As promised in my last post, here is the second part of the series about learning to decipher when thought is coming from the ego mind or when it is coming from the heart.
The fact that today happens to be Valentine’s Day is a wonderful “coincidence” which I only realized after I published the first post in this series. In case you are interested in knowing about the history of how Valentine’s Day came to be, click here for a post that I did a year ago on that very subject.
One thing that I want to do before getting into what makes a thought from the heart, is to clarify some terms. From a few comments that were left in the previous post, it became obvious to me that not everyone attaches the same definition to the word “ego” and “heart”.
In the West, ego is viewed from a more positive standpoint. While in Eastern thought, the concept of the ego is not such a positive thing. I have always known that people attach different definitions to the same words but that thought did not cross my mind when writing the post on the ego.
With this in mind, let me start out this post with clearly defining what is a heart/love based thought. Often, we equate a thought that comes from the heart with the emotion of love. However, in many spiritual traditions, a heart based thought is a thought that comes from the Divine that exists within you. It has nothing to do with you, the individual. It is a thought that comes from a Higher Power.
Now I realize that some people may freak out at the idea that they have a spark of the Divine within them. To be candid, the first time I heard that concept, I was freaked out too. However, as many spiritual traditions state, we are all created in the image and likeness of God. That means that a spark of God is in you. You already have your own inner Yoda who is eagerly waiting for you to pay attention to it.
The problem is that we have covered up that spark with our fear and negative thinking. The best way for me to convey the concept is to share with you how it was taught to me.
My very first Buddhist teacher, poured a water into a glass. She then put some sand into the glass and started stirring. Pretty soon the clear water became all cloudy and yucky looking.
She then stopped stirring and all the sand went to the bottom of the glass and the water was clear again. She told me that when our ego mind is in full power, we cannot see clearly due to all the cloudiness. However, when we still the mind, we are able to tap into the clarity that is our inherent nature and see life more clearly and make better choices from that clarity.
A thought that comes without influence from the ego comes from that inner clarity. That is why sometimes we just know what to do even though we may not have any idea how we know. For example, have you ever been in a situation where you just knew you had to do something but you had no idea why, only to do what you felt and meet someone or realize something that changed your life? The hunch came from that inner clarity…that Divine which lives within you.
Anytime fear comes into your mind, you stir the sands up and you prevent yourself from seeing clearly. Only when the mind is still can you tap into the reservoir that lies within you and make a wise choice. Please know that this does not mean that you ignore your mind…but rather you learn to discern what is the motivation behind a thought.
If a choice is made due to fear, insecurity, pride, greed and so on…it is a thought that comes from the ego and will not be a proper choice for it is not being motivated by a Divine source. However, when you make a choice that is rooted in that clarity where the ego is silent, then it is a choice that is coming from your inherent Divinity.
The best example that I can share with you is from my experience. As some of you know, I have been unemployed since September. During the second month of unemployment, I became very scared about the fact that I had no job. So I began looking for any job that I could find. This was purely motivated by fear and hence it was an ego thought.
I did get called for interviews and with each interview, I realized that I was doing the wrong thing. I knew it in my gut (the inner clarity) but my mind (the ego) kept telling me to find something because I had to find something. Then one day, I heard myself talking in an interview and I realized that I sounded so unmotivated and that I would not even hire me because there was no passion in my voice.
When I left that interview, I sat in my car and thought about what had just happened. All fear was gone and all I felt was inner clarity. That was when I realized that I would never find another job unless I was looking for something that I loved to do. I knew with every fiber of my being that if I searched for a job with fear, I would never find anything that would make me happy. I then knew that I had to change my ways.
To be candid, I would have never been able to reach that clarity if my mind had not been still. Guidance is ALWAYS present. We just need to tap into it.
I realize that this is a heavy subject and that some of you may have specific questions. So bring them on. Sometimes it is hard to write all that I want in as few words as possible. And there is so much more I could say but then this post would be really long. So feel free to ask any questions that may come to mind in the comments or you can contact me directly.
{ 44 comments }
Hi Nadia,
Your knowledge and insights are really valuable to your readers. I remembered it again when I was reading this today. The example you have used explains our egoistic mind quite clearly. The difference between a glass which is full of clear water and the glass after mixing some sand into it. But if we can try to clear up our mind daily by spending few minutes on it, I think it will be more easy to face troublesome situations because then from the practice we will be able to let those sand particles settle fast and clear up our mind again.
Have a nice day !
.-= vikum´s last blog ..Simple acts of kindness =-.
Hi Vikum,
Thank you so much for the kind words and for always being so supportive. You have been one of my very first readers and the fact that you still care to read my blog means a lot.
The great thing about the sand is that it can settle at the bottom if we choose to do so. Thoughts will always be present. However, we have the power to choose the kind of thoughts that we want to dwell on. Negative and fear based thinking will lead to choices that will not be wise. Making a decision or acting from a place of clarity will always lead to better results.
Have a nice day too!
I have also heard the metaphor of a diamond being covered over with mud. I appreciate you taking time to explain. I am guessing that meditation and awareness are the best ways to get in touch with this more divine self. I have been actively trying to live more from the hear than the mind. When I am successful, I feel so much better about everything–myself, others, and the world. When you truly live from the heart, judgement and criticism pass away and it is much easier to live in the moment. This is something I want to help others realize. It is something our society desperately needs instead of holding on to the belief that money and physical beauty are the ways to happiness.
.-= lena´s last blog ..Weight Loss Update =-.
Hi Lena,
Meditation and awareness are two methods that help get in touch with the divinity within. I think it is a matter of being conscious of what is happening within yourself and around yourself. I think many times people think it is normal to be worried or to complain. That is not a natural state of being. Whatever a person focuses on, the more of that situation they will create. Think thoughts of lack and you will get lack.
With practice, it becomes a habit and seeing the clarity in any situation is truly a matter of learning to see things from another perspective.
And I am with you on wanting to help others realize the importance of living in the moment. Money and looks can come and go but inner peace will always be a constant.
Hope all is well with you!
Hey Nadia. I love the metaphor of the sand and the water. That’s a great way to describe the ego vs heart thinking. For me the challenge is letting the sand settle. I have however, been far more aware of thoughts, words and actions coming from ego and actively putting it in it’s place when need be. I’m not always successful but I’m getting there.
Great series. Thanks!
.-= Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..Daisy List #80. Gold Class Movie Night =-.
Hi Sami,
No worries…we are all works in progress.
It is awesome that you are aware and are doing your best. There is not much more a person can do but try. I have found that when we accept the fact that the sand will always be there, it is easier to learn to live with it. I think the problems arise when people just want to get rid of the ego. That creates a struggle and then things just get worse.
I really like the water example and there’s a world of difference in clarity between a mind that’s all stirred up and one that has a peaceful calm.
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..Love Quotes =-.
Hi JD,
The interesting thing is that the clarity comes from something more powerful than the mind. It is a higher knowing. At least, that has been my experience and you are right….it is much better than coming from a state of confusion.
Hi Nadia:
Thanks for sharing this…especially the example that your first Buddhism teacher shared with you. That’s a really great way to think about things. I may have mentioned this on my blog a while ago, but I downloaded an e-book from Amazon.com called the anti-career guide by Rick Jarow, which is pretty good. He combines the chakras with job hunting…I remember he talked about (I think) it was the first chakra and he used the example that we need to approach our career and job hunting from a position of abundance rather than scarcity. I found this to be interesting and true from previous job hunts.
What you’re saying is so important because it can be applied to much more than a job hunt. In general, I am seeking clarity in my life and this heart based thinking is a way of becoming more clear. In any case, thanks for sharing this great information…its a great thing to keep in mind.
Hi Tim,
I remember that blog post you wrote and what a difference it makes when we have thoughts of abundance as opposed to thoughts of lack. It seems like such a simple shift in perception but it is truly a profound shift.
That is awesome that you seeking clarity. Actually, we all are even though we may call it different things. The answers are always there….we just need to remove the sandy mess and see the clear water. The more we practice, the easier it becomes.
Hi Nadia .. what a great part two .. the sand and water and muddied mind is so true – we don’t think straight or make rational decisions, or any decisions. I’d love some guidance as to clearing the mind .. if that’s possible?
I love your point that people spend their time worried or complaining and therefore not focusing on the now, and the way they can improve themselves their situations and move forward.
Thanks – very interesting .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..St Valentine’s Day, Tokens of Affection and Love Spoons =-.
Hi Hilary,
Thank you for the positive feedback. I am happy that you enjoyed part two.
As for your question about how to clear the mind, there are many ways that work. The best is meditation. And by meditation, I mean just sitting still and just observing what comes up in your head. That creates a sense of detachment from the thoughts and with that detachment, you can view those thoughts objectively and realize that they are not a part of you.
It is hard at first because many people think meditation means having no thoughts and that is not the case. Thoughts will always be present. The key is to observe them and learn when to let some thoughts go and let others stay.
Another method is just engage in walking or any activity that allows you to detach from the thought. The key is to be engaged in a process that enables you to recognize that the thoughts are separate from you.
When I first started, I would write down whatever came to my mind during a three minute period. When I looked at my thoughts, I just had to laugh because it was crazy.
Does this help or do you need me to clarify more?
Hi Nadia!
And thank you for the cool photo of my best friend, Yoda! My only fear is that I begin to look like him as I age. Hate the thought of scaring my future grandkids!
This is great! (she says smiling – like I knew it would be!) You have a magnificent way of teaching and it sure is heart based!
Well done, my dear friend!
Hugs
suZen
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Discoveries in Being Hip – It’s CODE =-.
Hi SuZen,
You are so funny….I do not think you have to worry about looking like Yoda. And if you did, no worries. The dude is cute.
And thank you so much for the kind words. I really appreciate it.
Hugs back!
Hi again! I went back to read your post on the history of Valentine’s Day. Interesting legend but wow, how did Hallmark manage to invent what we have today from THAT? Boy I could do a number on this ditty – I will spare you and your readers. Maybe a good post for me NEXT year! haha!
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Discoveries in Being Hip – It’s CODE =-.
Hi SuZen,
Mind-blowing isn’t it? I had the same reaction when I first learned about how Valentine’s Day came to be. Goes to show you the power of commericialization.
Dear Nadia, you described it so perfectly. Thank you for this post. Our inner wisdom can bring us answers to any questions we have. I totally agree silence is the best way to tap into it. I also believe that engaging in activities that inspire us and align us with who we are have that power too. It might be journaling, painting, or maybe even listening to the music that lifts you up, I am sure if we look we will find at least several activities that help us tap into our Inner Genius or Divine within us. The key is to engage in those activities consistently and of course to always look for clarity. Clarity creates miracle.
.-= Lana – DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..you won’t love THERE if you don’t love HERE first =-.
Hi Lana,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Clarity definitely creates miracles. I think any time we are at peace, we create the foundation for amazing insights and can manifest what we need when we need it.
It is always fascinating to me how all the answers that we seek are already within us. We just need to tap into that state of awareness. It is really beautiful.
Words are a problem. We all use many words–ego, awareness, awakening, spirituality–and they all mean different things to us. It’s good that you started with clarifying ego and heart.
My experience with job hunting is very similar.
And you’re absolutely right about stillness. We can do many practice, but it is in still, innate awareness that we are most open to Truth.
Thanks, very helpful.
k
.-= Kaushik´s last blog ..Divine Valentine and 2012 =-.
Hi Kaushik,
Isn’t it amazing how we may all use the same words and yet attach very different meanings to them? I often forget that because most of the time, I am surrounded with people who share a similar mindset. However, one of the many great things about blogging is that you meet people who look at the same thing differently and it is interesting to see the different points of view. That is why I defined what is heart in my mind so that there is no confusion.
And being aware is such an awesome state of existence. May more and more people become aware of the power that lies within them.
Nadia,
I so appreciate this series and your willingness (and wise ways) to help clear up the muddy mess around the ego. I do not think of the ego as a bad thing. In fact, I am quite thankful for my ego because it’s presence continuously invites me to reorient myself toward Spirit, toward embracing the spark of the Divine which I know is in me — and, in fact, is my essence. You illustrated this so well with your personal example from the interview process. So the ego is not bad….it can be a tremendous way shower. Just my thoughts.
May we all be more gentle and accepting of ourselves…as we are.
Hi Jan,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It is always nice to see different points of view. I am always fascinated to see how other people look at things. So I welcome such discussions.
Hope all is well.
I loved this line, and it sums it up so brilliantly, “…discern what is the motivation behind a thought.”
When I’m able to get quiet and recognize what my “agenda” is (we all have an agenda running at most times in our lives, whether we’re aware of it or not), I can choose from where to act: the agenda (if it isn’t love) or my heart chakra (full of love).
Easier said than done sometimes, especially when that water is cloudy beyond recognition, but certainly worthwhile.
Have a beautiful week, Nadia!
.-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..Underwear in the Jungle! =-.
Hi Megan,
You are so right about the agenda. I love how you brought that up. We all have one…regardless of whether we are aware of it or not.
Here’s is to more times of the water being clear than being muddy!
Have a beautiful week too!
Hey Nadia,
Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I am relatively new to your blog. I came across it as I was losing my job earlier this month. I am now unemployed and yes, I am pretty scared. When I think about the job market within and outside of the teaching field, I really begin to panic. But like you say, I cannot be coming from a place of fear. The negative, fear-based thinking is definitely on overload, but reading your blog always centers me. Thank you.
I have applied to teach English in South America for a year beginning in the summer. The thought of being away from my family in a foreign country for an entire year excites me but also terrifies me. You lived in India for six months, right? Do you recommend living in another country?
Thanks,
Jules
Hi Jules,
Thank you so much for all that you wrote. I am happy that my blog is of help.
Losing a job is a hard thing to experience especially given the current state of the job market. However, things happen for a reason. And often what we think as bad can be a blessing in disguise. Like you, I became unemployed in the fall and at first, I liked having the time off. Then I became scared and started to look for any job and that lead to a series of events which made me discover a new path. I always tell people that becoming unemployed was a blessing in disguise.
That is awesome that you applied to teach English in South America. I have spent a lot of time there and it is a beautiful part of the world. Yes, I did live in India for six months and it was a wonderful experience. Before living in India, I have spent a lot of time traveling the world and I just love it. Living in another country opens your eyes to another way of looking at life. It also makes you appreciate and understand what you have at home.
For example, not everyone in the world has water on demand. The gift of running tap water from the faucet is a luxury that so many of us take for granted.
Plus, it is fun to discover different cultures and different foods. It is a wonderful adventure. I highly recommend it. It is bumpy at first and you will miss home but if you stick with it, it becomes a huge wonderful experience. If you any more questions or whatever, feel free to contact me.
Hi Nadia,
Great post! I am glad you clarified the difference between an ego thought or a heart-based thought. I love the imagery of the water glass with sand, and how stillness allows the ego thoughts to settle. That’s wonderful.
I hope you are doing great!!! Jodi
.-= Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Off the Shelf: Blink by Malcolm Gladwell =-.
Hi Jodi,
Thank you so much for the positive feedback. The water with the sand imagery is something that I always remember whenever my ego starts to take over. Stillness can do wonders.
Hope all is well with you too!
Hi Nadia
A wonderful addition to the first part. I cannot tell you how much today I am drawn to stillness and people who move with such energy. I have a feeling that I have become or am constantly becoming more sensitive to energies, and today almost find it painful to be in the room with an energy that is all charged up out of fear, anger, insecurity or whatever the case may be.
This is also why I LOVE listening to Eckhart Tolle speak – it is like a nice warm bath for my soul. I so resonate with it. And I love bringing that stillness and clarity into my life as much as I can (i.e. am conscious to).
.-= Evita´s last blog ..On the Pilgrimage of Life: Talking With Bernie Krausse About A Special Journey =-.
Hi Evita,
Yay for clarity and stillness!
I know exactly what you mean about becoming more aware of the surrounding energies. It will even get more intense with time. It is a wonderful process.
Hi Nadia, NO QUESTIONS…this is so crystal clear. Love the sand in the glass of water…what a wonderful gift your teacher gave you with that experiential teaching. It is just so. Fear can really muddy up the water of our minds…but sitting with it, letting it settle indeed allows for discernment and heart inspired choices to be revealed.
Beautiful post xox0
.-= Laura Hegfield´s last blog ..Silk Saris and Stories =-.
Hi Laura,
I am blessed to have had such wonderful teachers. That imagery has stayed with me throughout the years. Fear is poison.
And thank you so much for all the kind words. I hope all is well.
Nadia, I agree with others. You made clear what can often be challenging to understand. And I love how you ask us to think more about the words ego and heart. I am still thinking about Evelyn Lim’s post on Appreciation and Gratitude! I think it is useful to understand the meaning behind what we are expressing so we can be even clearer in our intentions. Nadia, I just admire you so much. Your deep thoughtfulness, your playfulness, and your willing to dive in and be open. Thank you for being a leader in this world.
with love and laughter
Katie
.-= Katie West/The Levity Coach´s last blog ..Be the Agent of Change You Already Are =-.
Hi Katie,
Thank you so much for being such a kind person and for all the things that you wrote.
One of the benefits of going to law school was the realization that people may use the same words but attach different meanings. So it helps to clarify the meaning so that everyone can be on the same page or at least understand where someone is coming from when they share their thoughts.
As for being a leader, it takes one to know one!
Most definitely, I have never found it easy to discern which is the voice that I should be paying attention to. The ego tries to override what the heart or our inner wisdom has to say. And when it plays up my fears and insecurities, it appears to have a stronger voice. Sitting in silence can helps us be clear as to what it is that is aligned.
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..Universal Studios Singapore Pictures for Vision Board =-.
Hi Evelyn,
The more we are aware of the motivation behind the thoughts, the easier it becomes to discern what is fear based thought and what is a heart based thought. Like with anything in life, the more we practice, the easier it becomes.
We will always have to deal with fear and insecurity…however, with time, it does get easier.
And silence definitely does help.
I guess we need to just get that sand right out of our glass, eh? Or is the goal to not stir up the sand, but to know it is there and let it, like a sleeping dog, lie. Well, I think I’ve just answered my own question — it’s the latter!
And I think I’ve got a new lyric, the chorus of 11 of my 12 new tunes.
Do what you do from the love inside you
Do what you do from the heart of you.
Do what you do from the love that guides you.
Do what you do!
Hi Jannie,
You definitely answered your own question. Just know the sand is there and just let it be.
And I love that new lyric! That is just so beautiful. Very cool.
Looking forward to your new tunes coming out. Keep on rocking!
I’ve gone through much the same dilemma. I sat and meditated on it and finally I realized my calling – work happiness.
I can’t wait to find out what your new blog is all about because I just know it will take you in new directions that will amaze us.
I have a question. What do you do to stay connected to your heart based feelings instead of letting the ego dictate your thoughts.
.-= Karl Staib – Work Happy Now´s last blog ..How to Use the 5 Whys to Discover Your True Needs =-.
Hi Karl,
Good for you for finding your calling! What a wonderful blessing.
As for your question as to what do I do to stay connected to my heart based feeling, I just really look at my day as something to be enjoyed. Each day is a new adventure and should be enjoyed to the fullest. I find that if I see the beauty in everything, I am less inclined to give in to fear or to get stressed. So I always see the blessings.
And also, I meditate twice a day so that helps keep me rooted in my heart. My morning meditation is a long walk and the evening is just sitting in silence for a while before heading to sleep.
Does this help?
Hi Nadia,
By the way, the same teacher also taught me about the analogy with water. Thank you for sharing that here and keep me reminded again. 
Love this post!
So is that your secret.. to meditate twice a day to keep you in the heart rather than in mind?
That’s odd, I’ve heard that before from my teacher and I believe that completely. Whenever I give myself a time in the morning to do a short meditation, all of a sudden everything is blessings for a day!
Even though I thought I understand about the benefit of being in the heart and to do daily meditation to make it easier, I still fail to do it daily. So maybe discipline is the key: discipline to always choose to be in the heart and help ourselves for it. Ego is naughty you know, it keeps telling me some “trivia” things: to submit this report, to finish this job and that job. In the end i often give in and find me telling myself: Ok, you can do this tonight. And guess what, I often am too tired to do it before sleep. But I’m working on it and getting there, Nadia. Wish me luck!
Hi Nadia,
Don’t be so hard on yourself…everything is a process. When I first began to meditate, I would fall asleep and that went on for about two weeks. The more we practice, the more it becomes a habit. So the best thing is to be patient and to just take it one step at a time. And trust me, even those of us who know the value of meditating, still have days when we are tempted by the ego. The ego will always be present….we just have to learn to live with it. Some days it will be really loud and other days it will be silent.
It is a big thing to be aware of what is happening and you are aware of what is happening within you which is a huge gift. So you will get there. We are all works in progress. And I am always here for you if you need any help.
Hi Nadia, I had missed some of your previous posts. Though, I read them and come here to leave my review.
About ego and fear — you said it well by giving your example of racism. Even here in Melbourne, Australia — Indian students are being target of bashing and becomes very poor victim of racist. All students are beaten just for nothing and some of them are died. Why? What’s wrong with us? We all people have same right to live in this country peacefully and safely. We all ppl work very hard to sustain. Well, these racial attacks makes me very upset.
Anyway, i really loved the example of sand-n-water!
What a thoughtful example! If you clear from inner side the better you are clear with your goals and decisions. After all, the Divine within you! 
Lovely lovely post! I enjoyed throughly. Thanks heaps for good writing.
.-= Sonia´s last blog ..Chill out in summer with Shrikhand Puri! =-.
Hi Sonia,
Thank you so much for the kind words and for sharing your thoughts.
Sometimes people are scared of things that are different and that fear causes them to treat others in a negative way. Tolerance is an act of love. Racism is an act of fear. Such racial attacks make me sad too.
And as for the sand and water…I am happy you enjoyed the example. Yes, the Divine is within all of us. We just need to tap into more.
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