motorhome. You are right, that does assist in not getting too materialistic but it sounds so liberating too.
And I so much loved what you wrote. I have spent a good portion of my life traveling and the freedom to explore is something so wonderful. It is great to know that so many people are helping others and running their own business while they see the beauty of our country. That is really nice to know and is a source of great inspiration. Thank you so much for leaving a comment.
Hi Nadia,
This is something we struggle with…my husband works insane hours sometimes for his employer, he is well compensated, and yet by the time we pay for our health insurance and the out of pocket medical expenses (that are not covered) our mortgage (we don’t have a fancy huge home-it’s fifty years old and needs a lot of work…but we do live in a great school district-so property and homes cost more in our town)…We really don’t live an extravagant life style-no big vacations (our vacations are spent visiting family)…our cars are aging gracefully…but you know it all adds up. Working those long hours does not make my husband happy, or the rest of us either…but if he didn’t we might not have health care coverage like we do now…which is a big deal in a family with two chronically ill people…on expensive medications…so there is a fear factor for us.
And yet…I totally agree that money does not give us happiness, time spent with the people we love does…it’s a bit of a tangled web for us.
So our compromise is that although he works many hours, as often as he can he works from home-helping with shuttling us about in between conference calls since I can’t drive right now-this is good as he doesn’t have to deal with rush hour traffic, and gives us more time with us, even if it isn’t all quality time…and when we are all together for down time we do our best to be really present.
Less is more…but sometimes more isn’t more, it’s just getting by. I know that might sound ridiculous to you and to others. But that is our reality…at least as we perceive it.
I have to say I admire the way you worked with those other lawyers and didn’t have tons of designer outfits. (I’m a jeans and long sleeve t gal myself-I tend to buy the new stuff for my girls and let my stuff wear out too)
So I my intention was not to sound negative here…just real for where i live with my husband and two teenage daughters. You make some really excellent points that I will take to heart.
namaste o’shiny one!
xoxo
Laura
.-= Laura Hegfield´s last blog ..A Gold Star Moment: Shining Our Light =-.
Hi Laura,
You did not sound negative at all. Nor does any of what you wrote seem ridiculous. Actually, what you shared was real and I am sure many people can relate to it.
It is hard to have a home, pay taxes, raise kids, medical issues and having one source of income. Due to my last job, I was the major breadwinner and let me tell you, it was hard to be in that position so I can imagine how your husband feels and the draw back of so many hours.
When I worked at the law firm, my hours were so insane. I would leave really early and come home late. I was constantly tired. Weekends were so hectic because I had to get so much done. So I know the frustrations of that and now find myself trying to find work with the hopes that whatever job comes next it comes with a schedule that is more humane.
So no worries for what you wrote. Life can be hard and sometimes stuff happens. However, nothing lasts forever. So maybe there will come a time when things will get easier in your home. God works in mysterious ways, as you so well know!
Namaste and lots of love to you too!
I totally agree with what you say about needing the basics; everything else being gravy. I wish that this message could become more mainstream. Many studies have found that having more money did not increase happiness long term. I think it is one of the worst fallacies of American Society. Thanks again for a wonderful post!
.-= lena´s last blog ..Emotional Hygiene–Check Yourself =-.
Hi Lena,
You are so welcome and thank you for always being so supportive. I think we are made to believe that we need the gravy. Therein lies the problem.
Hope all is well!
Outlaw wrote about the same topic today, great minds must think alike
http://www.creditcardoutlaw.com/my-blog/2009/12/how-much-money-is-enough-to-be-happy.html
Hi Eric,
That is funny.
Thank you for letting me know and for calling me a great mind. Hope all is awesome!
“He wanted the appearance of success and in his mind, success was achieved by having all kinds of material possessions. So often people want certain things because of what they represent to the outside world and out of a desire for enjoyment.”
Nadia, I see this all the time and it pains me. I think the longer people chase this illusion of happiness, the longer true happiness will elude them. However, I do see a shift happening too, and I believe it to be the upside of the recession. Although collectively we are experiencing a great deal of material hardship at the moment, it is my hope that in time we will look back on this period with gratitude for the shift in consciousness it will have brought about.
.-= Hilda´s last blog ..Do unto yourself as you would do unto others =-.
Hi Hilda,
That is my hope too. The Universe works in interesting ways and maybe that is one reason why things the world economy is experiencing such times. As many spiritual traditions state : there are no accidents.
Hope all is well!
What a fun party to walk in on! This post was such a wonderful thing to read, and the comments are incredible (although I don’t know why everyone is making such a fuss over that Lance character… Sheesh! I mean it’s not like he’s incredibly thoughtful, compassionate or insightful in his comments. Oh wait, yes he is! LOVED his comment, and also LOVED Peggy’s comment!).
You and I are in similar situations in terms of looking for new jobs to sustain us, and I’m finding that it’s a fine line to walk in terms of “how much money will do it for me?” I have an amount in my head that’s 2/3 less than what I was making last year when I walked away from a soul-sucking job. And yet when faced with the prospect of earning even less than that and maybe needing to cut back on my expenses, I shudder a little. (I’ll be honest!) Am I willing to move to a cheaper apartment to accommodate a lower pay rate? Am I willing to work two jobs? What am I willing to bend on and what is a deal breaker?
Like you and Jacob, I live a fairly modest life compared to many, but a truly wealthy one compared to many more. I have things that I love surrounding me, and I’m able to grocery shop for more expensive organic foods because that matters to me.
I think back to our grandparents who might have survived the Depression in this country, and how many sacrifices they had to make. Sacrifice, as an act, looks a lot different these days, doesn’t it?
Last thing I’ll say is that I loved the line you used in your post, talking about how the more stuff we own, the more it owns us. Well said, my friend!
And here’s to prosperity in our hearts, in our health, in loving relationships, and in peace-filled minds.
.-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..Funny Cookies =-.
Hi Megan,
You are so right. It is a fine line to figure how we need as opposed to how much we really want to earn.
I have to tell you that one of my least favorite words in the English language is “sacrifice”. The reason for my dislike is that I think that word carries a negative connotation to it that is not necessarily true. In my mind, sacrifice means giving up something that you want because you have to do so. However, isn’t it far greater when we do not want something because we truly do not want it? For example, you walking away from your job was a choice on your part. Yes, it brought many changes but you welcomed those changes so that was not necessarily a sacrifice. It was a conscious choice.
Forgive me for my word analysis but sacrifice is one word that makes me cringe because people believe that sacrifice is a good thing and it is not. I mean if someone loves you and makes you give up something that you love out of the belief that marriage requires sacrifices then that is not love.
I think previous generations had no other choice put to learn to live on less. The amount of options we have now is unlike anything in the past. So we have much more temptations now than previous generations. That is probably a factor too.
And amen to prosperity in all aspects of our lives!
Hi Nadia
You know this is such a great age-old question and something we need to consider regularly to bring many of us back to our senses, as in what is really important.
When I interviewed author/environmentalist Mike Nickerson, he said one only needs (based on stats) $8,000 a year to survive (i.e. have the basics in life). This may seem like a super small number to some, but if we all get resourceful, I am sure many will agree this could be done.
The point that it all comes down to is what is within us really. Some people will be blissfully happy with that small amount a year and some of those same people can win a million dollars and they still won’t be happy – and vice-versa.
Definitely money in my opinion does not bring the ultimate happiness, but similar to what Lance and Jay said, the more money I will have, the more I will be free to give it away to others. I have already decided that for me, it is not about having houses, cars or clothes to impress others. It is about experiences. It is about what do I want to create and enjoy …. yes this includes a comfortable life, but a very simple comfortable life – and being free to help others. There is such great joy in giving!
I will add this one thing too….if we look back in history at all of the masters who walked the Earth, they all lived very lightly… and that to me is great inspiration.
.-= Evita´s last blog ..Make Every Holiday a ‘Holy Day’: Redecorating the Landscape of Life =-.
Hi Evita,
In a reply to a comment, I mentioned how those who had attained self-actualization were for the most part not very wealthy. I find this to be very interesting considering how Maslow states that people need financial security in order to work on self-actualization. Seems like a contradiction but I do think that those who made spirituality their main focus were content to live on less.
The root question is really how much does a person need and want. Some people have a lot of needs and are not willing to let them go. That example you gave of Mike Nickerson is just perfect. That is wonderful that that is all he needs. That is amazing.
As for us, we live a simple comfortable life too. I always think that if there were more money, we would probably use it to help others. Actually, we do try to help as many as we can with what we have. It is a nice feeling to spread love and joy to others. And I so agree with you on the preference for having experiences as opposed to items.
Hi Nadia! Well I’m late to the party AGAIN – geeez! Well the advantage being I get to read all the comments!
Money – hmm, hot topic always! Ya know, I grew up dirt poor in the eyes of the world. I never KNEW it at the time. Life was full, life was rich, and my mom had such a talent for making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear that honestly, I never knew we scrimped by – ever. I felt SO blessed by nature around me – what did I really want or need? Can’t think of a damn thing! I had food and clothes. I got a new book for Xmas and my mom’s famous cookies. All was well.
THEN came the “Is that ALL you got for Xmas?” and comments on my home-made clothes, or rummage sale outfits. Ouch. Obviously I didn’t fit in with ANYone! My striving for riches began. I was modeling all thru high school and accumulated the most fantastic wardrobe in the entire school. People were suddenly in awe of me. Such a contrast! It took many decades for that false sense of what matters to get me back where I belong and a brush with death to really be the frosting on the reality cake! I’ve taken my mom’s words to heart – “Make Do or Do Without” – and I do! My silk purse collection is awesome!
And I wouldn’t give up shopping with coupons even if I was a millionaire! I agree with many here – the best things in life are free!
Hugs
suZen
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Letter to Santa – or – Venting is Therapy! =-.
Hi SuZen,
It is never too late to show up at the party!
The party runs 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and for being so open. Kind of funny at the contrasts in reaction between when kids commented on your Christmas presents and when you were able to have the most fantastic wardrobe in school. I know what it is like to go from being put down to being in envied. It is a jolt on so many levels and you are right, it does give you a false sense of self.
It is awesome that you were able to get back to where you were when you were a kid. The more I read and hear about people’s lives, the more I am convinced that we all end up traveling in the shape of a circle. We have to go through all kinds of experiences just to get back to where we were when we started but all the wiser.
Aren’t coupons just awesome? I recently bought a pair of sneakers that were like $50 but with a coupon the price went down to $18. I was so happy at the discount, I wanted to hug the cashier.
And the best things in life are free…my favorite example, watching the sun rise. Totally priceless.
HI Nadia,
It made me feel like I’m not the only different one 
By different I mean a person who is happy with needs rather than desires.
I so so so loved this post
Our lives are much like yours..we only buy stuff that we need…nothing extra, clothes only when they are worn out..and the same goes for shoes and bags etc. Thankfully my hubby and i have the same view on life so that helps. But, my mum…she keeps saying how can you live without this and that…oh and she goes on and on. Even if I try to explain to her..this is how I am happy, its difficult for her to accept.
I remember even when i was young and living with my mum I wouldnt buy a thing for myself with my pocket money. Infact I would give my pocket money back to daddy and say…what will i do with this …I dont need anything….everything i have you already give me. He would say’ go buy yourself something nice.” …but somehow i never spent that money…i seriously didnt know what to do with it. Finally i would end up spending a bit only on birthday gifts for family and friends.
Even today till i pair of shoes doesnt tear I wont buy another. I believe in simplicity…and somehow dont have desires for big houses and fancy cars. I do like them..yes they are art and technology…but not for myself. I wont let my hubby buy a car cause i dont want us to add to the global warming…I wont buy a washing machine cause i dont want to waste electricity…I might be stupid, to work and live simply…but its gives me immense satisfaction. It give life meaning.
People need to realize and start living for their own satisfaction rather than the status of society.
I might live a simple life…..but I have a good standing in my community….You build your reputation or image not by owning big cars and houses…but by having a big heart and a loving nature. Those are things no amount of money can buy.
Thank you fro this wonderful post…and thank you for being my “fix”
Lots of love
Z
.-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Being Grateful for 2009! =-.
Hi Zeenat,
You are definitely not the only different one.
I started working when I was 12 and I would buy myself little things here and there like a magazine or some type of music but for the most part, I only spent most of it when I was buying things for other people. For some reason, it always brought me more joy to make other people happy. When I started to earn more, my habits pretty much remained the same. Not everyone understood that but that is okay. Fortunately, like you, I am married to someone who feels the same way so that makes things easier.
Being that you live in India, I know that you really do not need a car unless you will travel for long distances but then there are ways to work around that too. I have to tell you, that is one of the things I miss about India. The fact that you really did not much to survive there. As for what you wrote about not wanting a washing machine, I know from living in India that not many people have such machines and the machines sold there are very small in comparison to the ones sold here. Here in America, no home is without one. Even apartment buildings include a washing machine with the apartment or a basement with a laundermat (a place where people can use washing machines for a fee). It is something that so many people here take for granted.
I think it is beautiful that you are living a life based on what you feel and believe. You are not stupid at all! You are beautiful!
And you are always welcome for the “fix”. I am still so touched by that…you have no idea how much that meant to me.
thanks for your kind words nadia…as always, you find the right ones! Yes, everything is temporary…waves rising and falling, rising and falling over and over.
namaste shiny one,
laura
.-= Laura Hegfield´s last blog ..Time: The Great Illuminator =-.
Hi Laura,
You are most welcome!
Namaste to you too, beautiful soul!
I enjoyed coming her late to the party, because the comments are so good and add to your writing so nicely. Thank you
I am right at a dilemma with this love and money issue. When I was first married my partner and I chose Voluntary Simplicity as our route….riding bikes and not owning cars…growing a garden….I worked cleaning jobs and stocking jobs and childcare so that my husband could buy into an Architectural Firm and practice his love – Sustainable, energy wise, Green Design, which he has done for 35 years and now owns the firm and is working it into a cooperative.
I was able to do several campus ministry jobs and work in an alternative interfaith religious group for just expenses for a number of year…and teach ethics at a College -which is my love…with writing..
Then we decided we had enough love in our hearts , room in our family and funds in the bank to take on daughter #3 from Korea (Korean/Japanese heritage – a person not valued in her birth country) with a complete cleft palate, no ear tubes, a lesion in the brain over long term memory, and hypotonality ( no muscle tone)
She has just graduated from college….we are very proud of her and my full time efforts 24/7 to get her to her goals…
We are 250,000 us$ in debt for all her learning and medical needs…then with the economic down turn and not taking pay for 6 months….well you get the picture…
now the Credit Card company ( we only have one card for medical expenses) and the insurance folks are ganging up on us…and I am scrambling to keep us fed and the computer connected and visualizing our abundance….we have just enough each month to pay the mortgage, food, and required bills….I am not afraid but I am trying to create new ways to deal with this opportunity…
We now have a car, which is good because of my knee problems…we live in a 100 year old house with solar panels and retro fit to the max with energy efficiency…
Slowly – and yet surely – some work is coming in…
What I am finding hard is the pain of having credit card debt…for what I consider to be one of life’s necessities…and it feels exceptionally hard to now have no retirement income for our future (I know the investments are coming back)
Sometime it is just absolutely frightening to be different from the system…which has made a change…especially. Do I try to go back to cleaning and stocking shelves? Prayer does not seem to be enough…and I guess my writing isn’t either.
Thank you for a good post…and for letting me share my questions ….
.-= Patricia´s last blog ..To Serve this Season =-.
Hi Patricia,
It is never too late to join in the party. So no worries about that and please know that I am so grateful for all that you wrote. In my mind, it sounds like you and your husband have lived a very successful life. Actually, you two have lived a life based on your terms and created the reality that you wanted. You are an example of how wonderful being different is on so many levels.
As for having the credit card debt…well….you got the debt by not splurging on material items that really meant nothing. You went into debt for a good cause which was to help your third daughter achieve her goals. In my mind, that is money well spent. That said, none of this eases the frustration when insurance companies are coming after you. I think that is one of the most frustrating things about health care in this country….it is not a right but is treated as a privilege which means people have to pay so much to get it. It is very hard.
That said, have you talked to the credit card company and insurance company and negotitated a lower interest rate or some type of agreement? Many companies are open to doing what they can to make things easier just as long as you pay something.
As for your retirement, you have no idea what the future holds. Do your best at the moment which means doing what you can to help bring in money. Actually, better yet, listen to your intuition. If you intuition tells you to go back to cleaning and stocking shelves, then do it. I know you may not like it but if that is what your gut tells you to do, then do it. Don’t listen to fear, listen to your heart. On some level, you know what you need to do.
Life does have a way of working things out for the best. The key in that is that a person has to be doing what they can at any given moment. It does not mean sitting down and waiting for money to fall from the sky. Just give the day what the day requires and the outcome will take care of itself.
And as for prayer, it does work…it is just that the Universe uses it’s time schedule not ours. So just hold on. Please know you are in my prayers and I truly mean that. Every bit of positive energy helps and I will do what I can to send more your way. I am always here if you need to talk or vent or whatever. If there is anything that I can do, please do not hesitate to contact me. I really mean that.
Lots of love, hugs and blessings to you!
I’m so glad you’re not a surgeon! I’d sure be missing out on your blog.
I’m like you with clothes, have just a few things I wear — plus one pair of running shoes, one pair of wedge heel sandals for summer and one pair of black boots for cooler times, the latter I’ve had for well over 10 years and with rubber soles are still in great condition.
I really feel for Patricia, that must be such a lot to have on her mind, but all I can say is it will work out somehow. Some way. It all does work out.
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..With Not A Dry Parental Eye In The House =-.
Hi Jannie,
Your wardrobe sounds like mine. Very cool.
And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts regarding Patricia’s comment. That was really kind of you. And I agree with your view….things always do work out somehow.
Jannie,
I will respond here to your big heart and concern…I am working at keeping my “loves” in place while I figure out how to keep my values moving forward…even in the hard times, which are just an opportunity to learn something new….looking for ideas and suggestions of new ways to think that will bring a heart full response to relief from this dilemma…
sometimes I have too many shoes…and nothing to wear…with no place to go…
It will work out…It always does
.-= Patricia´s last blog ..To Serve this Season =-.
Nadia this is so true, lots of people want material things not for themselves but for status reasons, in other words to get approval from others. If they could stop for a minute and actually think how much they truly need just for themselves, just for them to be happy without worrying about status and what others might say, the numbers would probably be much different.
.-= Lana – DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..You are NOT responsible for anything and how it can help you reach any of your goals. =-.
Hi Lana,
You made many great points in your comment. I think so many people just do not know the difference between “want” and “need”. Many people confuse the two as being the same but they are so different. And a lot of material desires are out of a desire to impress which is so sad on so many levels. Many people live for others and not for themselves so they may not even know how to define true happiness or at least their version of what is true happiness.
I am glad that I am late for the party. It was great to read all the comments in your post. I missed Lisis’ post while I was away on retreat; so it was nice that you drew my attention to the discussion. I am even wondering why I have never thought of writing my thoughts in a post before since this is a topic close to my heart.
Oh yes, money is not everything! I also heard about the survey on the $55,000 level but from elsewhere. Many of us think we have no choice but to continue in demanding and energy draining jobs. However, I choose to think otherwise. How we wish to lead our lives is very much a conscious option.
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Goenka Vipassana Meditation: Your Body As An Laboratory =-.
Hi Evelyn,
I loved your line about how we make a conscious choice as to how we want to live. I think many people are not aware of that because there are so many demands and pressures that they feel obligated to follow them. Most people are taught to go out, get a job and so on. There usually is no mention of having a life that is rooted in being conscious. Most people walk around unconscious which is something that really has come to my attention a lot lately and will be discussed in tomorrow’s post.
By the way, I do hope you write a post on this subject because it would be nice to read your thoughts on a topic that you hold so dearly in your heart.
I do agree on this… but let’s admit to the fact that people judge you by what they see from the outside and people will always be superficial and each one of us wants to feel beautiful, worthy and of value inside and out.
As a man is judged by the watch that he wears, a woman is judged by the jewelry she carries.
Status discrimination may have been either blunt or subtle, but it will always be there – like food chain.
As you have stated, “How much money do we really need in order to be comfortable and love our lives?” The only response I can give you on that is – “relative”. Just as simplicity is as relative as it is and it varies from one person to another…
.-= jefferson faudan´s last blog ..What Benefits Do You Get From A Home-Based VPA? =-.
Hi Jefferson,
Yes, people do judge other people by what they wear but that does not make it right. I mean…if I judge a man by his watch, then that means I am truly screwed up in the head. Because if a watch is what will determine a man’s worth…then that is kind of pathetic. Someone can wear a Rolex and be an idiot. So just because many people do that does not mean it is right or logical.
Status discrimination will always be there but it does not mean we have to engage in it. It is up to the individual. However, what I will say is that a truly secure person will not engage in such discrimination. Happy and secure people want to see others happy so they do not care about such things. Only insecure, shallow and miserable people will deal in such discrimination. At least, that has been my observation.
> those things are owning you as opposed to you owning them
Well put.
I think there’s a big difference between below the line and above the line. When you’re below the line in money, and you’re making trade-offs for things like food, shelter, health, that sucks. Money buys a lot here. When you’re above the line, and you have your basic needs, money doesn’t buy you self-actualization or happiness. I think Maslow helps keep things in check.
As a PM at Microsoft, I need to know my projects monthly burn and the minimum it takes to stay afloat. I think this is a great practice in life. You should know your minimum monthly burn for basic necessities each month. My friend told me that in gambling, this is referred to as “the nut” … the smallest amount you need to survive.
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..8 Ways to Be Heroic =-.
Hi JD,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. We each have to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t. Once we know how much we truly need, then we can go about living our life in a manner that is perfect for us.
And that is cool how that is referred to as “the nut” in gambling.
I agree with nearly everything you write. This though…I’m not sure though that your law school colleague is representative of everyone. Would it be okay to want to be able to afford a house in a better part of town where one could be closer to work and public transportation? I live in the city in a small condo, for which I’ve bought maybe one piece of furniture in two years. The rest of my home is furnished with hand me down furniture from my friends. I’m close enough to walk to work, close to public transportation, etc. I think I’m pretty good about not using my money for material things. I certainly could’ve bought a much bigger place for the same price out in the suburbs, but would’ve had to buy extra furniture and car. I guess I’m saying I think that some people who want to make more money want to maybe not for necessities, but for non materialistic reasons such as mine. I like where you’re going with this, but I don’t think it is as black and white as you think. Thanks for always making me think with your posts. Happy holidays.
Hi Christy,
I hear where you are coming from and there is nothing wrong for wanting to live in a certain part of town in order to be closer to work and public transportation. To me that is a desire that is not materialistic at all. Actually, I think such a choice is a smart one. To me what makes something a materialistic desire is when someone wants more money because of how it will make them look to another person. Many people are consumed with image and want more in order to feel better about themselves. Let’s face it, there are people who like to brag at how expensive their home is and the kind of car that they drive. It is the intention that determines whether something is a non materialistic or materialistic desire. The kind of intention that you wrote about is totally non-materialistic. And thank you so much for your kind words about how my posts always makes you think. I really appreciate it.
Hi,
Interesting thoughts! I believe it’s not possible to make a general statement on whether money makes people more or less happy.
Money comes with a whole set of new elements that may have good or bad impact on our happiness, and depending on how susceptible we are to every one of them, the conclusion will go one way or the other (i.e. different from person to person). I recently made an effort to provide a more comprehensive picture of what these ad- and disadvantages are. I invite you to have a
look at Money and Happiness and tell me what you think!
Thank you, Nick
Hi Nick,
Thank you for joining in on the discussion and sharing your thoughts.
I read what you wrote regarding the relationship between money and happiness. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with having money. Money is a form of energy and a tool for living. It is not the end all and be all of human existence. I have known people who never cared about money and became rich. I have known people whose sole purpose in life was to be rich and they acheived that goal but were miserable within themselves.
Everything in life boils down to intention. If someone wants a lot of money in order to give to those who need it, then that is awesome. But if someone just wants a lot of money so they can just have a Rolex to show how wonderful they are, then that is a problem. The Universe is not stupid and neither are our fellow human beings. You get out of life as much as you put into it. People want happiness and look for it outside of themselves but happiness will never be found in external things. Trust me, I tried and had every possible external thing I could want. I never felt more empty. Having more does not add up to being happy. Happiness is a state of being.
So to go back to the issue of money…it is a form of energy and perception. Each one of us has a different definition for what is wealth. The key is to know how much is enough (which depends on the individual) and to have a life that reflects our own version of truth. Money does not define who we are…only we can define who we are.
Hope all is awesome!
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